Depressed to Long

[diamond47m]

I'm 54 and a widow, my husband died almost 7 years ago. I'm so depressed and have done so many stupid thing's since he died, like getting married again not once but twice knowing it would not work because no one could really replace my sweet husband Pat. To be honest the only reason I stay on this Earth is our 2 grown children. My son lives with me as he has a high autism, he's perfectly able to live on his own but wants to stay here with me. My daughter lives 20 miles away with her fiance. My life has just hit rock bottom, I need a job but about all I can get is cleaning jobs or McDonald's. I've lost my best friend that I had for 40 years over something stupid and have apologized even though I did nothing wrong, but she couldn't care less about me or my kids. (She's my daughter's Godmother,) she has thrown our friendship of 40 years away like it was nothing. Most of my family is already in heaven, my dad is 600 miles away and he's 86. I just really feel I have no real purpose in this life other than my 2 kids, I cry most everyday, I'm always hurting physically due to my bad back and neck, and mentally I miss my husband so much and the life that we had that the life I have now just seems pointless. I really just don't know why I'm here. My husband died August 1,2011 and I feel like he took the best part of me with him, I'm just what's left.

[Hidden]

I wanted to say welcome to you.

I’m sorry to hear of your struggles and so sorry about the loss of your husband.

I hope it helps you being here.

Best wishes

[diamond47m in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello and welcome to this caring and supportive community. It really sounds as if you have had such a difficult time over the past few years. I can empathise with a lot of what you are saying but please stop and think for a moment. What would your son do without you, and how would your daughter cope without Mum there in the background?

As for your friend, I wonder why she can't get past what has transpired. especially as you apologised to her. Perhaps there is something in her life that she can't cope with and has pushed you away.

It really sounds as if you are grieving for all that you have lost. May I ask if you have seen a counsellor or been in touch with one? Also how are you sleeping? Have you spoken to your GP about the way you are feeling? Sorry I have asked so many questions but it helps if the members have information so that they can make suggestions and offer helpful advice.

Also on your screen are 'topics' and 'pinned posts' that offer information and I have included some useful websites too.

WAY Foundation - support if you are 50's and under, support groups around the UK. wayfoundation.org.uk Email: [e-mail]

Cruse - support and counselling both in groups and one to one. cruse.org.uk Helpline: 0808 808 1677

Best wishes to you.

MAS Nurse.

[diamond47m in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Thank you for your reply, I have not seen any kind of Dr or counselor at all. I do not have any insurance so I really can't afford to get any help. I'm currently looking for a job and it looks as if it will happen this week and it will have to be hotel housekeeping, which will do for now. I'm going to try to find a reasonably priced counselor to help deal with the loss of my husband and the friendship. I'm praying that things will turn around for me soon. Thank you for caring. God bless

[En1234]

Hi there!!

Its lovely to speak to you this morning.

Firstly, I feel heart sorry for you because from reading your post I feel that you are so steeped in grief from the loss of your husband that you are unable to move on at the moment. Seven years may sound like a long time but in "grief years" its not that long, given that you obviously loved your husband so much. I am 52 and have never found that love in a partner. My first marriage didnt last and I could not wait to get divorced, (I was only 19 at the time and thought I knew it all - it shouldnt have happened really). My second partner, who I actually moved in with but never married, kept a secret bank book from me and on a Friday night used to go and meet other woman, my third partner, who is the father of my 19 year old son, left me when I was pregnant, disappeared to California and I have never seen him since, so in a way I actually envy the relationship you had with your husband. How do you think your husband would feel if he knew you were here feeling this way? He would want you to be happy. Have happy thoughts about your life together and be grateful for what you had with him, a lot of people will never have what you have had. This may help you to try and do other things which will make you happy.

I know the obvious question here is have you spoken with a GP? Maybe a Grief Counsellor could help you. I am baffled that someone who was friends with you for over 40 years would just cut you off after something stupid. If you have already apologised and she still doesnt want to know? Have you considered approaching her again?. My best friend also "let me go" after almost 32 years of friendship and she was also my son's Godmother and she was my birthing partner, she actually saw my son before I did!... I hurt her by also saying something stupid and I approached her 3 times to apologise and she just did not want to know... Sometimes we just have to let things go...

I read loads of books and sometimes this is how I view my life too, like a book. My life is made up of chapters and when one chapter finishes (could be a good chapter, could be a rotten chapter), then another one starts..

I am starting training for a new job next month and that will be the start of yet another chapter in my life. I think you still have many, many chapters in your own book still to come.

Maybe you could train to be a Grief Counsellor yourself. Sometimes helping other people going through the same experiences as you, can help them and you too!

You are only 54 and still have so much life left and so much more to offer. I hope you dont find my message to blase and matter of fact. Sometimes, I type away and just get carried away, but I hope you are OK today and please keep in touch on here and let us know how you are. Just opening up and talking on here might be all you need right now.

Remember also that every day you waken up is a day you are MEANT to be here!!

Lots of love to you!!

XXXXXX

[diamond47m in reply to En1234]

Thank you for writing me, I have put in for jobs but my husband was a truck driver and I really never had to work. I have done housekeeping at a couple of hotels since he died and I live in a tourist area of TN so jobs are easy to get as long as you're willing to clean. As far as seeing a counselor, I'm going to check into it, I never knew what true pain was till I lost him. The 40 year friendship is over I guess, she's 600 miles away so it's not like I ever see her, I'm hurt that she has done me this way but, she is the one that wants it this way and actually not having her in my life hasn't killed me so maybe she's out of it for some reason. My sweet husband Pat would want me happy so I will try. God bless

[Hidden]

Good morning,

I'm so sorry you've had such a dreadful time of late.

I can't offer much to make you feel better or fix anything, but I do think counselling would help you in a big way, by the sounds of it. Have you approached your doctor about this before? They can offer free sessions.

The main reason I say this is I've been seeing my counsellor for a year now (I started off with 12 free sessions through the NHS) and it really has changed everything. Just to be able to talk to someone gives you such relief.

Keep strong and carry on. There is always light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how long it takes to get there.

Xxx

[Hidden]

I'm sorry too..