Thanks to those who were kind to me last night when I was very low...

[Kev45]

I've deleted my post from last night for a couple of reasons. Firstly I was drinking and was embarrassed by my post. Secondly, given that I was feeling absolutely wretched and desperate I used words which appear to have offended people. But thanks to those who chose to offer support rather than tell me off for swearing.

Additional :- This is not an apology for the 'bad' language. When people are going through emotional distress the way they express themselves may be by using expletives. Among the countless kind people who comment on here are a few who really shouldn't. The person who commented '...if you really wanted to kill yourself you would so less of the f*ck this f*ck that...less of the sorry for yourself routine I want to die...don't post obscenities on this site' I hope you never respond to someone more volatile than myself who is right on the edge. Your priorities are absurd. I've partly edited the swearing even though you didn't which is highly ironic in the context of a badly written, patronising and completely unhelpful telling off about using obscenities. Personally I was more offended by your appalling use of grammar than I ever am by swear words.

[Hidden]

Didn't see your post Kev but you could never offend me with your swearing. I do hope you are feeling better now. X

[Kev45 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Jo, I've messaged you privately to explain x

[Photogeek in reply to Kev45]

Kev hope your ok, the thing is drinking makes Depression

Much worse, but m not lecturing you And I am sure you know all

That.

Stick around please and let us know how you are, as people on this

Forum are very kind and supportive and you will not be judged.

Hannah

[Kev45 in reply to Photogeek]

Thanks Hannah, I know it was stupid to drink when I was already feeling emotional and low. I just wanted a break from my mind for a while and alcohol does that temporarily. But yeah I know it's not a good thing.

And there are some really nice people on here, you're right.

[Scanu07]

Hey Kev 45 i too missed what you wrote last night..i am guessing that you was going through it. I also would not of been offended by your use of language. Surely people who care and have mental heath issues would be more concerned by your by state of mind than bad language. It sounds like that you found some people who understood rather than give you a lecture when you was already feeling vulnerable. Surely we are not here to judge but support one another??

[Kev45 in reply to Scanu07]

Thank you. That was why I was kind of shocked. I admittedly wasn't handling things very well last night but I was obviously not trying to deliberately offend people.

[wentworth67 in reply to Kev45]

I think we all lose it sometimes its our way of dealing with it .Better in than out i say at least you expressed your inner thoughts hugs Paula xxx

[Kev45 in reply to wentworth67]

Thanks Paula, yeah Im not always sure that's a good idea for me lol xx

[Hidden]

Hello Kev

I did not read your post last night, it must have been well on in the evening.

Generally sometimes members may balk at swearing, all I can suggest is start again and I may be able to give you support. and a listening ear.

Remember people are on this site because of this horrible disability and we all have our own needs, no swearing is often, one of them. So we honour everyone and their wishes.

If you were in crisis everyone will try and help. Most are very kind and understanding.

Tonight is my beer and malt night, I generally go very quiet after my Scottish Treat.

How can I help ??

BOB

[Kev45 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Bob, really kind of you. I think last night I made a huge error of judgment when I decided to get drunk. It doesn't often effect me that way. I can generally have a few beers and all that happens is I lighten up for a little while but last night it exacerbated my already strained emotions and I felt desperately lower than I had been for a while. Lots of people, yourself included have been very supportive and understanding and I'll be ok.

Kev

[Hidden]

Hi I didn't see your post either, but to be honest if someone is swearing a lot I wouldn't even consider answering it! But if anyone did object there are much nicer ways of saying please don't swear. I am shocked that someone could have responded in such an awful way to you which is totally uncalled for.

Fortunately we get very little nastiness on here and if I had seen it I would have remonstrated with them harshly. I am glad you came back. We all help and support each other here which is the purpose of the site after all. x

[Kev45 in reply to Hidden]

I don't usually swear on my posts but I wasn't in a good place last night. I think it must have been obvious that I was really struggling and wasn't just swearing to offend anyone.

Thank you for being one of the nice people of this site

[Hidden in reply to Kev45]

Thank you Kev. x

[SunshineJones]

Hi Kev,

I didn't see your original post but I don't think you should feel ashamed about it. When we drink it makes us more honest anyway, it doesn't mean that when you are sober those feeling go away necessarily, but it makes it harder to talk about sometimes I think.

I am glad you have found some support here, but I certainly hope you were able to report the person who commented those vile things. This is not a place for that sort of thoughts or opinion, and quite frankly could be downright dangerous to someone, who as you say, who may be more fragile. It is tantamount to cyber-bullying.

Swear away! If you were going to get into serious trouble for it then you would be "told off" properly by a moderator, not a jumped up, good for nothing troll.

I hope you aren't feeling so low now, and will still accept support here and elsewhere too.

