Crashed. And it's not even February. :(

[Dreamer366]

So I crashed. I'm depressed, as ever, and it's all gone to pot!!

Good deeds, good intentions, all gone out of the window!

The Doctor increased the dosage of my medication, which just makes me MORE tired and LESS able to function!!

After 3 days of barely leaving the sofa, and FEEDING my misery, I gave up on the increased meds.

It's seems that there's a choice, be zombified and sleep all day, okay no drama, no panic attacks, etc, but no LIFE either.

Or you cut down on, cut out the meds and you have permanent Depression, lows and crashes.

What's the point? It's a horrible illness, and there's no way out.

[ladeda]

Sorry to say this time of year can be the worst, you want to try so hard but some days its easier to just sink a bit lower and give up on the hard work you were doing.

Don't be hard on yourself though, just keep trying different tactics. Sometimes it can help writing little things down that you want to do the following day, and if you manage any of them, give a big yes!

When your down one of the hardest things can be socializing and yet it's sometimes one of the most helpful, talk over how you feel but be open to anyone who tries to help by going or doing something with you, its hard when you don't feel like it, but anyway you can try to change will help in time.

Are you having counselling? Its always worth a try but doesn't work for everyone just like medications aren't always the answer.

I find when I am very sick and can't do anything, I will often listen to talks on YouTube, there are some lovely TED talks that are inspiring and informative, and they just leave me feeling a little better that I am not doing anything to help myself, but knowing that tomorrow I might just be able to.

I hope the anguish passes soon and some little thing will just strike a cord to give you the conference to push forward again.

Lots of hugs, Moni xxx

[WantToChange]

Hi, sometimes there is no way out, at least for a long time. I am struggling in this time of year too, there's a lot trying to overcome me and it's tough getting out of bed and making the bus on time.

But there is still a point. There are still small things that help. Looking after my new pets has helped me, especially today which hasn't been great at all. Because they need me is what puts me into action, and their sillyness puts a smile on my face and I momentarily forget what's getting me down. Pets can be somewhat therapeutic. There's not much else I do besides work, but these animals make it worth it for me.

And what feels great is that they can't choose another human over me.

Perhaps adopting a pet or working with animals could help you too? x

[maineknitter]

Call your doctor and tell him how the med change affected your system and that you have gone back to the original dose.

Be prepared to hear that drug changes can take months to complete and be effective.

Also, there are a variety of drugs that treat depression depending on your symptoms and reactions to various treatments. Finding the perfect set and dosage of drugs to treat depression takes time and is very much an experimental process, with you not only as the test subject, but also the best results generator.

By telling your doctor about the symptoms and side effects of the meds and depression, and at some point it may be hard to tease them apart, but as long as you keep reporting on your experience, then your doctor can work with you to get to the best place possible for you.

I have been on both sedating and upper antidepressants. I know what I am talking about from experience.

You may have to advocate for yourself by bringing this up, talking with your healthcare team and doctor, and taking notes or having a friend to go to appointments with you to help remind you of what the doctor said and what you wanted to tell the doctor.

Before you call the doctor, write down your symptoms and a rough timeline if you can. By beginning to build this document now, you will have it on file for if you change doctors or move or need to remind yourself of details later.

Include as much about meds tried and the reactions to them that your system had.

Also, I noticed a note of self blaming in your post, like why can't I get over this by now?!? It's not your fault.

Depression is a misformation of the brain wiring system. The meds we take for it are chemicals that help create specific electrical impulses so that the way our brains were made can be helped to work better.

Like, an epileptic person takes medicine to reduce the electricity generation in their brain to avoid having as many seizures in their life. Only in our cases, the meds change the kind of electricity generation to be happier or at least not so deeply low.

[Olderal]

It is a horrible illness although the more episodes you have of it the better placed you are to deal with it. You will learn ways of coping and your GP will have a chance to find the right anti depressants for you.

I used to find when depressed that I never wanted to go to bed and i think this might have been because I'd had so little pleasure during the day,I felt cheated and stayed up to try and get some enjoyment by finding a good late night TV program or something to enjoy. It took me quite a while before I realised how stupid this was as ~i got more and more tired, . As a result I ws tired and sometimes napped during the day so then I was less tired at night stayed up later and later and was more and more tired during the day.

This is not good as when depressed most people need more sleep . ~Eventually I realised the trick was to go to bed earlier,say at ten and take eight or nine hours in bed. Regular sleep habits and earlier nights are a big help in coming out of depression and will mean you'll probably be less tired and lethargic during the day. This will make you feel better about yourself . This way you'll be helping yourself and at the end of the day ,although drugs and support from others will help ,it is just as more important to help yourself as much as possible. After all it is n't that difficult to do this. I would n't even worry if you don't sleep all of the time you're in bed, at least you are resting and eventually you will get back to giving your body all the sleep you need at night rather than during the day. Also you can better afford the odd late night if you are enjoying yourself , without feeling so exhausted.

I have n't found antidepressants (and I've taken most over 40 years) ever left me zombified so maybe your GP has n't found the right drug for you yet . Also although I could n't always do it, I could usually find some sort of social life and some (although not a lot) enjoyment even when depressed. Although depression can be pretty awful it does n't have to mean a choice between being a Zombie, or having a life.

Olderal

[Dreamer366]

Omg. Thank you. So much of this resonated with me. You could have read straight from my diary. And you speak a lot of sense. You gave me a 'why' for when I never want to go to bed, I'm usually up till 3 or 4am watching movies on Netflix. I will try to take your advice on board, And thank you for taking the time and trouble to get back to me.

I'm actually having a fairly functioning day today. I'm supposed to be going out tonight. Outwardly I'm fine, I even managed to get to the hairdressers!!!! Inwardly, I'm petrified, and anxious as anything, but I'm determined to go. Even if it's just for a few.

[Olderal in reply to Dreamer366]

You keep being determined to go to things. They all do you good and events are hardly ever as stressful as you imagine once you get there. The anticipation is almost almost worse than the event. Also the next one is even les stressful as you know you've done it once with no problems.