black dogs and life or not existing?

so there are loads of us with DOGs - I really thought that I was very different - it is really reassuring that we all have this visitor -yes he (or she) is a VISITOR.... that's really great news isn't it - we all know that eventually this dog will wander on out of our lives.

BUT this is the problem - what do we do whilst it is here with us... we can't really just sit with it - we need to do something - even if it is getting out of bed and getting dressed. that's the biggest thing I can do each time.

The fact that we all talk about not going on or as I find myself saying, actually I don't belong on this earth or plain, just feeling that I am not really here - is that a bit peculiar?? Its difficult to explain. i just don't want to be alive - all the time, but everyone wants me to be here, and my mom made me specially for the family, so i can't really just go - disappear - it would be mean. she is really nice and i wouldn't want to hurt her or my sister... or even my lovely children.... so i have to balance my idea of not existing with their need for me...

oh crap this was supposed to be positive...

2 Replies

  • Hello Lydia

    I do not know about dogs the ones we have had knew where their bread was buttered and would stay and hold on until the kennel in the sky took them in .

    Our Pax is very concerned if we are not well, sad or grumpy, He is always around. He sleeps on the bed between the two of us, He is a very important member of our family.

    Remember we are here to learn, and those around us are really supposed to care about us.

    If you are so tentative and sad talk to your GP, there are treatments to help getting you out of that rut you may feel you have entered and now trying hard to clamber out of.

    Depression is hard you do not need to proceed through life with your head bent over your feet Soon the sun will be here for Spring, you need to be able to feel the warmth on your face


  • Hi Lydia, have you ever watched a good magician, they create illusions which appear so real, it's our own brain that is creating that illusion from what our eyes have seen.

    In the same way it's our brain that is creating the illusion that we are either worthless or life is so unbearable all the time, or that it will never get better. There is so much fear and vulnerability for the unknown that sometimes we just can't face it, and most of the time just don't know how?

    So what is the solution? I guess partly not believing in the illusion, constantly searching for the little things that fill our hearts with warmth and love. Remembering times when you were filled with happiness as much as possible so that you know where you are trying to go.

    Make the journey through life full of learning, be inquisitive and open to as much as possible, so that you collect coping techniques along the way. Learn to let go of hurt, we can't usually forget things but sadly we are the ones that can sometimes inflict the most pain just by constantly reliving the memories.

    Depression is exhausting and sometimes moving forward is painfully slow, but as long as we do keep trying to move forward eventually you see that there are many incredible things in this world to experience and you wouldn't want to trade those experiences for anything.

    Good luck on your journey, I so hope you are able to enjoy again the things that made you smile before. Lots of hugs, Moni xxx

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