Let me outa my head.

[clare222]

I want a break and cant seem to ever catch one. Just a break from the stupid pathetic me. I can step out and look at myself but then i have to go back in. I can act luke a camelion and be like different things to different people. The problem is is that, thats not me. I hate being anxious all the time, scared, paranoid to the point i think everyone is looking at me wanting to kill me or hurt me. Days are so exhausting. I cant handle this much longer.x sorry to keep annoying you

[Suzie40]

You haven't annoyed me - not in the slightest. I'm just sorry you're feeling so pants. How are things now? x

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi Clare222, How are you feeling now? Hang in there, don't despair, we are here and listening. I can only imagine how exhausting, distressing and painful these negative, spiralling thoughts are for you. You are doing so well bravely sharing how you feel, and folks here are reaching out to you. You know thoughts are just thoughts, and the only power they have over us is the power we give them. In many ways these negative thought patterns are like quicksand and the more we engage with them, and struggle to fight them, the more we get sucked in. But if we deny those thoughts 'airtime', by just briefly acknowledging them, but not engaging with them, then distract yourself by doing something e.g. sing along to favourite music, watch a funny movie, go out for a walk in the countryside or park, or hold a warm mug of tea. I'm not saying this is easy to do when your mind feels like a train that is steaming ahead with a momentum of its own. But it is possible. You are an amazing person, who has had to overcome so much. No way are you annoying! You will get stronger, and you will get control. Stay in touch.

[clare222 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Im sorry, im feeling just the same miss. Totally overwhelmed by negative thoughts. But the problems with thought is that when they exist and coerce with another one and another and so on you find yourself fully tangled in an emotional web that you can sometimes only imagine getting out of by removing your very being from life because in this wave of emotional chaos dearh seems much more appealing. I cannot understand how people can ruin you and go on but your left feeeling this way. Can i ask you can i speak to you in private as i have a question id like to ask you. Thank you.x

[Hidden]

Claire, you've spoken with such clarity for me, although your mind doesn't seem that way. I want you to know you're not alone with how you feel in this world. And you'll be hopefully happy to know it was enough to inspire me to join up to something like this for the first time in my life, in the hope I can speak with like minded people to soothe this constant pain you speak of. You say you're able to adapt to many different types of people, I understand this i truly do, in that, whilst it's the most incredible trait to yeild, it's also dangerous. It can certainly put yourself in vunerable positions as it's a selfless charactisitc. I'm over-joyed you have this trait it's rare, never disregard this. It's easy to list lots of things to do, but I maybe feel in your current mind set and lack of love for your beautiful self Claire, that your clarity in making the kind decision for yourself is abit foggy. So you'll certainly going to feel like a nervous wreck. We live in a cruel fight or flight society, don't be hard on yourself, we are all leaning our patterns aren't sustainable. We loose touch with who we are.

You absolutely have the courage to find out who you are and what drives you. Never give up that fight, find the love you have so you make the right decisions for yourself and the future you have.

I don't mean to be any preacher, because I'm not. I understand pain.You gave me courage to reach out for support, and we're all here on earth to help each other, I like to think...

I know one thing, I'd like to strive for real love and care in teachings of life in the future. Keep on Claire, things will get better, you will be stronger the longer you battle, and you will continue to succeed. You're loved and will always have that around you.

Get stuck in to your pleasures in life, go on your adventures this is yours to rule!

Big love,

Juicy

[clare222]

Thank you for such a warm loving response to me. I dont deserve that. Your so nice. Im tainted. But i really read over and over what you said miss as i have with all my replys and cant believe how nice people are to disgusting me. It feels so wrong to hate myself when i read nice statements. But i do and im so sorry becausr i cant help it and you all have taken the time to try cheering me up. But i can say that i respect you and everyone whose spoken to me. And the more i read over the commentry i do keep trying to shift my thinking even a little. Maybe its time needed. But it took 30odd yrs to get to this way right back to being a child. I dnt know how long i can go on now. But thank you for your kind words and proud of you for getting the courage to seek hrlp. Its nice to be nice as people are on here and if i can help you by chatting if im able to il do so through pm. Thanx again miss. Lotsa love.x

[Hidden in reply to clare222]

Hey hey tainted love For a start I continued to spell your name incorrectly throughout...for that I apologise, you're worth more than that! It's bad enough I know, you're down and some stranger has been really nice but can't get a name right, pshhh!!! Small things make everything ok sometimes, so I'm paying more attention! These words aren't just nice, as I'm sure they ring true for you in a confusing nice tainted way!! Hey, I also grew in this world experiencing and gaining enough knowledge to know it's mostly full of self centered c**nts (excuse my French haha). I'll admit I was a self rightious with this notion at first, but I do understand, as you will with yourself-you're not alone. We all have a tendency to shut ourselves away when we feel we have no place, but life has just begun for you!! You've found the strength to realise what's going on with you, that you need to change things for your own purpose! What you're feeling is your body reaction to needing to something about it.

You're living with your eyes open now! I know you feel perhaps what's the point, I've managed to mess up my life so catostrophicly that this is the end. I felt like that every day, but it's not true. The more negativity cycling in the brain it becomes engrained, it's why complusive liars can believe things with such conviction! Not that you're anything like that, but it's the same science!

Clare! Whats your favorite thing to do? Could be anything, no boundaries?

There's always people here for you everywhere! Strangers are willing to be nice so you can't be all that bad aye?!?

Big love! Juicy Lucy

[Liz-WideOpenSpaces]

Hi

Sorry to hear you're feeling so bad. Our minds can be so fragile. Hopefully it will help just to share what's going on in your head a bit -even if it's just here. But if there's anyone else that you might be able to talk to/ even just writing it down.

Hope you feel better soon

ps you haven't annoyed me at all. None of us wish these things upon ourselves