I've tried my best to sort myself out. But it's not possible, it's not something that will ever leave or let me be happy.
And you know what, I'm sick and tired of people saying its attention seeking. I'm not saying this for just me but for every single person out there who get accused of it. They say that all we do is use it to gain attention and affection. I haven't suffered for all my 17 years but I have for 6 years and I know what I feel.
It's all getting too much. I just don't want to be here anymore, I'm better off ending it all just to get rid of all the pain.
Written by
LewisRirie
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Please don't go anywhere. There is no doubt in my mind that God has a plan for you though you may have different religious views which is fine. There are those people who try to seek affection, but that's only because they are lacking it. I'm not saying you're that person. On the upside, I'm glad you're aware of your feelings because now you know where to start. You know what your struggles are
That's awful for you, feeling that way. I expect you are under your Dr and have tried different meds, I don't know your story or your background, I can only speak of my own experience with depression and I'm way, way older than you are, it's something I've had to learn to live with. I expect you're the same, trying to live each day, feeling the way you do, it's very hard, and people will never understand unless they've suffered too.
The only thing that helps me a little is to keep busy, and try to remain positive, don't let people get you down, don't surround yourself with people like that, negative issues will make you feel down, I have to say that things can get better and you must try and see a way through your problems, as you get older things could be different, just give your self a chance.
Hope you have a good day today, see it as a chance to change and move up a step!!
I assume you are suffering from depression so can i please ask what steps you have taken to get better or sort yourself out? Can I also ask please what situations have happened to you that make you feel this way?
sometimes if we do a lot of things at once then it can get too much and push us back further from where we started from and so we feel nothing has worked.
if you are around people who say these things about attention seeking then my advice is to learn to ignore them. i think their talk is causing you to feel unsettled and stressed.
I've got another post on my life if you want to read that to find out. Sorry I don't talk about my life much. And I've tried medication and Therapy but the therapy didn't work. The medication just covered it up never made it go away.
Lewis, I've only just read this but all I can say is please try and hang on. I believe you it isn't attention seeking; you are just feeling so bad its indescribable I know. I get like that myself but I do believe there are ways through, for me and particularly for you because you are a young person with every chance for things to improve for you in the longterm with the right kind of help. It's just a question of getting something that works for you but please do hang on and write all you want. Gemma xx
PS Has something happened recently? Did you make another attempt? No-one on here will judge you Lewis (or if they do they are not worth listening to); we all understand what it is like.
Hugs your way, lots of them. Also you are doing the right thing by talking about it on here. So many males in particular bottle it up and that makes it more dangerous. Keep talking, keep writing, we are here.
Gemma xxxx
PPS Just try and distract yourself as best you can today and take each day at a time. How are you sleeping? I find sleep affects me a lot so that may be something you can work on?
You're not attention seeking so don't worry what those people say they dont know what they are talking about they just want to listen to themselves talk. These people are not worth taking such drastic action specially when you are so young with what could be a good life ahead of you. Please talk to someone who knows what they are talking about, a doctor if possible they will be able to help you. No matter what you think now things can get better for you its not a lost cause. You have taken the first step here and found out that you are not alone and never were. There are people who will listen to you and you don't even know them. So please don't do anything silly and when you want to talk I am sure that the people on this forum will always listen to you even if they are not with you in person.
I wish you all the best and remind you that you are not alone.
Haters gonna hate hate hate. So don't bother about them. Giving up should never ever be an option most of us here have been in your situation and is trying everyday to live our lives. Trust when we say it will get better it should get better.
Small steps. Don't look at the big picture just each day or just each time of the day like I will do something to make me feel better this morning or afternoon just for that few hours. Be stubborn that life will not get you down its bloody hard but just do it to piss everyone off 😇. That insecurity you have I live with it everyday but the thing about growing older is that you become good at pretending. It is your age give it a few more years. On this forum no one will think anything bad about you so complain here as often as you can. Try always try
That's a very good outlook on life, jinirules, especially with the small steps and not feeling overwhelmed with the big picture. I need to practice that.
Hey Lewis.assuming you have depression (you're on a depression forum) full marks to you for trying to sort yourself out ,but the number of people who can do this without help is very.very small, and probably impossible for anyone as young as yourself. You need either medical help or an awful lot of support and understanding from friends and family , probably both.
Life gets very complicated and difficult when the depression ends ( which it will ) if lots of people know you have this problem so in my opinion you are better off trying to fight the depression with medical help only if possible ,as they will keep matters confidential. This is difficult in itself as the medical profession can hardly ever devote enough time to any single patient . If you have a trusted friend or family member who you can rely on to keep their support to themselves this will be a big help.
Depression is the last way anyone would choose to get attention so ignore those ignorant comments.
it will all get too much and you will feel that you don't want to be around anymore. Happens to us all but remember the depression will end and you should have much happiness to come even if depression occasionally recurs. Don't cut yourself off from that happiness. Losing the pain is too high a price to pay. That would take you perhaps a few minutes , but you'd be losing hours ,days and weeks of future happiness. Not a very good bargain.
Lewis, that is how it usually feels,nothing new in that. If you don't get better you can console yourself that you are unique in having a depression that does n't end. In other words of course it will end. How quickly is the only question.
You need of course the right medical help and finding the right antidepressant for you can take time. In the mean time there is a lot you can do to help. First forget thoughts of giving up,some depressives are losers (not many ) and you don't want to be one of those. Secondly make sure you eat well and healthily and try and cultivate regular sleep habits. Take exercise and try and give your poor mind a short holiday by immersing yourself in a good book, DVD film, music,whatever. At your age there must be very many great books and films you have n't tried. Use the time you are more withdrawn to read and watch things you would n't normally have time for.
