Depressed and fed up feeling like this

[Tracey_2968]

Ive had depression/anxiety for 8 yrs or so,its only been diagnosed 18mths ago.im on 50mg sertaline in the morning and was taking 30mg mirtazapine at night.i was also seeing a counsellor for 8 mths.my gp has put me on venalflaxine 37.5mg as ive been putting on weight.been on these new tablets a wk.in the 18mths ive been on all these different tablets,i really dont feel any better.counselling did help to a degree,but im now back to feeling like crap.i feel like im stuck in a really dark place and it doesnt matter how i think,what thoughts are in my head,i never feel happy.i have terrible mood swings,my partner says im like Jekyll and Hyde.ill just flip out in this manic rage.i do over think things and over analyse everything.the thought of spending the rest of my life feeling like this is just awful.i never feel happy.my partner says to think positive and think happy thoughts.pretty hard when you feel so bloody sad and like whats the point.still wake up the next day feeling like hell.

[Blabla4joy]

It's 5am and I haven't been to sleep. Been up since 8am yesterday. Trying to figure out how I can feel better too. Thinking I have had depression and anxiety for prolly 33 years. Just recently diagnosed. So tense I can't sleep and know my body will hurt all over tomorrow when I wake. Always does and off tomorrow I prolly won't be up till 2 or 3. Maybe 4. Then hate myself for it cause I have so much I need to do. I'm sorry you feel like you do. Do you have any physical pain from your condition. I go to doctor tomorrow starting CBT therapy. Don't see how it will help because all this stuff he wanted me to write down, I can't do cause it stressing me. He want me to write down all my stresses.

[Tracey_2968 in reply to Blabla4joy]

Hiya,i know how youre feeling.its just horrible.yes i do have pain,not all the time though.some days ill just stay in my pjs.i know in my head what i need to do but getting the motivation is something else.i knew before i was diagnosed with depression something was amiss.id googled my symptons.made app to see my gp and did just that,wrote it all down,went to see him and just broke down.i wasnt sleeping,just lay awake worrying about everything knowing id have to get up and face it all again.feeling just the same.

[Blabla4joy in reply to Tracey_2968]

Yep. Same here. I have pelvic pain all the time too like I gotta go. No infection. Trying to work like this is hard but I get a little feeling of sanity for a little while pretending not to be like this. Yet today I felt shaky on the inside trying to work. I was mentally and physically abused by me ex for 22 years. Been away from him for 12 now. He controlled my every move. Now I feel like I can't get control of me. My legs hurt my arms hurt. My back hurts. I'm scared what's going to hurt next. I've been told I don't know how to relax and have noticed my muscles are always in a clenching position. Even in my sleep. I'm scared the next one that decides to spasm will be my heart. This year my bladder started tensing and I cannot control any of it. I hope you feel better. I'm try to sleep.

[Tracey_2968 in reply to Blabla4joy]

You poor thing.i get back ache and the aches youve said.im on sleeping tablets now.i get anxious and panicky in situations i fèel i cant control,eating out i feel like ill choke.i hate being in unfamiliar places.the best time of day for me is night time.i can take a pill and sleep.no way to live life

[Blabla4joy]

I feel better in the afternoon, evening time but takes me all day to get there then I don't want to go to sleep and have to wake up to fatigue and pain all over again. I wake up wanting to sleep the rest of the day. Gona try sleep now. Hope I don't sleep my day off away like I usually do. Ttyl