I have been separated from my wife for 9 weeks now for lying. I didn't mean to hurt anybody, but because I lied, my wife wants nothing to do with me anymore.
My story: I have been married for 15 years and we were together for 17. We have 3 lovely kids. I lied to my wife and kids about having some inheritance to come. Although I did have some inheritance to come, I exaggerated as to how much, letting everyone believe that we were going to be set up for life. To be honest, I never imagined that my lies would do so much damage. I know I should have been honest from the start, but I believed that we would get enough to sort us out. On the strength of my inheritance, I started borrowing money from our friends, with every intention of paying it back When my inheritance came through. The problem is, because I exaggerated as to how much I was getting, the actual figure was no where near what I had expected to get. I know I should have been straight with everyone at the time, but I didn't want to upset any body. Well now, a couple of years later, I couldn't live with the lies no longer and I admitted to the wife that I lied. She went mad, and now we have separated. She is refusing to speak to me and I haven't seen or spoken to the wife or kids since the beginning of October. I don't know what to do. My friends don't talk to me and my family have turned there backs on me. Everyday is worse than the day before and I don't know how much more I can take. I am alone in this world with no one. I never intended to hurt anyone, but my lies have destroyed everyone and everything I ever loved. I made a silly mistake, and now I am paying the ultimate price and I don't know what to do. I have tried contacting my wife but she ignores all my attempts. What can I do?
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Hello Lancaster
Basically we should never lie to those who love us, I do not know if you have been a habitual liar or a person who tells white lies over an extended period
Their is an old saying
You can protect yourself from a Thief, although you are unable to protect yourself from a Lair.
I once went out with a women that I thought the world of, She lied once, quite a serious lie and it burned me up for three years. The relationship then failed.
My relationship with my Wife is that of honesty, even if the truth hurts, No white lies.
No lies regards money, It is a straight relationship. Once lies come to the fore that can destroy a relationship
I really cannot suggest a way out here, if the lie was serious especially over money that can be a real crusher.
All I can hope for you is that your better half comes back around as does your family.
Some people can eventually come around again, it would seem if the lie is large or small you have broken trust. Sorry
Thanks bob, I know I messed up, it was only a little white lie to begin with, mainly because of our financial problems at the time. It just spiralled out of control. I want to try and make things better but the no contact makes it hard. I could go and cause merry hell at the house, but this will only upset things more and I don't want that. Maybe in time she will hear me out.
Hi Lancaster, I can empathise with you in the 'loss' of your wife as mine walked out on me a month ago leaving me totally devastated and without any purpose in my life as she was my World. The reasons for her leaving were different and due to my general anger and irritability caused due my anxiety, depression and frustration with certain situations. My wife is still in contact occasionally but it's all very 'cold' and talking about practical matters like our car ownership and future living arrangements. I can only hope my wife will return, but I doubt it so must plan for the future. I am receiving counselling which is working for me and would recommend it, only with an experienced counsellor though. I am very upset and angry with my wife but know that confrontation or any stupid actions on my part will destroy everything so am keeping calm, at least on the surface!
I have lied in the past about money and know that the truth will always come out eventually. Ride with the punches mate and hopefully things will resolve themselves. Good luck. BP
My life over the last thirty years has been one of disability, pain and associated depression. Now I find myself at sixty five having to have tests for dementia generally caused by what seems my condition. I have never been untruthful regards my health and always told the facts to my Wife Hazel. I have never made light or made matters worse than my condition was. This has now born fruit where Hazel can contribute to my condition treatment and we act in partnership when any treatments needed.
We always deal with finances as one and we are both together when we talk about money. We never have an allowance even, what we need we buy, always in site of each other we also do the weekly shop together. If we buy a car or visit the Bank Manager we go together, also we have our own lists of family money, where it is etc. To do anything else would be very wrong.
All I can really suggest is that you write your Wife a letter and explain and ask to be forgiven, also say sorry, a very difficult word to use in this sort of Society. You also both need to discuss a way forward now as you have not just upset your Wife, also family members on both sides of the fence, hopefully things may turn again, and you will be able to get back to normal, whatever that is
Good Luck I hope things go well for you. Remember Money is the biggest form of worry and concern in a family environment, sad to say
Hi bob, I have sent my wife letters,cards, texts and she refuses to reply to any off them. She is a very stubborn woman who does not forgive easy. I am not one for causing a scene at the house so I don't venture there. Its just really hard as this will be my first xmas in 17 years with no one about and not seeing the kids is going to be really hard.