All of this will help as depression is a tough illness and you need your body in the best possible shape to fight it. You need a sympathetic and caring GP. Find one. then do things that make you feel good. For most people this means helping others and making them happier. So easy,pay compliments, say sincere thank yous for any help you get , force a smile, reply to some with problems on this forum, like a post if it helps you. There are many ways you can make people happier every day . Even if you don't feel happy. that will make you feel good and useful and you'll start feeling better.
None of this is that difficult and is a survival strategy until the depression lifts . Incidentally it will go away even if they don't find the right ADs for you but the right treatment will make it quicker. Until then get your survival strategy in place. Your main asset is your courage and persistence , your biggest risk is giving up.
NO! YOU ARE NOT BETTER OFF ENDING IT ALL LEWIS! Please read that sentence AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN until it sinks into your very psyche 👈
Your depression is making you feel this way. You're in pain and overwhelmed and can't see the light as a result. I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT YES! THERE IS ALWAYS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. ALWAYS.
I too felt the way you currently do many, many years ago. Every single minute of every day was torture. My heart actually ached from it all. I made a decision that to this day I regret. My decision caused sooooo much pain to my family. It really did. In the end it solved nothing. Achieved nothing.
The road to recovery was long and arduous but I DID recover. I also looked inward rather than outward and learnt a number of things about myself. How I tick ... feel ... think ... as opposed to others.
I discovered that it doesn't matter what others think, say or feel. I also discovered that I can't change or control certain people or things. I can ONLY control/change myself. I acknowledged that life would from to time throw challenges but living through clinical depression gave me tools and resources to be able to deal with certain problems as and when they arose. At least to some degree. I didn't do this alone. I got the right professional help (it took time and patience) something I understand you don't and haven't had. What you MUST do is seek out a therapist you click with. It's VERY important that you do this so don't settle for just anyone k?
Most of all you MUST MUST, MUST cultivate patience. Please read that again. There is no such thing as a magic wand that with one or two waves over your head will make all your problems disappear at once. See this time in your life as a teacher of sorts. Understand that how you progress at this point in time will also determine how you deal with various concerns and challenges in the future.
Consider depression as being a friend instead of the enemy. Depression is trying to tell you that something in your life needs sorting out. And who may that enemy be? You are Lewis. Or more to the point, your cognitions, your self-talk, your perception. It's not quite so much the folks who are giving you grief. It's how YOUR mind is interpreting that information.
Your real self, the bright, intelligent, articulate and sensitive soul that you are is locked away, just begging to be let out again. It can't get out because your depressed mind won't let it. Why? Because it's too focussed on your external world and the people who populate it including what THEY think and say. You and you alone have the key to letting your real self see the light in that proverbial tunnel Lewis.
Believe it or not, you also have untapped reserves of strength within you to get through all your problems so please, look within and believe. Seek the right help to assist you in this and slowly but surely work through one issue at a time ... one day at a time ONLY and know that everything passes.
Look to things that make you happy. Join groups, volunteer, anything and everything. Check out some amazing and inspirational TedTalks. Push yourself if you must to make small positive changes in your life. Don't think. Just DO ☺
Please continue to post here and let us know how you are. As evidenced by the number and quality of reponses in this post and your previous one, the good folk here do indeed care about you.
Yes I've also found quite a few that really do help me put my life and all the concerns I have into perspective. Some talks are hugely motivational as well.
Wonderfully said, lizbett!! Lewis, please read what lizbett said over and over again!!... Here I go again, Lewis, but have you tried therapy?... it won't work Magic Overnight... ain't no such animal....BUT it would help, methinks. Love to you all.
Lewis, please post and let us know you're all right. You are mistaken about how things will be; you *can* feel better. But it is not something you can do by yourself. Please seek out help and ignore those who are treating you disrespectfully. If your age is limiting your access to help, try to find an adult to talk to. Perhaps they can steer you to help. You are so very young and you have your whole life ahead of you; please find someone you can trust to talk to.
Lewis, hello. If this seems like a totally inappropriate question, please just forgive me and blow it off.... When you say you have tried 'two different companies'... do you mean two different therapists? (Sorry if I'm slow to catch on)... and if you don't mind could you maybe try to explain what kinds of questions these therapists asked or what their suggestions might have been...???? I don't know if you read my post about my own experience with therapy, but it helped me, even when the questions were uncomfortable... How long were you with those therapists?
So hoping you will truly have some really feel-good bright spots in your day. Take care.
Hi, these two companies which are basically therapists but they are in a team. For example, one is CAHMs. It's a group of workers who give you support and therapy. I've started at a new clinic with some new people and we are going ok at the moment. But I tried to kill myself again yesterday meaning they were forced to come see me in hospital and are coming out to see me tomorrow as well to get some better medication and therapy with these people.
Lewis, I for one am very glad you are still here as I do believe in you and feel fond of you even though we have only communicated online. Medication will help level you out which is what you need first and foremost now. I do hope you're able to get the help you need. Sending hugs your way and I'm always here. Gemma
I wish i could say things change. Im 27 and have unknowingly suffered since birth with bipolar until diagnosis recently. The one thing that developes when you get older is your ability to stand up for yourself. Put it this way if someone says im attention seeking now i will really fuck them up
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