Feelings and anxiety killing me

[Siva_1972]

Passing the days with deep pain and anxiety, loosing a good job and put the family in distress is highly pathetic. Everyday, guilty feeling and anxiety are killing me. It is almost going to be one year since that bad incident happened, but everyday feelings are blasting me like, that happened only previous day . I'm not OK !

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Siva_1972

Thank you for your message. This is a really difficult time for you.

Have you seen your doctor? It sounds as if you need more support. Are you able to talk with anyone about this situation?

You may want to consider writing things down. This can help.

Our members are very supportive so may have experiences they can share with you. Can you tell us a little more about your day to day situation?

The topics and pinned posts can be helpful. So take a look.

The MIND charity at mind.org.uk could be helpful they are based in the UK so hopefully you can access them.

Do keep us updated about how you get on.

Best wishes

[stellarosecarlotta]

I have been there. I do not know what the bad incident was but I have had several that has given me a certain kind of PTSD. I was violently assaulted a few times, in different ways, witnessed some bad stuff, watched loved ones go through extreme suffering. It can come at you in waves.

But please don't feel guilt. Whatever you are going through, it is not you fault or a weakness. I realized for myself, though, it is my responsibility to help myself. It is not a moral thing, just noted that I cannot be saved without at least asking for the help I need.

I found exercise, music, art, helping others, meditation, yoga all helped. Having and having to care for a pet also motivated me to get out of bed--when my crippling depression really jumped out.

Doing volunteer work specifically helped me get out of my self and putting my own problems into perspective. There is a buddhist saying "turning poison into medicine." Someday, what you are going through can be the thing that helps you grow...in wisdom, compassion, understanding...so many things. It will empower you to help others who struggle in a similar way.

And finally, I had not great reactions to most antidepressants but eventually found one that helps a lot. I also got some cognitive therapy that has helped me to control/change my negative thinking patterns.

Good luck...take care of yourself as if you were the most loved person/being in the world...because you are.

[Siva_1972 in reply to stellarosecarlotta]

Thanks for your encouraging and caring reply , The Bad incident was , i was asked to resign from the job which i was in for 23 years in same private company , which is my first employment, i had grown from trainee to higher leadership Job position in my carrier. Well , in the year 2017 , i had committed so many mistakes , mostly due to my habits , like frequent drinking of alcohol after working hours / some times taking off in afternoons of some week days , my in /out was noticed by my unknown rivals , they sent anonymous mail to MD of the company added with i was doing many unethical activities , he without even enquiring / asking my side explanation , he told me to resign, through my immediate boss to submit papers and i need not to come from next day itself ( though i was there for 23 years , i spent my 30% life time in that organisation with sincerity & loyalty ) , i have lot of commitments , bank loans , daughters education , having good reputation in working atmosphere , every thing vanished from that day and i'm broken from that day.I could understand i'm not alone who suffered like this , but including me no one ever expected this thing to happen to me. Such a Shock ! wherever i go for a new job , they refer previous employment history and back ground , due to my senior level position , verification results were affected by previous employment feed back on my exit, No where to go except to go with known sources, now in small concern with 50% of salary just to run the family, having two daughters , aged 20 and 13, My Entire family is suffering now , i'm passing the days with broken heart and with lot of stress and guilty .I'm almost every day passing through deep pain , guilt and grief. I don't know how I'm going to save my family.

[stellarosecarlotta in reply to Siva_1972]

You know what? You made some mistakes. We all have regrets. If you feed on the guilt though-- not good..."don't let yesterday ruin too much of today." guilt is a useless emotion. Maybe you should seek out an employment lawyer, make sure you were let go for good cause; they can also negotiate terms like getting a decent recommendation.

Having 23 years solid employment is proof you have reliability---even if you screwed up some. You held a job and excelled--that is nothing to sneeze at. Maybe take this time to reflect the direction you want to head in. Was this work you loved? Maybe look into school or training for another field. Crisis means opportunity in Japanese...it is the same word.

But if you are depressed and self medicating with alcohol...do you need to get into rehab? Therapy? Even short term or AA meetings can offer support when you're going through it.

I don't want to minimize your situation, but try to view the good things with gratitude; you have health, 2 children who need you--and love you--and are learning how to go through life. Guilt is toxic-quit torturing yourself!!

Please take care of yourself and live from this moment on...that's all we got. Keep me posted.

[Siva_1972 in reply to stellarosecarlotta]

Thank you , I realize that alcohol will give adverse effects to me when i'm in deep sorrow, i will consume excessively and behave stupidly , also it will increase anger and worsen the situation , so i had completely stopped it consciously once i was out of the job, Thing here is continuous worries & feelings are inevitable because i loved that job , i was involved too much , my contributions were huge and for past 15 years i was rated as either outstanding or exceeding expectations only..! Only mistake i had done was, i went out of control for certain period of time say 6 months due to family situations and unmanageable pressures due that. Going legally against employer won't help as i was advised by lawyers since i was forced to submit resignation letter , employer can easily manage that my case was normal exit. My Depression is due to mixture of guilty , my loss of credibility , my reputation and financial ability. Of course i'm trying hard to come out of this situation because of my loved ones and my commitments , Still i'm 30% only successful in ignoring negative pattern of thoughts , that's why i had posted my situation with tears , Thanks for your valuable time and suggestions.