Sunny x

[welly10]

Now if you mean me I was right on the edge when I came on here I was actually on a bridge at one point and I still didn't use foul language.there are lots of people on here that are right on the edge.a 56 year old male friend of mine recently jumped off the Humber bridge and is now dead.he had depression for 20 years hid it very well.so we all think of doing things like not been here it's when you get to the stage of actually planning it then you need help big time.oh by the way alcohol is a depressive and will make you worse.i hope you get the help you need and you will find you will get the support and understanding you need.my father is an alcohol and depressed has been for years while I was off work for 8 months with depression I had to move back there it was terrible seeing him like that all the while I was battling my thoughts.i have found having larger shandy does quich my thing for a beer and you don't get pissed.i do hope you get the right help and get back on the road to recovery.

[Kev45 in reply to welly10]

Hello, firstly I'm sorry to hear you've had problems and extremely saddened to hear what happened to your friend. That's really tragic.

Secondly yes I was referring to you. I understand that for some reason 'foul' language is something you find offensive. That's totally your right. Personally I only see words and think they only gain power by how we react to them. They are merely words. Unless they are being directed at someone in an attempt to be abusive they are purely a means of expression and being offended by them or not is our choice. I can see that depression and suicide have affected you and people you know, I can empathise with that pain. However, my main issue with your comment from the other night is your decision to prioritize and condemn swearing in a rather patronizing mannor on a post that was clearly from someone who was really distressed and upset. My point being that if someone is in a vulnerable state it might only take one thoughtless word that pushes them over that edge. Fortunately it didn't. Thankfully it was me and not for example, a vulnerable adoloscent. But just because you have some experience of depression and suicide (as do I) you should not assume you know how close someone else is to taking their own life. Are you sure I haven't made plans before? Is somebodies use of words really worth challenging, more important than a little understanding and compassion?

I hope this doesn't come across to harshly. I realise and appreciate you mean well. I only ask of you to consider just how important the words are compared to the message. Swearing won't ever hurt anyone.

Take care.

[welly10 in reply to Kev45]

All I am bothered about kev is you get the help you need to get you through this rough period in your life.maybe it's just me but if I'm ffffing and blinding it just makes me feel worse and think worse.it was not the swearing that bothered me as much but you could do more like meditate or breathing exercises then maybe you would not curse as much.i remember when I was really bad and had insomnia for a month I thought I was going crazy I started nipping myself and cursing to see if it would alter the dark thoughts I was having.no it didn't help at all.maybe it works for you and if that does I apologise for the first post.but if you haven't yet read up on lots of things I did and believe me once I found out how my brain was working I could and have learnt to deal with it still have 1/2/3 crap days a month but my coping mechs are greater now I have read a few books on my condition.i hope all goes well and you find your way on your journey.i also found helping at mind I've other people helps yourself enormously.

[deejames]

Sorry you had your post deleted Kev. If that is truly one of the replies you got the person should be ashamed of themselves and possibly removed from the site. As you say that could have tipped you over the edge.

Its probably better to not you the f....k words as people do get offended but sometimes it just comes out when you are really miserable and depressed.

I hope things are better now

Dee

[Mandy6513]

I did read your post and wanted to take my time with a reply but you have deleted it.

I was not offended in any way by your descriptive words and in a strange way the negative replies you have had probably got you mad and diverted your thoughts....

Stay of the drink honey it does let us escape for a while but it takes us to a worse place

Im so glad your feeling more positive x

[Kev45 in reply to Mandy6513]

Thanks Mandy. That night was a new high in getting low, but I'm doing ok I think. Or at least better than that night. x

[Hidden]

Agree totally with your amendment Kev. A truly disgusting response to a cry for help. Hope you are ok today. X

[Misszippy_76]

Kev here's a big hug ☺ been there done that will probably do it again. Lol. I once had a similar outburst on Facebook. Putting it mildly the support from so called friends was negative and non existent. Since I deactivated my account my mental health is a lot better. Xxx

[Kev45 in reply to Misszippy_76]

Thank you. At those time when we truly lose it we really find out who our friends are. I've had a facebook break since xmas and i 'm glad. In general I like being an open book and sharing my thoughts with people,which is why 78+78+78+78+78+78+78+78+78+78+78+78+78+78+78+78+i used to like facebook so much. Currently I'm happier doing this more annonymously on here! xx

[Kev45 in reply to Kev45]

(dunno what all that '78+' business is about!!!)

[Misszippy_76 in reply to Kev45]

Ha ha ha maybe it's auto correct for swearing or 78 the IQ of the people who griefed you lol 😊xx

[Hidden in reply to Misszippy_76]

Me too. Cannot stand Facebook. I don't know why people feel the need to constantly update their 'status'.

[Moonmoo]

I didn't see your post but I'm glad you are feeling a little better. We've all been there at some point and words are just words. I'm saddened you received a negative response to a cry for help. You can always pm me if you need help again xx I hope not but you know where I am.

Take care

Louise X