Anyone have any good experiences?

[ilovemusic]

Bittersweet works too.  Anything counts, even "I wasn't depressed for two minutes the other day".  Since I can't feel anything good (or really feel much of anything at all) lately, I'd love to hear anything that has a glimmer of hope in it from fellow depressives.  What things stand out to you that have made you feel alive and glad to be?  Even if it is a memory.

[Iluvhorses]

My faith in Jesus is the reason I haven't committed suicide. Of course you might not share my faith which is fine. I just wanted to tell you who helps me. I'm very passionate about horses because of what they are. Every time I'm with them my problems don't seem so important. There are times when I'm emotionally numb and then I go to the barn and it's like my blood is flowing through me again.

[aj36]

Hey ilovemusic, totally know what you mean when you say "can't feel anything". Are you perhaps craving for something/someone exciting to come into your life? Or wanting to go on an adventure? I know it's easier said than done, but sometimes we have to try something new in order to find it. Happy to chat with you if it'll make you feel better : )

Your post serves as a positive way to make me remember why I'm glad to be alive. Seeing my dog's happy face, petting his warm fluffy body, watching his cute butt wagging as he runs in front of me makes me glad I'm still here. 

[ilovemusic in reply to aj36]

Oh, good, Animals are great.  My cat is currently purring and staring at me while I'm typing this and reaching out his paw at me over and over.  Can't help but smile and chuckle because what a cutie!

It's weird.  I can still laugh (which I'm definitely grateful for because there have been times when my sense of humor completely vanished and those were DARK) but the numbness stays with me.

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I've been on birth control for a little over a month and I just feel very...drugged.  I got on it to eradicate hormonal acne.  Acne sucks!  For about a year before I was on the birth control I was trying to eliminate it through naturopathy because I really like the idea of eliminating the root cause more than just masking everything with a pill that makes me fake pregnant even though I know it clears my skin like magic.  Anyhow, I was trying the naturopathy thing hardcore for a year but still breaking out and having emotional breakdowns because of it and it was just so frustrating because having giant zits all over your face really affects you psychologically.  It's very isolating, because you don't want people to SEE you.  I like going out and playing music on stage not to mention I want to meet a nice man but the acne just made me feel so unattractive and want to hide and I felt it was holding me prisoner and sucking away my life.  

I've struggled with depression on and off for about twenty years, but for that year before I was on the birth control, the depression was generally triggered by the acne breakouts.  My skin affected my mood a LOT.  Here's the ironic thing: now that I'm on birth control, my skin is almost totally clear but I FEEL so much more depressed.  Oh, my God, I have to chuckle because it's like if it's not one thing, it's another.  

Honestly, I think the acne breakouts are related to an emotional trigger.  I had my heart broken a couple years ago and then told myself I was over it because I felt I SHOULD be but about a year afterwards started breaking out all the time.  And I realized I still held a lot of residual sadness.  And I've definitely had acne breakouts due to heartbreak before.  

Anyway, I think the plan at this point is to finish up this month of the birth control and then go back to the naturopathic route because my depression is notably stronger than usual.  And if that doesn't work, maybe a different type of birth control.  The thought of food was making me nauseous yesterday and I haven't had the loss of appetite depression for about four years.  So yeah.

Thanks for letting me ramble on and on at you!  It really helps.  Please feel free to share any of your frustrations or struggles with me as well.  And I'm glad you've got that cute doggie to make you feel better!

   

[aj36 in reply to ilovemusic]

Anytime, mate. Your cat sounds like such a cutie too  : ) 

Guess what? I'm plagued by acne too. It was the worst in my twenties and I took birth control pills for approx a year to clear it up. I wasn't as insightful as you though so it didn't occur to me if the pills played any negative effect on my mood. I still get the occasional zit now and then but my self esteem has already taken a huge blow and never recovered from those terrible acne years. Haven't got any advice for you in this area except to let you know you're not alone in this.

I want to ask: do you watch those cute animal videos on YouTube and Instagram? They make my heart melt and give me temporary happiness with their cuteness overload!

[ilovemusic in reply to aj36]

Haha...you better believe i watch those cute animal videos.  I especially love fluffy, big-eyed kittens.  Oh, the cuteness!

Man, that's crazy that you got the marvelous luck of acne as well.  Ugh!  I guess I didn't need to explain in such detail what it's like to you because you already KNOW haha.  Sorry you had to go through that and I hope your self-esteem gets back on track soon.  Acne and depression together, what a winning combo, huh? 

I think i'm gonna watch some kitten videos now.

[Gambit62]

I suffered over 40 years with bouts of depression and anxiety which got more severe in my 40s.  I found that mindfulness meditation helped me a lot.

However, I discovered a few years ago that I actually had an underlying physical problem and sorting that out actually resolved the depression and anxiety and gave me a life so in that sense I think there is always hope.

If you want to know more about mindfulness/mediation there is a forum on health unlocked called Couch to Buddha that started up a month or two ago - but doesn't seem to have much activity at the moment.

The medical condition related to my ability to absorb and fully process a vitamin - B12.  Yes, would have been nice to have had the diagnosis 40 years ago (and avoided a load of other problems) but you can't go back and change the past.