I really do not know how to help you, this is going to take time. My family that I have now nothing to do with was money hungry. They would work on a personal weakness.
Not a happy site. I walked and disappeared from them and now live in a more complete environment where I do not need to communicate with them.
Could it be that this problem you have is part of another problem over the years and this is been used as an excuse?.
Many family problems seem to fester over the years and sometimes because of this you are taking a hiding for nothing, although you do admit what you did was wrong. this is only used as an excuse to get at you.
My Mother and sisters were real bitches and would make an error a real hanging event.
If there is something the same you may have given a chance to to walk away. It is just a suggestion. You will need to know, if that could be the problem. Believe me when I say their is nothing more devious than a women with an axe to grind as she could actually sour those who have been around you
thanks bob, what makes things harder is that my wife has had 2 affairs whilst we have been married. I have forgiven her on both occasions because I love her. She has had a really violent marriage prior to me meeting her. She was beaten up etc by her ex husband. I know from her dad that she had hardened her heart because of how she was treated by her ex lowlife. Im not saying I am an angel, but I have never laid a hand on any woman. I love this woman through all her faults you know bob. Its making me well up even writing this to you. Im a soppy git who honestly never meant to hurt anybody. My wife and my kids are my life, and with out them, I am nothing. Its really hard, but the hardest part is the no contact. In 9 weeks ive had one text telling me to Fxxx Off. Im not one for handling rejection to well, especially when that rejection is from the love off my life.
Maybe you have handed her the way to justify her affairs on a plate. If she is determined to take advantage of it, then maybe you are better off without her.
Do not despair. You are not nothing without anyone. You made a mistake, that is all. You already did the right thing by coming clean about it. If your wife is worthy of you she will forgive you as you forgave her. If not, then well maybe this is for the best. One day you will look back and see things in a different light. Try to make amends with your friends and do not withdraw. Real friends will be there for you if you apologise and show you are trying to sort things out. This is a test of your inner strength and you have to fight.
All I can suggest is just wait until She simmers. If She has been selective in Her honesty it will be beneficial just to forget the error you did as she has also done wrong.
Some times as mentioned before money always brings the worst out of some people and greed can be a powerful mood changer.
We are always around if you need to chat with friends on site.
Hi Dave, so sorry to hear things got so out of control for you and it will take some time to repair the hurt everyone must now be feeling.
You have children though that you have the right to see, have you set up visiting them, taking them out for the day maybe and just trying to enjoy their company? There is no point trying to explain anything to them at this point, just let them know you love them and want to spend time with them.
Who knows the children maybe will help you all just being able to slowly just say a few words to one another?
I would never condone lying, but I also don't think you can shoulder 100% of the blame, as your wife also took the easy option of just believing you would sort absolutely everything so she didn't have to worry about anything or question anything, that's an awful lot to put on your shoulders and life must have been very successful for a long while with such a weight.
Maybe once you are able to start talking again you can get her to agree to trying some marriage guidance, as this is something you both need to work on, not just you having told lies and needing forgiveness.
I hope things soon start to improve, but maybe you can start the ball rolling by contacting relate or something, so they can give advice and support you through such a difficult time.
Hello ladeda. The wife refuses to reply to my requests to see the kids. Because of me trying to contact her on numerous occasions via text etc, she called the police and had me arrested for harassment. She was happy when she was spending and the debts got paid, but now that ive admitted to lying she has totally gone against me. All ive heard is that she wants no more to do with me because I lied to the kids. I know I can fight for the kids, but being homeless with no contact address makes things really hard. everyone and everything is against me. I felt bad living a lie, which is why I owned up. I hate myself more now as ive lost everything. I was trying to make the best out of a bad situation and now I have nothing. Sorry ladeda, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. I need to speak to some one face to face but I have no one except my councillor whom I only speak to on the phone once every 2 weeks.
Send the kids their cards and Christmas gifts, as best you can, and let them enjoy their Christmas with as little drama as possible. they will be fine, especially if you keep drama out of their lives. Focus on sorting out somewhere to live and your income, and get yourself in a better place before anything else. Even if your wife does relent and you decide to make another go of it, you will be better off if you have your life sorted, rather than just going back into a difficult situation too soon.
