BPD and untidiness.

[Jovb36]

Hi guys, hope youre all well.

Last week I was diagnoised with BPD and AVPD which was a huge relief after all these years and so now that I am researching the Disorders lots of things are beginning to make sense.

I have always been messy, untidy and unorganised throughout my life, to the point where I will let the mess build up for weeks and then have a big clear up feeling totally overwhelemed while Im doing so. I will literally leave washing up in the sink and not clean the kitchen for a whole week and leave dirty washing all over the floor and then suddenly reaslise that I need to do something about it (disgusting I know). Most of the time I cant bring myself to do normal house hold chores as I have no energy or enthusiasm etc.

I was just wondering if others experience this? Am I just a untidy mess, or is it the condition?

Thanks in advance xxx

[Hidden]

I am very like the poster as far as letting mess build up. I know it's not laziness but a lack of self worth and I don't care about myself enough to think I deserve any better. It's definitely avoidant behaviour.

I also recognise that (like hoarders you see on the tv) I find some comfort in having lots of things around me. I am not a hoarder like they are though as I also hate dirt and mess.

I'm constantly at war with myself which is exhausting. Bev x

[Jovb36 in reply to Hidden]

Pams negative comment is irrelevant and pointless.

Thank you for your response and support. I think it is a combination of depression and avoident behaviour which stem from both the BPD and AVPD...Well thats my guess?

Take care Bev,

Always here to chat if you need to xxx

[MattBuckland]

Hi jovb36

Doubt that it is a condition, but symptom of other things. I tend to let things go if I am not well as it gives me something else to beat myself up with.

So for me it is linked to the depression I have had for many years.

Maybe you could have a time slot once a week to do harder house work and give yourself a treat afterwards. You are doing this boring household task a load of washing could go on. Do it on a week day evening and then it is not a boring thing to do on the weekend which will be an excuse not to do something good. Washing up, maybe give yourself a two day limit?

I made that sound easy but know that is not. I know that mess makes me feel bad and that breaking that cycle can only be a good thing.

Oh, put some load music on when you are doing it, try 'no easy way out ' from Rocky!

Hope this helps, Matt

[Jovb36 in reply to MattBuckland]

Hi there, thanks for the support.

That is what I often do...Now in fact...Music blasting defo helps me to get motivated and get stuff done. Im working on breaking the cycle, but as you said I do believe that it connected to depression and the avoident side of my personality disorder.

Gonna set myself a timetable for housework n chores I think

Take care xxx

[Tinka83 in reply to Jovb36]

I can only tidy up with motivational music 👌 I literally beat myself up about not doing it as often as I perhaps should but usually it's just far too overwhelming 😭 but if I pop some dance music on I find it motivates me to get at least a good portion of it done x

[endogenous]

My ex has bpd and you sound exactly like her. I am a bit ocd and she lived with me for a year. It was hell because of our different characters. Pam is trying to be funny but it is patronizing and judgemental. My ex would also often start a new hobby, channel all her energy into it and then loose interest.

[Jovb36 in reply to endogenous]

She sounds just like me!!!

Pams comment is irrelevant to be honest, some people need to think before they speak for sure.

Thanks for the support xxx

[endogenous in reply to Jovb36]

My ex also couldn't hold down a steady job (another symptom of bpd), I think the stress would be too much for her. Furthermore there was always a "predator" in her work place who would pray on her vulnerabilities and trust.

Oh, another symptom related to the last point, is that people with bpd tend to tell others (often predators) that they have just met, the most intimate details about themselves.

Good luck, I know it isn't easy, I suffer from anxiety and depression and could relate in part to my ex

[Jovb36 in reply to endogenous]

With regard to work im pretty good, I can hold down a job for years but often get bored and need to be chanllenged constantly. I completed my degree and got a first class hons, so when im presented with a challenge Im all good and tackle it head on, however my problems often arise when I have too much time on my hands, no structure or deadlines to work to.

Despite my issues im actually quite a social, friendly, bubbly person (sometimes its a front) but ive learnt not to trust just anyone and only a select few know the real me and about my issues, but I will open up to people I trust, or someone I think may understand and accept that I have issues.

Thank you so much for the support, I hope that your anxiety and depression is not too bad a present. Since Ive had my diagnosis it feels like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know that I have a long way to go and that theres lots of work to be done before I can say Im truly on the road to recovery but positive about change as I cant keep on living the way I have. 36 years is a long time so I know that its going to be a challenge and things wont change over night, however as I said before, Im always up for a challenge xxx

[Jovb36]

Thanks for your opinion Pam,

Youre right we are responsible for our own actions or lack of, however in my opinion I think its rather rude to call someone lazy, messy and lacks discipline when you know nothing about them, their life, journey or disorder. In future I would suggest that you keep your negative, hurtful opinions to yourself. This forum is supposed to be a caring support network, not a place where people feel like they can attack others with their fleeting uneducated comments.

Bit of advice...If you havent got anything nice to say, dont say anything at all!!!

[Satsuma]

I know that feeling and living you describe .. I find it so hard to keep up with everything on top of chronic pain and impaired mobility too aagghhh

[Jovb36 in reply to Satsuma]

Hi love,

Its defo not easy but we can only try our best. Im finding if I do a little bit each day its easier and not such a chore xxx

[Satsuma in reply to Jovb36]

Yes I do that but it still not good enough for me .. I want it all spritely as I have high standards, I think it comes from training as a chef many years ago .. I get annoyed with myself for not being able to do things which I used to do .. It is a bad day for me so am going to sleep it off.. Just now I can hardly move with my shoulder .. It goes into spasm cos of my unstable pelvis

[Jovb36 in reply to Satsuma]

Try and get some rest...tomorrow will be a better day xxx

[chloe40]

This thread is now closed.

Chloe