I have issues with the whole system......the problem is....my life is constantly up and down and living with this condition is random, I can't tell or have no warning of what mood I'm gonna wake up in.....it's all super high, I'm over happy, spend spend spend, carefree, spontaneous and fun or very very dark and low.......when I'm down, it can last a day, a week, a month or a few months and then I'm level again, but I have no control of how long either will last.
Now the issue with the current system, when I'm down, I can phone the docs and get a referral in place for therapy.....what happens nxt is.....I am placed on a 2-4 month waiting list 😳 now in 2-4 months when I get an appointment for an initial assessment.......they then refer me to cbt....I wait for 4-6 wks for that initial assessment, then they tell me "we can't help you because your too traumatised".....they then refer me bk to the docs who refer me to ptsd treatment centre.....and they can't help me because I don't fit the criteria as I don't have flashbacks.....
I haven't yet been officially diagnosed but I am 100% sure that's what's been wrong with me for all these years.
The whole process takes about 10 months and I'm bk to square 1.
I'v thought about goin private therapy but every time I scrape the £150 per session together, something comes up....car kids house etc. I've phoned the priory for an assessment but this close to Christmas with 5 children from 5 failed relationships, I just don't have a spare £385. More so,....I'm at the tail end of one of my slumps, and while my mood is relatively stable at present, my finances aren't 😩
Since I've just come from a slump, I'm very likely goin to be on top of the world in a short time (where I blow my money) so I use this time to get payments in order and make arrangements/appointments etc.
So I have some friends, only a few that know me inside out....they are friends I had as a child, girls who I'd trust with my life, girls who have watched me give birth, we've peed on each other (🙈don't ask) but I can talk about anything, say anything, my deepest thoughts and secrets, without fear of judgement or it bein used as gossip, my sacred friends #free therapy lol x
I've been living like this for 20+yrs.....
I need some help, I can't live like this, I don't want to, I live off guilt that I drag my kids along for the ride 😢
I don't sleep much, I don't socialise much, I'm living half a life and can't seem to get through the system to get some help/support, constantly falling through the net.....partially my fault as I have missed a few appointments, by the time they come around, I'm in a dark antisocial/agoraphobic place and I mentally/physically cannot communicate with anyone outside my close circle.....surely there must be something in place.....any help, advice would be life changing and massively helpful 😓