Some months ago, I thought I may be suffering a form of depression (anxiety, low mood, dissociated, contemplating self harm etc), so I joined this community - which is great! After chatting to a few people, the advice I heard most was get down to my GP, which I did. She did all I could expect of her, offered me medication if I felt I needed it ( which I declined because that seemed a big step to take, I suppose also an admission of something too) and put me in contact with a counselling service. As so often happens, just talking to someone felt like a load had been lifted, and I decided (maybe foolishly) that actually I was ok for now, that I could handle this thing on my own.
Last Christmas I volunteered to go to Sierra Leone to help fight Ebola. My GP had to confirm that she thought I was mentally ok to do this, and I persuaded her that A- I was feeling better, and B- maybe something like this would be good for me for various reasons. So I went, and it was a brilliant experience, I would go again without any qualms. However, since returning, some of the things that fed my negative moods before have become magnified. As an example, I witnessed over in SL many people in serious poverty striving to do something with their lives and fighting against the odds to get educated. I can honestly say that I had better conversations over there about the stuff of life that really matters than I ever seem to have here.
Anyway, my depression - if that is what it is - has returned, and the question I want to ask the members of this community is this......
Most of the stuff you read on depression talks about the individual feeling their life is without point or value, and while I do feel that, what goes on in my mind in a never ending discourse with myself is not self analysis or about me at all, it's about everyone else. Why do we live in a society that values the superficial over everything else? Why are we allowing the world to be destroyed? Why does our media tell us only what they want us to hear, and why do we put up with that? We are a country that supposedly loves animals, and yet future generations will look back on us and ask how did we allow the mass destruction of species to happen. I hate that we are sleepwalking through this.
I know many people think these things, but for me they are taking over my brain. I am constantly angry. I feel like stopping people in the street and haranguing them for their blatant consumerism. Sometimes, when I'm watching apocalyptic type films where society collapses, a part of me thinks it would be a really good thing. It's not that I'm a bit peed off, this is every minute of every waking hour thinking everyone around me is a waste of space. Don't get me wrong, I'm nothing special myself, but I don't go around exuding self importance. Does anyone else get what I'm saying? Is it like an inversion of depression? Am I just talking crap. Anyone still reading? Xx
Written by
sandrew255
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Hi I do understand what you are saying and how you feel. Honestly I do. When I was at University I did a Social Science degree and I couldn't believe the things I learned about this society and I would feel very angry too. The structures of Society, the infrastructures etc. I hate injustice and inequality too with a passion.
I have always believed very strongly in women's rights - the right to equal pay, the right to live our own lives how we want, the abortion issue etc. but I found it didn't get me anywhere; it only got me a label 'Feminist' spoken in a derogatory way and/or I got called a 'Lesbian' again in derogatory manner. So I stopped talking about it except to female friends. I realised that people didn't want to think about these issues and were quite happy in their ignorance and prejudices. Now I confine myself to the odd short remark if I hear something sexist, racist, or homophobic etc. I have found this has far more effect than any rant. I tone down my reactions a lot but will point out the obvious in the hope that the person will think about it.
At the end of the day we have to live in and abide by the rules of the society we are in don't we? Why don't you volunteer again? Or join an organisation which fights injustice.
The difference between the 3rd world and us is that we have our basic needs satisfied ie food, shelter, warmth etc. whereas they don't and have to work much harder to survive. They are so busy trying to survive that there isn't much space in their lives to consider the higher considerations of life. Their lives are much more real than ours as we are cossetted from the harsher aspects of life.
You are certainly not depressed. maybe even a little hypomanic. You are also probably right to some extent in that most people with the power to do something are a waste of space.
I constantly marvel that todays young people who put up with rubbish TV, expensive University education, a deteriorating health service with very,very poor and underfunded mental health facilities, great inequalities of wealth (and increasing), poor welfare provision (and deteriorating ), lack of social housing , unaffordable private housing etc etc are not protesting more. Compared with my youth in the 50s and 60s young people today have it unbelievably tough. A few things have improved but I sometimes wonder that no one seems to talk of revolution.
BUT you don't have to feel responsibility for all of it and unless you channel your justifiable anger into a practical way of fighting back you will only continue to upset yourself. A controlled anger at what is going on is OK but you must not let it take over your life. The great political leaders who caused change controlled their anger and channelled it usefully except for dear Adolf and you don't want to end up like him.
Sad to say I understand the feelings you are suffering from. the main problem is that life is not fair and their is little we can do to affect a change. Yu actually sound young and at the age of teens to about thirty we can feel strongly about things are not fair or we could do more to help.
All I can suggest you do is that you work in the countries that you feel that society has let to fall through the net.
Although first I would look at the situation in your own country and realize that injustice is a large problem here as well. This situation here is just as real as any countries in the third world and that soup ktchens and broken marriages will wreck will wreck a families future, or sometimes people do not have a good place to live etc.
We all go through the same feelings when young and we always feel the world needs changing.
All I can really say with respect is what do you want to do about this situation. To worry about this problem is not really depression it is concern. So I understand your feelings, although since the twenties and before life has been so very hard for that substrater of British Society, it will never change because society will nearly always push down the poor and lacking
I feel exactly the same as you about the state of the world and the role we are playing in slowly destroying it. I also frequently feel very overwhelmed by it, and how powerless I seem to be to do anything about it - it can feed my depression and anxiety.
It is however right to be appalled at all that is happening - most of our lives in the west are totally unsustainable, and many in poorer countries aspire to copy our destructive and shallow lifestyles.
I have found that I deal with it by educating myself on as many aspects as I can, including how I can contribute in any small way to making changes, whether it is by how I live, rejecting consumerism, reducing what I use, recycling, choosing ethical businesses and products, supporting charities, online petitions and (gently) persuading others to do those things as well. I keep my garden as a wildlife garden, don't use pesticides, leave wild areas, feed birds.
It isn't much, but if we all did the same we would make a lot of progress.
Channel your strong feelings into making a difference in as many ways as you can - positive action will help reduce your anger and frustration. Your volunteering experience sounds like it really suited you - perhaps you could do it again - or start working in a similar field?
I am reading and I am hearing you! You have an a strong moral compass and are more tuned into the world than most. You are not able to block out the things that most of us are 'sleepwalking' through, as you say. I can understand why this makes you feel depressed. It can feel very lonely. Society is indeed a bit confused at the moment so we need more people like you to spread the seeds of change. Keep spreading your gospel and speaking up for what you believe it - this is the only way to fight back at how you are feeling. Love to you xxx
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Who am I...Lost and alone
I'm feeling so confused. I don't believe that I am depresses and I am not suicidal. But i do feel that the only way to be free is death.
I can't do this 
am I depressed? Help