I am so sorry things are so bad, but you can't continue to punish yourself for ever. We make mistakes and you can't take things back and do them over again. Sadly you have to concentrate on getting yourself sorted as much as you can.
You could always try writing a nice friendly letter to your wife, not asking for her to take you back, but just saying you know you did wrong and are working hard on trying to sort yourself out, but just saying how much you love the children and miss them, so please could you just talk them out for a small treat or something? Maybe that way she wouldn't feel threatened or angry, and think more how it may help matters.
Time can be a healer, but you need a lot of understanding and support to help you through this, so try where you can to get that. Sorry I wouldn't know how you get it all, but just don't give up, try your GP, get assigned a social worker? Try the Samaritans, anything but don't keep punishing yourself for what you can no longer change. Xx
Sorry your lesson not to lie has been such a hard one. Your relationship with your wife could be over , I think you should try and show that you're a great father. Start by going for visitation and keeping to the agreement.
You aren't going to find a quick and easy fix, but there are still people who are talking to you they just happen to be in cyberspace.
Thank you for your reply betty. I know now that I shouldn't have lied, but at the beginning I didn't see the harm that it could do. Every penny of the money borrowed went to the wife. I never had any of it. Why is she hurting me so badly. xxx
Maybe because you did not trust her enough to share your troubles with her. You led her up the garden path allowing her to feel secure, and then pulled the rug out from under her. She will be feeling insecure and not knowing who she can trust. This is a horrible feeling. It is akin to you having an affair. The hurt comes as much from realising you are not able to trust your own judgement, and makes you feel vulnerable. She may be feeling a fool too that she allowed you to take over financial matters, and wishing she had had more input. Now she might feel it more important to make her own world secure before allowing anyone back into it.
I do not know how you can win back her trust, but the one thing you can give her is to respect her wishes and keep away from her for now. Yes, try to see your kids, but do not use them to find out about her. Keep off that subject at all times.
Actually, having read the post where you explained about how she has hardened her heart over her last relationship, I feel worried that she will react badly to this experience as well. People who cannot let go of past hurts become bad partners to the next person, or to the same partner if they stay together.
If you guys do decide to make a go of it, perhaps she should get some counseling too, to help her with her attitude to men in general. We all have had difficult times in our lives and we cannot use them as excuses to treat other people badly. We need to face them and deal with it, then move on.
wow, your words are so true. I have given my wife everything she ever wanted. I worshipped the ground she walks on. I love her more now than when we met which is why this ignoring me is hurting me so much. I know I probably sound pathetic but I cant help the way I feel. She is not just my wife, she is my best friend and sole mate. The 2 affairs she had, I forgave her for. Ive not once brought them up in an argument, and since our separation, ive still not mentioned them. Im trying so hard to contact her and get a response but she ignores my attempts. I haven't tried to contact her now for 5 weeks and to be honest I am scared to incase she calls the police again. What more can I do. Although my messages to her were all nice and apologetic the police warned me that I will be charged next time I try and contact her. It seems that everyone is batting for her, and no one for me. I am being treated like some one that has beat the crap out of her. I know I am 49 and I sound like a whimp, but I cant help my feelings.
We don't always act rationally and trust is easy to lose and harder to get. My husband drank too much and ended up in bed with one of my friends. He has blamed me as I introduced them to each other. We are getting divorced but the hardest part is finding out that the person I thought was my rock is unreliable and willing to throw away 30 years for a bottle of wine. He doesn't want to come back to me but I want nothing to do with him as he is not the man I thought he was.
I need to move on.
Leave her alone until she is willing to talk to you but you make arrangements to see your children as they need you. Start with getting their trust.
Hi Lancaster,Im so sorry to hear you so desperate.I take a different view,we all make mistakes at sometime in our lives so stop giving yourself a hard time.Money isnt everything and you know you have done wrong but we all have to learn to forgive meaning your wife.Take care IM thinking about you
Thank you Bengal. If only it was that easy. I know money isn't everything, but my family are. I love them so much which is what is hurting me. The wife wont give me the time of day because I lied. The money has no meaning at all to her, its the lies. How can I ask for her forgiveness wen she wont even talk to me. Being homeless makes things worse, and xmas without my kids is going to be really hard for me. Im a 49 year old wreck and I really cannot take much more. xx
Being alone at Christmas is not the worst thing in the world, but sitting at home alone thinking of other people being happy is wallowing in self-pity. And what woman in her right mind would take back someone who caves in so easily. Why not go and volunteer at a homeless shelter, or invite a neighbour in. Drop presents off for the kids the day before, via a friend if you cannot take them yourself. Accept the situation you find yourself in as it was of your own making, and still strive to be the best person you can be.
