Fraud

[theoldme]

I've had symptoms of depression ever since I left school, there were significant triggers- a death in the family, relationship break down etc. I was very angry, lost interest in everything that made me happy and ruined friendships because of my disinterest. Both my parents have a history of depression, and every online depression site I've gone on too has told me that I have more than a few symptoms of depression. I know I'm not supposed to trust webmd and online diagnosis quizzes, but I'm too afraid to see my GP about it, because I might have to go on medication, and I know how much my mum hated her medication. I already don't feel like myself, I don't want to get even further away by taking medication. I'm also afraid of worrying my Mum, she has more than enough to deal with- she certainly doesn't need her daughter to be diagnosed with depression. I thought about seeing my GP so I could get a referral to a psychiatrist and just not telling my Mum, but we share everything and I find it impossible to lie to her. I feel like I'm stuck on this round about of worry and I have no idea how to get back to where I'm supposed to be. I feel insensitive even suggesting that I might have depression, as I know that so many people on this forum have been clinically diagnosed and struggle with multiple mental health disorders daily. I feel like a fraud, crying wolf for not feeling happy all the time. I just want to be like what I was when I was a teenager, before everything changed.

[Hidden]

Welcome to our site oldme

You need to put your life into some kind of perspective, I would suggest that you discuss your problems initially with your GP. I gather you are at least twenty when you say you are out of your teens.

You need to understand there is no slur being depressed, your GP may listen to your worries and suggest some coping skills, initially I would imagine He may not give you medications or talking sessions with a CPN. The chances of a full blast from the Mental Health staff will not happen, even if you are seen by a CPN they will help you come to terms with your loses of Death and failed Relationships.

You say that you feel unable to talk to your Parents, if they suffer from stress and depression they will most probably be open minded to your condition although if you feel strange talking to your Parents with regards a failed relationship your GP is the nearest thing to give help.

With regards a death in the family, it is not unusual to feel sad at a loss it is very normal and under those circumstances your Parents should be able to help, especially if the loss is one of their relatives, they will be feeling possibly at a loss due to the loosing of someone they cared for.

All I will suggest with regards death it can take an extended period of about two year to get over that loss so you need to be kind to yourself and feel free to talk to man and dad about your concerns and fears. They. even though they are depressed will most probably be glad to talk the problem out. That is part of living.

Relationships throughout the early years will fail, that is part of looking for a partner to spend your life with, their are many of the opposite sex looking for someone like you to spend their lives with, we all use failed relationships to educate ourselves of our needs and identify the sort of person we want to spend our lives with. This is so normal.

Failed relationships can be nasty to get over, it never gets any easier no matter how old we are. Generally it can take time to prepare yourself before you wish to enter the hunt once more.

When I was seventeen I became engaged and we were together for over three years.

Eventually just before twenty one the relationship failed, I did not date again for at least three years. I am not telling you to wait that long, just to say we always fin someone to spend our lives with. I have been married now for over thirty years and I am now retired.

People looking for someone like you must be extensive, live your life we all go through these two sadnesses

If you need to chat we are generally around

BOB

[theoldme in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your advice Bob,

Planning on making an appointment with my GP tomorrow, feeling very hesitant about it but I think it's for the best. I plan on seeing what she has to say and then speaking to my mum about everything- don't want to worry her over nothing. Thanks again.

[Findingme]

Hi,

I can relate to the problem that you do not want to add to your mother's burden by sharing your fears about depression, but she may already be aware of a problem and not know how to talk to you about it. Why not go to your GP and find out if there is a real problem, and if the answer is yes, ask the doctor about how best to break the news. It may be there is a better treatment option for you that does not require drugs, or better drugs. You can also refuse drugs if you do not want them, and the doctor will not try to make you agree to have them. Also, what happened to your mum with the side effects is not necessarily what will happen to you.

One other thing. Remember that we are always changing, and we cannot go through difficult times and come out the other side the same person we were before. We need to process the situation, and assimilate the lessons, and hopefully be a better person than we were before. Sometimes we get stuck in a loop and cannot do this without help.

