Sigh

I feel terrible. So empty inside and I'm fighting with myself. It's been 5 months since we called it quits and yet still I feel depressed and heartbroken about it. I wish I could not feel this way, but it's so difficult to carry on day to day. So much is on my plate and I feel so lost. I don't know what to do and I feel just not good enough for anything or anybody. I want to change so badly, all of the negative thoughts, paranoia, anger, grief, bitterness and distrust. When I feel that I've overcome, this sadness just hits me like bricks. When will the tears end? When will I finally be able to stand up for myself? I am not happy, just going through the motions. I have no self control or discipline. Feeling so left out of this world, broken and abused. Loneliness is killing me slowly as I try to discourage despair. I'm a young woman who is confused on life. My heart is shattered into pieces , while I struggle with no job, my health is on the line, all I can do is sob. Finding it so tedious being anxious 24/7 can my mind just stop for a second? It's draining holding on to a dreadful past how do I let it go for peace at last? Can I be fixed? All I know is pain and I've gotten so used to the hurt. I cannot remember the last time I was genuinely happy.