I do have great sympathy for you Lancaster as you have paid a very heavy price for your lies. Don't forget though that it wasn't just your wife you lied to but your friends also by borrowing money off them. If I was your wife I would be furious that you had made me complicit in your lies as the money she was spending was 'dirty' money wasn't it?
As for spending the money did she spend it all on herself or the kids as well? And the house?
An example of this - a couple of years we found out one of our sisters had been stealing money from our mother. At this time her bf was in hospital and she asked me to do some cleaning for him before he came out. She said he had agreed to it all. I found out later that he knew nothing about it and she paid me with our mothers money. I felt awful and dirty and wanted to shove the money down her gob. I have never forgotten or forgiven her and never will. It made me feel like scum. Maybe your wife feels the same? x
hi Bengal, my wife is a very tough cookie. Her heart has been harden by an abusive husband before I met her. I havent had a chance to explain things to her myself as she wont speak to me. To be fair, I don't know if she wants a divorce or what she wants.
Hi Lancaster,I have just been thinking about your situation since my last post.I also have had an abusive relationship in the past and it does affect how you feel about relationships,Its only human nature that you wont put up with much after having a traumatic life.All the counselling in the world doesnt help either it justs makes you tougher and makes you less tolerant to other situations.I wouldnt put up with anything now,so I honestly dont know where you go from here.I would give her some space for a while til she calms down
You've been silly. You've let this imagination of yours grow and grow. You should have been straight, especially when it came to borrowing other people's money on the strength of the imagination. That said, what's done is done. It is only bloody money. Your wife should have your back, be your support. Yes shout at you call you all the names. But it's only money. Your love for one another should be the strength to see you through. Your family unity is the bedrock. Bugger everyone else and those so called friends. Your wife is your number one priority. Work things out - she's is your best friend, soul mate and one true love.
Hi tinyone, Silly is an understatement. Your right with letting my imagination run wild. I wanted to be straight from the beginning, but the borrowing got out of control and I was scared to say anything. My wife and the kids are my number one priority, but it seems that I am not theirs. I wish I could work things out, but how do you communicate with someone that doesn't want know?
Dont confuse depression, with being just upset because you messed up, my advice is go and beg their forgiveness. And in future be honest liars always get caught.
I totally agree with Blackdogkilla we all make mistakes. Ask for forgiveness and move on. I wish you well.
Thank you. I agree with you on politeness. I know sometimes people get themselves in situations caused by their own behaviour and only have themselves to blame but we all make mistakes and have to learn from them, which is what I hope they will do. X
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Thanks poppy. No one is perfect are they? I can be a bit too in your face sometimes I know that, and if the writer had come back and said it like you did I would have apologised and that would have been fine.
My only aim if I reply to someone is to try and help them. If I don't have anything to offer I keep out of it. I am a softie deep down I also have many male friends on here too..
Lancaster sorry to hijack your post like this. I apologise to you. xx
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Ah you're lovely. I'm certainly not perfect and I know you want to help - or why be on here? It would be great going shopping with you 'cos if I asked you 'does my bum look big in this' I know I'd get an honest answer!!!! X
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You sure would Poppy! Mind you I would only go shopping with you if you were overweight like me. But if I was in a mellow mood I would say 'Well the colour is nice' or 'It's different' ha ha.
Thanks for the compliment - I give it back with hugs xx
Funny really, I logged on because I needed a hand, not to hold one out to someone else, but that's how it goes. It strikes me that there are a lot of replies here with variations on the theme of 'Ah yes, you certainly messed up!'. Whatever mistakes have been made that's not the issue here, when you reach for support you know you've made mistakes and don't really need opinions on your past behaviour.
From what I've seen, you made a small mistake which got out of hand, as these things do sometimes. You've forgiven your wife twice for a far more serious offence (cheating is the ultimate lie and betrayal, to forgive once is hugely magnanimous, to forgive twice is astonishing).
