I've had a lot of grief over the last 28 years or so, maybe even All 30 of Them. My Earthly Parents split up when I Was 2 years old. Needed surgery around Then Too, For My Ears, nearly lost My Hearing... And My Grandpa died around Then Too... The Only Grandpa I Had Had Living, At The Time (The Other One died before I Was even born!)... At 4 years Old, My Earthly Parents divorced. I was kicked out of many preschools, For bad behavior, like temper-tantrums, stealing, not getting along with kids... they'd tease me, And I'd react, And they'd get away with it, And I'd get in trouble... I was only 4 Years Old, If that... after enough of being bullied, I became mean too, I'd bully people who I could, If they'd make fun of me... this continued all through almost my whole primary education. I used to just Chase kids... I never knew what I'd do, If I Caught One, they were always too fast for Me, they would tease me, And run away. I had few friends.... At Least God Was My Friend, But I wasn't aware throughout My Childhood Years... At this one school I Went To, I Had No sinner-friends, I wasn't perfect, And That's probably why... I Think It boiled down to, If Somebody did something, I couldn't ignore it... And Then at 12 years Old, somebody cursed me, they told me that satan was "watching" me. 3 years later, I thought I Was Tv. But at the time it was said, At First, I didn't think anything about it, I Just thought he was being Mean... other kids said stuff about satan too. They probably knew I Was A Christian... By then... The stuff they said, psychologically messed me up... for a good while, If not to this day. ... At 14 years Old, I thought I was getting raped, it felt like it.. it was a demon, I Saw it, it got Me at least 3 times... I Prayed To God, My Heavenly Father To Please Make it Stop... I saw satan and this other demon, In The spiritual realm, sitting on fold-out chairs, watching sadistically, while the other demon or so got me, they were only there in the Spiritual Realm, For What I Could See, But the feeling in My Vagina was physical, if nothing else. I was super scared, And super angry, at the devil. I Trusted In God, So I Didn't get angry at Him, ... That memory got suppressed for 13 years, Until I was 27. My New Parent Was an atheist, And My Dad didn't think I had gone through any pain... At 16 I discovered, I moved back To My Grandma's Place, where I Was deprived of sleep. I moved again, That Year, Back To My Earth-Dad's. I saw demons everywhere... I had been lied to, for a year, about being a bright blue-star-energy alien, with a power-ring, to hold all my energy together in a humanoid form, before getting my dad to marry and impregnate my mom with my human body, for it (the alien) to possess... I was sad to have wasted a year, believing what could only be demons... or bad aliens... I decided to accept being a human, Redeemed By Grace... I was always scared of getting raped, since I had heard what it was, At 12 years Old... At 18, I had another moment where demons had simulated a rape with My Vagina... then I got tormented in My Mind, About rape, Until I stopped And thought about, 'why am I scared about rape?' I wasn't scared of other things that were physically painful, or so I thought... so 'why is rape so scary to me?' And discovered It Was because the whole crime involved sex, something which I wasn't meant to do, Until I Was Married. Any sexual immortality By The Bible's Definition, 'very bad.', 'yuck!' But Then I Thought, 'if some guy forced to commit sexual immorality with him, It Wasn't my fault... But Even If it was, somehow, I'm Sure My God Would Forgive Me... then my demons went on to torment me about worse things, unforgivable... And Then When I Realised, I Wouldn't do them, the demons did them, and even threatened to torture me, If I Didn't do them, or the devil threatened or both him and demons did... and I witnessed the devil and the demons take people out through suicides or diseases, and some people around Me did the unforgivable sin in front of me... I wanted to die, when I witnessed a muslim do it on Christmas 2011... What's The worst, had been whole Christians doing it, becoming full zombies, and people arguing about stuff to do with it, as if My pain isn't already enough. I mean it's been 10 years of this torture, about the unforgivable sin, and some people I know are too scared to even believe there could be one, well-Meaning Christians, who either don't read, or ignore Certain Sections Of Their Bible, or Their eyes have completely missed it. I have had to cry so hard, about so-called 'Christians', who've done this sin, or Who take the side of the offender, it really hurts, ask it does, And it makes me want to nothing but lay in bed. But I Have Big Dreams About The Future, I'm Just Not Sure How To Get There... But I know now,... grieving through it all, processing it all... Is One Step Forward. ... So Thanks For Listening, Reading.
Depression From Grief: I've had a lot... - Mental Health Sup...
Depression From Grief
Hi it seems to me like you have had a life that has patterned your mind in such a way that you feel you have no control over your own destiny...experiencing too many hard times without the emotional support you needed. I think you might benefit from co-counselling support through your church, if you have one. Most lives are full of challenges, this is normal and the most important lesson we need is how to manage these challenges without getting beaten down. Good luck in your ventures
Thanks For Your Thoughts.
Talk to your Doctor and explain how your life has progresses. take a copy of above with you and let Him see it, hopefully He will help you move on away from your complex life pathway.
There are many problems associated with your life that need to be addressed. I gather you are not in the UK so you need o be able to get rid of your Demons and also look at your past and help you move on.
You really need to see your GP ASAP, He wiil help
Have you talked to your Priest ?
BOB
I Plan On Seeing A Christian-based Counsellor To Follow Up With The Help I Already Received. The secular health system just seems to focus on management more, here in New Zealand, not the cure. And GP visits cost typically $50, when I only get about $60 a week with hand outs from My Dad. But thanks for the thought.
If you need to talk additional to above we may be able to help. We are another arrow to your Bow.
Good Luck
BOB
Thanks, I've Started Journaling Now. I haven't started Drawing yet. I've Started letting My feelings out, when by Myself. I Think I Have Yet, To Make A Set Time For This, I'm debating Saturday Or Tuesday, Maybe Sunday afternoon, But probably not.
And I'm Getting Some Emotion Cards, That I Ordered.
Grief and daily anxiety sometimes panic attacks
Partner with depression
Communication. Engagement. What's the risk?
Progressive Depression 
