It's all coming back to me thought I was doing so well

Hi me again most of you know that I had 4 deaths in 5 and a half mths 2 being my mum and then my partner of 25 yrs mum in Feb then dell in June well I went work about 3 weeks after dell my.partner passed away thinking and hoping it was the best thing to do well cut a long story short after a few bad days at different times I really thought i was turning a corner so to speak but now I've just gone back to the way I was before crying all the time I've just started counciling and was j6st stating to feel OK then I was told I have a phone appointment with medical people at work after that a meeting as I have hit the trigger spot for sickness now I've just gone down hill again can't go into work today as I know what I will be 1 more day off sick I feel I'm struggling with my concentration I need that as i raise repairs for tenants plus keep thinking of my mum 1st anniversary my birthday this month every thing on shops is 4 valentines and I know work prob best thing for me but right now and today it won't be was any 1 else like me is this normal? Xxx

8 Replies

  • Keep on keeping on. Try to keep your job and work with your counsellor and employer to do your best.

    Well done

  • Of course it is normal to feel like this. You are human not a machine. Some one said, think it was Churchill, when you are going through Hell, keep going. Time is a great healer. xxxxxxxxxxx

  • Hi how you are feeling is completely normal. Losing 1 loved one is enough to send anyone in a downward spiral let alone 4. Returning to work can be a good thing sometimes, but at others it's better to let yourself heal a bit first.

    Will tell you a story. A few years ago a friend lost her father. She shared a flat with him and heard a thump and he had just dropped dead in the lounge. She seemed to be dealing with it and went back to work after a week or so. 3 months on it really hit her and she had a breakdown.

    You need to take the time to grieve and your health is much more important than your job. Tell your employers that obviously you need time to heal a bit, but you expect to be able to return to your job in the not too distant future. Remind them of your losses and they should understand.

    Keep us updated and look after yourself. x

  • Oh, Champagne! Give yourself a break. You carry a heavy burden with all that loss. Yes, work is important & can distract you, but go ahead & take whatever help is available to you. Valentine's Day will be hard. I'm so sorry. It will be a miserable day for me as well. You won't be alone. I've been thinking of doing something to distract myself. I think I'll try to volunteer at an animal shelter. Don't sit alone, if you can. Talk to us.

  • The day I lost my Mum changed my life forever. I was always a regular poster on here and the friends I made on this site helped me through some really tough times when she was ill. After she died I was a mess for such a long time. I couldn't focus on anything, my depression went crazy and nothing made any sense any more. People will tell you it gets easier; I don't know if easier is the right word. You just learn to manage days without crying. I don't have any profound words for you. I just wanted to you know that when I say I understand how you feel - I really do x

  • Thank you to each and every one of you I'm so glad I found this site this month is going to be pure torture mums died on the 9th sisters birthday 12th valentines day 14thwe buried mum on the 23rd without my step dad as his daughter would not let him be buried with her even though we all knew that's what mum and him wanted then my birthday on the 25thbut I suppose everyone goes through all this so dam hard thanks guys xxx xz

  • Well doctors has put me on 2 week sick leave now so hopefully I might get back on track we will see xx

  • dear Champagne,

    so sad and sorry about your story of multiple tragedies . Looks like you were somehow in denial and now you are having a serious breakdown as a result of delayed shock & unresolved grief . Happened to me . I just pretended nothing happened , went on automatic pilot for several months , desperately tried to keep busy and ended up very depressed and crying non stop for days & days .

    You need to give yourself some time to properly grieve and recharge your batteries too . I am sure your deceased mum would be very sad to see you unhappy and she still wants the best for you .

    As for Valentine' s day think of all the many poor women like who are isolated, live on their (no husband or partner) and are terribly lonely and never had a chance to celebrate St Valentine's with any loved one . I wont mention Christmas , New Year , birthday, etc.. So you are sort of " lucky" compared to me and all those other depressed lonely invisible women .

    Hope you get better soon . Don't give up your job as it helps you get outside and meet other people and temporarily forget your immense suffering . Take care. cecilia13xxx

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