I broke up with my partner in August. Christmas is a hard time, especially if it's your first on your own for 17 years, and you have children. Your wife may come round when she realises what she's lost and this may turn out to be just a blip in the scheme of things. If not, if she's been repeatedly unfaithful, will accept forgiveness but not return the favour, and won't even communicate to try and fix things, then it could well be that this is something which was meant to be, and it may seem dark now but one day you'll look back and think, 'how could I not have seen it at the time!?' Believe me, I speak from experience.
When the pain of a broken relationship is still new, it's all around and you can't see things which can be so clear to someone looking on from outside. You've clearly learned from what happened, you've grown as a person, and it could be that this is paving your way to something better, even if the path is still hidden. As for your children, you're a father and have rights to see them, however unreasonable your wife is being (and remember, communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship), that can be sorted out. I lost touch with my father for several years after my parents' 28 year marriage ended bitterly. We're now back in touch and as close as ever. Chin up, all things pass. (hug)
I have just read your reply again sarah, and the words are really strong and have struck a cord. I don't mean to make my wife sound bad, I love her to bits, really I do. Regardless of what she done, she is still my wife. Maybe I was the cause of her playing the field, I don't know!! Im struggling with why she is being so negative towards me. I know I lied to her and the family, but genuinely, I was more scared of telling the truth because I knew how she would react. To be honest, I was afraid of losing her and the kids (how ironic). I had to come clean in the end because it was making me ill. I have tried so hard to speak to her, but she just refuses to reply. She wont even answer my texts regarding the kids. Im stuck in this rut with only myself to blame, I know that, but I cant see the woods for trees. Im not expecting miracles, but she is seriously torturing me with this no contact crap. It scares me to think what she has told the kids.
You need to give her time. I'm going to be honest, you have destroyed any trust and if I was your wife, I would be absolutely furious. I'd feel a fool and stupid in front of family and friends . I think they would suspect that I must have known what was going on and I'm sure your children are very hurt.
So firstly time, and then you need a plan to pay everyone back. I genuinely feel that you need to take action to show how sorry you are. It isn't just about words. I'm sure it wasn't just you that spent the money but it will be up to you to take on the debts due to your lies. You need to make good to your friends and family who you owe money to and stick to it. They may be able to forgive you in time if you start to show you are paying the money back. Write them a letter explaining how everything spiralled out of control.
It may be that you need independent financial advice about the debts. I'm guessing the CAB could assist. I don't know how bad they are but you need to address them.
In terms of your wife, she may forgive you or perhaps she was looking for a way out. You mention that she had already had affairs. Were you worried about losing her is that why the lies got out of control? Did your wife want the money to spend and it kept her happy? Only you know the situation and motivations.
Whatever happens you need to stay in touch with your kids. Again give it time but send them a card/ gifts for Christmas if you are unable to see them. Just take it slowly and good luck
thank you sarah. I appreciate what you have said, but shouldn't the trust work from both sides. I forgave her for 2 affairs, why cant she forgive me for lying. I didn't lie with the intention of hurting anybody, the money wasn't for me, every penny was given to my wife by the people who lent it. I have written to everyone and apologised and have offered to pay it all back, but no one has replied to my letters. What more can i do?
It's good that you are taking practical steps to make amends and sort this out, I think that's the main thing to focus on here. The CAB is a good suggestion. It sounds like you're doing all the right things, it took courage to write to everyone, well done, a lot of people would have just hidden away. I'm surprised at your friends not replying either, that seems odd, I've lost money to importunate friends before, even had it stolen from me in one case, but not responding to an attempt at redemption seems very odd to me. Mind you, it was a year before that particular incident was forgiven!
As for your wife, yes, I'm sure her pride has been hurt and that would make her furious (although given the surrounding circumstances I'm afraid I personally can't bring myself to feel much sympathy for her). Sarah may have given a useful insight into what's going on in her head though.
Part of the problem is that adultery tends to be a private matter, other people don't see what's gone on, and these days it gets treated as if it's nothing, instead of the shattering betrayal which in fact it is. (What an age we live in, where people get worked up over money but just shrug over being unfaithful...)
