Gaslighting

I am angry. I was not always an angry person. When you live with someone who is constantly negative, it rubs off. I tried to get through this holiday, but if I say nothing, it sets him off. If I say how I feel, it sets him off. He is a big man, over 6 ft, very wide shoulders, very loud booming voice. He instantly reacts by screaming. If I shout back, then he calls me crazy. He actually told me I need to see a psychiatrist. This from the man who is bipolar, a pothead, & has ruined every relationship he's been in. So, I stopped yelling back. I stopped speaking. Again he told me I was nuts. I'm angry and hurt and tired of being treated the way I am. So get out, he says! He told me to go live in my car. I'm almost 54, worked hard my whole life, have a ten year old child, spent everything I had on my kids, this house, & this man. I will not live in my car. I will leave, but I will take my child where we can live peacefully. I'm not going to a shelter. I'm not living in a hovel. I will leave, but it will be a home. My child & I deserve a safe place to call home. He was supposed to buy this house with me. He now says that was all in my head. Married or not, if you plan to spend the rest of your life with someone, if you carry the burden of a lease for a year to let him save to buy, if you pay him faithfully every month, AND you discussed buying a house together, does it make me "crazy" because I expected it to be OUR house and not just his? To add insult to injury, he bought me three very pretty things for Christmas to hang on the wall....only I'm not allowed to hang anything on his walls! When you are pushed to your limit, why do they accuse you of being insane when you say, "enough!"

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20 Replies

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  • Coz he is lashing out at you and putting his own hang ups on you. Some people are very good at this. I still think you should consult a lawyer. x

  • I agree with coughalot2 it isn't just his house, in the new year if I was you I'd be looking into your options ( cab or lawyer) .x

  • He is manipulative and wants things on his terms .. He has a lot of issues and has not dealt with them .. I would advise you to end the relationship when it is safe to do so on your terms not his but if he gets violent you will have to leave asap .. If you ring the women's aid you can go to a refuge

  • These people do not like you standing up to them.and they will always over turn it back on to you .. Been there myself so I know

  • And I wonder why I'm depressed at Christmas!! Crap, crap, crap. There is an apartment available that is just awesome. It's very expensive, though. I think I'll call the realtor tomorrow & see if it's available.

  • DO it! When you leave, do NOT give him any contact details k? Just GO. You and your son deserve a safe and happy home with some peace and quiet at this stage of your lives. Make 2017 the beginning of a brighter future.

    Best wishes

  • Are you not in U.K. ? If not I'm sorry for saying C A B they are an organisation that would be able to tell you your rights regard your house. X

  • Unfortunately this time of year brings out the worst in people of the abusive type

  • No, I'm in the states. You basically have to bleed before you can get relief. I did get out earlier. I just stopped talking altogether. Then when he walked out of the room, I drove over to a friends house for a few hours. Then I quietly came in, went to my son's room & set up his new tv & xbox I got him for Christmas. I stayed out of his way ( my son is with his dad tonight). Didn't I hear a knock on the door asking if we were having dinner!!! I'm staying in here! Door locked!

  • I remember I spent a long time trying not to antagonise him .. I feel for you .. I bet he has done this many times before. It is like a merry go round

  • Yep.

  • O right well I would try and find out how I can get what is due to me regards house and if it's what you want to do, then I would start going ahead for you and your son. X

  • Be strong; remind yourself you deserve better and move on with your life. Get out if you want to, or stay if you want to: the decision is yours not his; not anyone else's. Whatever you decide to do enjoy your own kind company, be kind to yourself get to know yourself.

  • Just go and start over. Worry about sueing for a share of the house once you are safely out of there. It could be very dangerous to try tonegotiate whilst still living together, plus he might try turning on the charm to persuade you to stay, and if it works, things will only get worse next time.

  • This guy sounds like my ex, so many similarities. He was identified as having anti social personality disorder. In other words psychopathy.

  • This one refuses to get help, so God knows what the full diagnosis is. I'm going, but I do still love him. I'm going to try to be as loving as posiible until the middle of January, when I'm gone.

  • They do because they deflect the blame onto everyone else apart from themselves. That's part of it but of course I am not a shrink. Good for you. Just you and your child. Think how peaceful life will be!

  • Yes. Peace. I've been begging and praying for peace for months! Thank you.

  • My ex never got help by the way either. He was made to have a psychological assessment via a court. It's still all my fault though that's how they work.

  • That's so maddening when they are crushing your heart & telling you it's all your fault for being so vulnerable!