[theoldme in reply to Findingme]

Thanks for your advice Findingme,

I've had a long think about it over the weekend and I've decided to make an appointment with my GP tomorrow. I've got a lot of Uni assessment this week so I may not be able to make an appointment this week, but I'll hopefully see her soon. I think I'd like to speak to my GP before talking to my Mum about anything, I don't want to worry her over nothing. I haven't really spoken to anyone else about how I'm feeling, I always feel like a burden and I don't like to speak to others about my feelings. I'm really glad I've found this forum, sometimes it's much easier to speak to welcoming strangers than people you see everyday.

[Pettle1]

Hi 'the old me'. What you are describing is really familiar. I bottled up my depression for years feeling that I would let my family down by admitting that I couldn't cope, I felt ashamed of myself. Once I did see my GP about it and opened up to my mom, both were so understanding and concerned that I had not opened up to them sooner. I too feared going on medication, but that has moved on so much - you don't change when you are on medication - 'you' are still there, just a you that can cope, laugh and not feel so down. As I have said on this site before, depression is an illness. If you had an infection you would go to your GP and willingly take whatever treatment was prescribed to make you well again. Depression is no different at all, it is a chemical imbalance in your brain that appears to be triggered by things that happen to us (but doesn't always need a trigger). To me it makes sense to view depression in the same way as an illness and see your GP - accept the treatment she offers. Medication can make you feel worse for the first few weeks, but stick with it and you will start to feel like your old self. I expect your mom would want you to open up to her, you say you share everything, I imagine she would be wanting you to share this too. As she suffers with depression too she will more than understand what you need. The worst thing you can do with depression is suffer alone, if you don't do anything else please see your GP.

Take care

x

[theoldme]

Thankyou for your advice Pettle1,

Everyone I've spoken to on this forum have been so kind and understanding, it's so lovely that you are all taking time out of your day to respond to a stranger's worries. I have made an appointment with my GP for next Wednesday, I'm quite nervous for it, but I know that I need to make a change. I'm not really sure how to bring up the subject with my GP though- do I just ask for an assessment? Or just tell her my symptoms? The other thing I'm wondering about is that, whilst I acknowledge that I do have more than a few symptoms of depression, I don't think I would classify these feelings as ones that occur constantly? I often find that these feelings only come about when I'm not busy. Eg, I was off uni sick for a couple of days last week and was feeling very off. I often wake up with these sorts of thoughts, but find if I move quickly to another task to distract me I can fend them off. So if my symptoms are not constant, surely I can't have depression? I'm sorry if this all sound very naive and stupid, I'm just trying to understand what's going on inside my head right now.

Thankyou again for your advice, it's so lovely to have your support.

[Pettle1]

Hi, I am so pleased you have made an appointment to see your GP. When you go into your GP just tell her how you are feeling, tell her everything that you have opened up about here from your first post onwards. If you find that difficult, print out what you have written here for her to read through, she'll then guide you through the best steps to take next. I found it difficult to tell my GP how I was feeling, I could barely get my words out through the sobs, but she listened to me, and has been supportive and non-judgemental for about 10 years so far. Remember when you go to your appointment on Wednesday that you certainly won't be the first person that your GP has seen that week suffering from depression and in all likelihood won't be the only one she sees that day either.

When you describe you symptoms as on/off, that is exactly my experience too. I am OK for the 8 hours I'm at work, I'm busy enough to push how I feel to the back of my mind. As soon I get home and have time to myself my depression can really hit me. I can assure you that you don't sound 'naive and stupid', and don't apologise for feel how you do either. Depression is a horrible illness. You are making a fantastic first step in acknowledging your are ill and a really positive step in going to your GP. Have you spoken to your Mom about how you are feeling yet? If I was your Mom I'd want to know how my little girl felt, however old you are your Mom will think of you as her little girl, especially as you say you are so close. You can see from this group that sufferers of depression can help you and your Mom even more so.

Let us know how you get on with your GP and take care x