Conversely, this money-related problem is very much out in the open, so unfortunately it looks as though you're getting the worst of public opinion, and one only has to look at any chat page or forum to see that people follow judgements like sheep, if someone says 'so-and-so is a bad person' then in no time at all, people who've never even met them will be swearing that they're definitely a wrong'un and they'd suspected it for years! I think that, maybe in a month or two when things cool off, you'll start finding out who your friends really are, because they'll start questioning the hype and want to hear your side of the story. Don't panic, these things do take time, and, for your part, it sounds like you're working hard to fix things. As you've said, there's little you can do that you aren't already doing, and that in itself should help to ease your mind.
Of course it is admirable to forgive her affairs and try and move on but I mentioned that there may be some underlying reason for your lies. Were they related to the affairs? Did you think you would lose her? Were there problems anyway in the relationship? Affairs happen for any number of reasons. As I said only you understand the situation and motivations. We can only offer suggestions. What Aleisis has said about public and private matters is very insightful.
You sound like you are taking the right steps and I congratulate you for that. It takes courage. Just give it time,
give it some time for the dust to settle and maybe write a letter to your wife explaining your situation and why you felt why you did it and what lessons you've learnt.
sometimes we have to be honest and open to ourselves about ourselves 1st before attempting to be honest to someone else. it teaches us about our weaknesses and self awareness.
try to avoid any confrontation. if you have borrowed from your friends then arrange a payment back to them on a monthly basis with the hope it might build your trust back. if it doesn't then you can rest assure you paid them your dues. if you not got the inheritance you thought you would then its best to forget about it and move on.
like some have said get some counselling, have a lesson learnt session and put some closure behind what has happened. We all can only hope that things will evetually patch up and you all will be ok.
Set out in your mind - you now need to make a fresh start. It's not going to be easy, you've existed for everyone but you. Now is the time for you.
Find a nice spot, and work hard making it nice. Like a bird building its nest. It'll take time, but you'll then have somewhere you can call home, a cosy place your kids will want to be, with there father.
Believe me, it could be much worse... god blast it could!
Thanks Tinyone. I cant begin to think of me as No1. My wife and kids have always been my No1. As for finding a nice spot, that is a long way of at the moment. I cant even think straight. Its hard trying to sort myself out whilst I am homeless. I know I need to man up and get on with it, but its hard. My head is in a tiswas at the moment. Its hard trying to make sense of the whole situation. I know full well, and I take full responsibility for my actions, but it wasn't done to hurt anybody. Me and the wife are supposed to be a unit, that is why I forgave her for the affairs. I was there for her because it took a lot of guts for her to admit what she had done. But where is she now I need her. She hasn't even told me where I stand, are we finished, does she want a divorce? I sent her a lovely letter a few weeks ago and apparently she chucked it straight in the bin with out reading it. I am not afraid to say it, but I am a very sensitive bloke, (call me a wimp if you want). I cant help the way I am. And if the truth be known, I cant imagine life without her. She and the kids are my world. Being of Irish decent and catholic, marriage is for life. You fight for what you know and love. I'm not able to fight for what I love because she refuses to talk. What's even worse, she's knows I am homeless and she doesn't give a crap, but still I cant give up on her because I know I have hurt her. She is punishing me for providing for my family. Sorry for dribbling on, but this forum is my only port of contact with real people, people who understand. Not a bunch of divvy professionals who offer advice for a fee.
Dave, I'm not Catholic, but I was born in Ireland... my mother and father eloped, left their families (their kids too) and ran away together to Dublin. I was born in Ballymun, Sillogue Road, in the late 1960's. However when my father died we were uprooted and planted firmly in England where I became... the Irish bastard. But that's another story too!
Not so lo g ago... I was married too, my wife, the so called love of my life, my soul mate and one true friend... well she had an affair with a pal from her works. Moved out too - to set up home. Left me with the three kids no less. Only her pal had got his partner pregnant and chose the pregnant one... Yes I took her back, yes I whisked her off on holiday to Mexico no less... but it didn't work, my life spiralled out of control. I drank I made the biggest mistake of my life. I visited prison for a short holiday.
But I've come through. I've my own spot. My nest. A new life. It's not easy, no it sure ain't.
I left her, I signed over every penny, not for her, for the kids. Gave her both cars. Lost my job even. But now it's all new. And you can do the same!
Yes you can! And your kids will always love you... you, their dad.
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