Is Depression Sudden or Gradual?

[catmother]

The last few days I have been doing a lot of reflecting on the last few years. I've mentioned before that I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember, but the last few years have been exceptionally difficult. However, around 4 or 5 years ago I did have a period of about a year or so where everything was going right. I still had some depressive symptoms, but I had a lot of energy and could get everything done. And then all of a sudden it stopped. I just couldn't get out of the bed and I had no motivation to do anything. I can't think of any one thing that happened that could have set it off. I struggled with the depression for about a year and engaged in some risky behavior (mostly impulsively spending money) and then it got really bad. I was completely overwhelmed and suicidal. Things have gotten better since I've been on medication, but I'm still not 100%.

Now I work full time, but I'm constantly running late in the mornings and I don't sleep well at night. I'm trying my best, but I just feel like I'm lazy or something. I just can't understand what's wrong with me. I don't know if it's just depression or something else. I feel absolutely trapped because I know I have to work. My boyfriend is currently unemployed, so I have no choice if the bills are going to get paid. But all I want to do is stay in bed and sleep. I have no energy and I don't understand how it happened all at once. Everything was fine, and then suddenly it wasn't. I'm just lost.

I'm sorry for rambling. I just really need some support.

[Goldfish_]

Keep on keeping on. It would be good if your bf also got a job. Exercise good diet, avoiding rumination , live in the moment mindfulness .

[Anna2008]

Depression is insidious. It creeps up on you so gradually that you don't notice it, but then it hits you full force like a truck, knocks you off your feet and wipes you out...

[Anna2008 in reply to Anna2008]

Do things you enjoy..make sure you have things to look forward to, like a massage, a facial, a manicure or pedicure. Pamper yourself, take care of yourself, make sure you get enough rest and relaxation. And like Goldfish advises, good diet and exercise to get those endorphins flooding your system...

[Hidden]

Hi was your diagnosis depression? I ask coz impulsive behaviour could be somathing else. I am no expert but it's maybe worth mentioning to your doctor or counsellor. x

[catmother in reply to Hidden]

I'm sorry it has taken me so long to respond. My diagnosis is depression and anxiety. Although I have been told that I have symptoms of bipolar and schizophrenia, I haven't officially been diagnosed with either.