Nothing But an Object. A toy.

[Julyda12]

I'm 16 years old. I am a very mature female, I like to say my brain is like twenty years old or even older. That's not the point, everyone I've caught feelings for has left me for someone or ever no one at all. I am very hard to talk to and date and once I finally let them in they leave me. But the crazy thing is that it's every single time, it literally just happened again. I'm so heartless now, I feel nothing. I don't get hungry anymore, I'm not sleepy. I have to force myself to sleep, I feel empty. I don't want to finish school , my grades are bad. I want to die, all because lots of fuck boys have torn my heart into pieces. What's wrong with me? How do I find self love?

[Iluvhorses]

Hello there! It sounds like you're emotionally numb. I've been there before, but my faith in Jesus is what pulled me through. I rely on Him for my happiness and He will never fail me. It's fine if you don't share the same faith as me, but don't completely rely on anyone else for your happiness because they are human and will make mistakes. When they do, you will be miserable. Sorry if this subject makes you uncomfortable, but most guys in their teens and early 20s have raging hormones and cannot be trusted with their sex drives. Please be careful so they won't use you and only go out with boys who try to control their urges. Good luck!

[Stilltrying_]

Boys and girls can feel very differently at your sort of age; a lot of boys can be very immature and also they are very driven by their hormones,even as men in a way that i don't believe affects women (what I mean is that they are very driven to have sex for sex sake and more often than not a woman needs a feelings of connection and love otherwise it is meaningless to her) I don't know if any of this applies to you.

I think maybe you need to take a step back and think how to protect your emotions; maybe just don't jump in so quickly (although you say you don't?) ; keep a good network of friends around you and don't drop everything for a boy.

I am sorry you are feeling so hurt and used like a toy; building yourself up and setting boundaries for yourself can maybe stop the hurt happening again next time. Keep them waiting until you are sure they are the right person you want to be with and maybe go for an older guy if you have an older mind but not too old as you don't want to be going out with someone your father's age!!

Gemma x

[Hidden]

Hi I don't want to come across as patronising but at your age people play the field especially boys, why do you want a serious relationship so young? There is plenty of time for that! Boys of your age are generally callow creatures and just think of sex all the time. Don't let any of them use you but just enjoy your freedom for the time being.

There is a time for everything in life and this is yours to enjoy and date casually, concentrate on your school work, and take pleasure in being a teenager with the world at your feet. x

[Smith94]

Hi,

I am a 21 year old girl, and from someone who can relate to your situation of being emotionally numb, I can only say it will get better.

I was in an abusive relationship which left me emotionally numb, I have been suicidal and nothing is fixed by that either. Only time can make things better, wait until you get to know people from another social group and you will see not everyone is the same. You just have to wait for the right one, I can guarantee not everyone is a fuck boy, and maybe if you were 100% honest with yourself you would realize that you were only settling for someone who was average anyway and you are way better than that. Don't give them what they want, suss them out first, fingers crossed for you

[linlow]

Julyda12 it won't be much consolation to you right now but, with the benefit of hindsight, no matter how mature your brain your body is in a turmoil of hormones (check out how puberty effects emotions). Every upset is going to send them into overdrive. If you can concentrate on making friendships rather than looking for relationships you will find an ability to stay on a more even keel.

Boys and girls are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes down to what they want - the former being after excitement and experience, the latter ultimately more intent upon stability. At a basic level this is driven by chemical changes taking place within us and isn't necessarily anything that we/they have control over. Boys also take a lot longer to mature than girls so are a lot less inclined to behave responsibly in their teens.

They say that school days are supposed to be the easiest and happiest part of our lives but anyone who suffers the tribulations of puberty can attest to the very opposite. As a way to move forward bear this in mind:

If a boy is after sex alone he will say and do anything within his power to get it. Once he has had it he will move on no matter how well he regards his conquest or not. This is the kind of situation that can lead to rumour as the conqueror rushes off to brag to his pals and cronies. Whilst he may, one day, feel shame at his inability to control his actions, that kind of boy isn't yet mature enough to be worthy of a second thought. Disdain should be your shield.

If a boy has more regard for the girl he is with then sex will take a back seat and the relationship can be built upon common ground and interests. BUT intimacy can and will lead to a hormonal response that supersedes rational thought. Learn to recognise when things are getting out of control and pull back. If there is a shared respect then the relationship will survive this, if it doesn't then there was no (or not enough) respect and that kind of boy isn't worthy of a second thought. In this case there is possibility that a second BUT comes in to play in that it could also be that the boy, confused or shamed about what has happened may withdraw and seem not to care. If the friendship is strong enough, patience and a winning smile may be all that is needed to overcome this.

If the girl is the one after sex then she should beware to take the necessary precautions to protect herself and not rely upon her chosen partner to be cautious when in the throes of desire. She should also be aware of the knock-on effect sudden fluctuations in sex hormones can have upon her mental state. These can lead to feelings of despondency at least equal to those aroused by the desertion alluded to earlier. A glass of vitamin C and some sunshine should help with coping.

To learn how to love yourself you first need to decide what it is about yourself that you can respect. Analyse your behaviour and work out which bits you like and which you don't. Ask friends you can trust what they feel are your strong points, what they most like about you. Build upon reinforcing those aspects you feel pride in and overcoming the ones you don't. Some find that it helps to practise in front of a mirror, or even film themselves (in the privacy of their own room of course), so that they can see themselves as the rest of the world will when they are in public. Another way to do it to write everything down - the dos and the don'ts/likes and dislikes - so that you become so familiar with them you learn to recognise them in your everyday behaviour.

Check your diet. I know you say you are not eating but you can't survive on nothing. Lack of food will make you vulnerable to negative thoughts. When you do eat how much sugar/sweets/soft drinks do you consume? These are anathema to clear headedness and could, again, be reinforcing your negative thinking and poor school results. As could lack of fresh air and exercise. The fructose and chemicals in sweet-stuffs can affect dopamine production in your body. This could result in exactly the type of feelings you express. Exercise releases endorphins into the blood stream. These raise the mood and increase feelings of well-being and positive thoughts. Exercise also improves mental clarity as it clears the brain of toxins that inhibit its processes.

When all said and done, do take heart from the fact that there will come a time when you look back and cannot even remember how low you feel right now. I promise