[ilovemusic in reply to Gambit62]

Wow!  That's interesting.  I've been more depressed since I've been on birth control, which depletes B vitamins so I wonder...

That's really cool you found the mindfulness meditation helpful.  I'm about to see a therapist this week and mindfulness is one of her specialties so here's hoping.

Thanks for your reply! 

[Zuzanka in reply to Gambit62]

Hello Gambit62,

Great news that eventually the medical problem has been detected. What is the medical solution to it?

[Gambit62 in reply to Zuzanka]

problem was inability to absorb B12 from my diet.  solution is to find other ways of getting B12 in to me - generally treated with injections - I find that nasal sprays and sublinguals work well for me .... and sorry to say most of my recovery is down to researching and treating myself rather than my GP as it's a condition that really isn't appreciated or understood at all well by GPs or most other medical specialists ... and as a B12 deficiency affects a lot of the bodies systems there are a lot of specialists that really do need to be more aware of it.

[tinaiom]

I've recently had a couple of sessions of acupuncture for various reasons and feel so much brighter and possitive, I'm not sure if it's the placebo effect but at the moment I'm just enjoying it and hoping it will continue as long as possible. 

[aj36 in reply to tinaiom]

Hi tinaiom, I'm glad you're in a good place right now and also hope you can stay there too : )

[ilovemusic in reply to tinaiom]

Awesome

[aj36]

Oh, another thing I do is tell myself: things could be worse. Instead of not "only" not feeling anything, I remember the times when my health failed me and I had the mother of all migraines and puking every 15 minutes and medications did not kick in whatsoever. I was already in mental hell and had physical hell thrown into the mix. It was pure agony.

So yea, things could be worse and I'm so glad that I've at least got my health back now. If you can relate to that, then try listing things that could be worse in your life and I hope you'll feel better.

[ilovemusic in reply to aj36]

Thanks.  Yeah, I feel that.  I've had depression episodes where I completely lost my sense of humor so at least I can still laugh at things.  Pretty important.

[Phoenix2173]

I guess for me its my god daughters all they have to do is smile and it makes me feel so much better, kids are like an anti depressant and they don't know it.  Like Aj36 my dog helps he's so cute and does the silliest things that cheer me up.  The main thing for me lately is that my first book should be going into that shops soon and Im looking forward to seeing it.  My studies help me to focus my mind on something other than depression, I've started to learn Japanese.  I am sure that if you just think you will find things in your life that make you happy to even its just a little thing.

Russell

[ilovemusic in reply to Phoenix2173]

I'm going to keep trying so I hope so.  Congrats on your book!  And yes, babies and kids can be quite the anti-depressants sometimes.

[Phoenix2173 in reply to ilovemusic]

I hope you find what makes you happy I didn't think I would so if I can you can to.

[jinirules]

I took up Indian dancing classical very hard but I am enjoying it. Never in a million years thought I would do it. I also watch a lot of comedies. 

[Olderal]

I had a flash of inspiration a few years back. I thought that if i was temporarily incapable of being happy, or feeling any emotion, then maybe i could at least increase the amount of happiness in the world. My cat never knew why she suddenly got the odd day when I fed her pate and cream, but she certainly got happier. i joked with shopkeepers , paid people compliments, and even stopped killing flies, bought my grandchildren little extra presents ,waved other drivers through etc etc. It takes a bit of concentration to keep doing it when you feel like death,but it does n't cost much. The great thing is it gives you the opportunity to feel good several times a day if you work at it. 

Sorry to say the knighthood never arrived and I never got a word of thanks from  the insects I spared but it did make me feel a little better and more useful.

Olderal 

[ilovemusic in reply to Olderal]

Oh, I love this.  Thank you for reminding me to care about others.  It will certainly take extra concentration since I DO feel like death, but what's my other option?  Focus on my misery?  I need to get outside myself.  Thank you!

[Olderal in reply to ilovemusic]

Apart from these good things there are of course great ways to upset people. One is to put a large square of blue canvas on your lawn so that passing airline passengers think you have a swimming pool. You could even cut it into a guitar shape or a piano. This is very effective if you live on a council estate.

Or how about laying out a large white circle with an "H" in the middle so they think you have a helicopter. or if you have a lot of microlights in your area you could pin out a life size sex doll. This is useful if your house is hard to find as you can tell visitors to head for the house with the vultures circling. 

These are for when you feel good. When depressed the nice things are much better.

olderal

[ilovemusic in reply to Olderal]

Oh, of course, once I feel good again goodbye altruism!  Haha.

[Kainan]

I find that a good practice to get into is to endorse yourself at any and every opportunity you get for all the good things you do throughout your day and to journal them at night so that you can look back on them and feel proud of yourself for the things you accomplished. Just like things Olderal mentioned: small things like joking with shopkeepers and paying people complements can really brighten someone's day and can brighten ours too.

I always found myself zipping through the day and using all my energy on other people and i could never really grasp onto any real sense of satisfaction. And this would always lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression. So I decided to try being mindful and truly cherish the things, however small, that I am able to do.