Does anyone else suffer paranoia and mood swings with depression and anxiety/ panic/ stress attacks?

I feel like mine are getting worse not better. I don't think people realise how much of a day and mind can be taken up by what ifs and worrying and fighting negative thoughts.

I have had better days and worse but as time passes I don't feel like I'm improving. I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of a breakdown but I can't afford to be.

I find it hard to watch TV or listen to music as firstly I lode whole pieces of movie/ program disappearing inside my own thoughts...makes things hard to follow. Secondly my mood can drop in seconds and I have to leave the room.

Recently it was a film with a blonde lass... I was fine and enjoying it for once until the thought popped in my head how nice her hair looked and I would have loved for mine to get done like that.

My mood dropped so i went into the other room to feed the baby.

Well there isn't enough text space to write where those thoughts snowballed to.

It starts with I doesn't my hair look awful and spirals down to everyone would be better off if I wasn't around.

So much now affects me like that and it's random constant and tiring.


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13 Replies

  • Dear Brs, I usually read all of a person's posts before replying and I would say you've had a rough deal but it will get better. Life can be pretty bloody and there's no rules but things do tend to even out a bit in the long run. Dream a bit about how good you'll feel when you've raised three kids ,through a lot of troubles, and hopefully soon with a decent man who loves you. That's not that impossible . There are many decent men around who would feel admiration and maybe something deeper for what you've achieved so far.

    All I can say is that the bravery you've shown over the years deserves more than a medal . You obviously are a very strong and brave person. You may not feel it at the moment but anyone reading your experiences would not doubt it. Life is very unfair (there's no referee) but things do even out a bit, so better times are certain to come along .

    You've coped with very difficult circumstances that I admit would have flattened me and I'm sure,tiring as it is ,you'll find the extra reserves to do so again. You should feel proud of yourself , whether depressed or not.

    I 'm only offering words but I do think you need to make an additional appt. with your doctor , write down your problems so you make sure you cover everything with him/her. You certainly deserve some additional practical help.

    Also I would also try and speak to a friend or family member, by phone even, if they are not close. Women are often stronger and better at giving support , and I'm sure there is someone ,maybe your mother ,who might even agree to visit you again for a few days and help out.

    Best wishes and admiration Olderal

  • I'd like to think I've found my 'one' I just hope I'm his

  • Hi do you think this could be post natal depression? I agree that you need to see the doctor and get some help. x

  • I've had this for years on a new med since birth in April and two different ones before that.

  • I do hope so much you've found your one. Fingers crossed. You are so brave.

  • Hello

    I have been reading your scrips from when you first came on site, then you had three children and you were feeling so low regarding your past lives with men who have not been very kind with you.

    Reading above I am not certain if you are with another partner and if you have had another child. Have you also moved again ??.

    One thing I would always advise here is that you see your GP and try and arrange some talking therapy, also it may be possible to meet up with a Pyscologist

    The most important thing I can see now is that you let go of your past and all its negativity. Personally whether you are a man or a woman We all need to let go of all the negativity that has built up over that period, with all its hurt.

    If you fail to do that your past will burn you up and that will affect not only you, also your children and any partner you may get in the future.

    My Father was like that, from my age of eighteen to when He died, What happened was he had been hurt by His wife and the only way that could be get out those negative feeling was to discuss all with me. It became not only his problem but mine as well. Two lives destroyed by something that was basically out of my control.

    Eventually my mother became hostile to me and then I had both of then bending my ear until his death and my departure from a Mother who really hated me. Not only had this affected his relationship, the problem affected my relationships it also affected my future life, even affecting our decision to have any children. That whole problem became a self fulfilling problem that has seen me to my retirement.

    All I can really say do not allow all this negativity feed down to your children. See the GP and ask for help. Allow yourself a chance to a more positive life and that hopefully will extend to any partner you have in the future. There is no bigger turn off than conversations about a life that is better forgotten about.

    Be positive in your life try living it with a smile not a cry or weep. Sorry if I have upset you, please just move on

    See your GP and begin to live a new life


  • Bob, a really thoughtful response. Your empathy shines out in sharing your insight and experiences.

    I'm so pleased you have Hazel and Pax.


  • Hi There,

    firstly, never compare yourself to how others are, especially in movies, as 99% are superficial drama's based on fictional characters. practice avoiding this and you will remove some of your disappointments you have. other aspect of why disappointments arise is expectations. live by practising to live as each day comes, never expect this or that. when the time comes everything will fall into place.

    secondly, there is a universal concept of balance where there's one force, with an opposite reaction. similarly, thoughts can be seen as the same, as good and bad, happy and sad or smile and angry, etc. here you are saying your hair is bad, so opposite is lets make them look good so action would be to treat yourself at the salon. I know it sounds easy, as we have all been there but it is something to practice regularly.

    if you are taking medication for depression then please understand that the medication is a temporary fix while you get yourself back onto your feet. what you need to do is understand the issues that are causing you to feel stressed out and address them. talking about them to a counsellor helps or a close friend. if you have someone to look after your baby like a friend or parent then give yourself time to some TLC and go for a jog, exercise to burn off the stress. high stress levels are one of major contributors to depression, the ways to ease the levels are exercise and to occupy your mind on other things like hobbies or interests and use them to practice seeing them through to the end result. you will feel like you want to quit but practice by keeping at it and fight against that urge or mental barrier to quit. the more you do this the more your mind will become open and these mental barriers will cease to exist. after this you can ease off the medication with help from your GP.

    You have a baby so try to coach your baby into a routine, when to sleep, feed and change. in the times your baby is asleep use that to dedicate the moment to yourself. if your baby is not in a routine then random cries and feeds can contribute to you feeling stressed.

    Just remember that to come out of depression you need to realize you are the enabler that can enable this depression to go away, we can only advise you and should you need to talk further or ask for more advice then you know we are all here for you.

  • I'm lucky that at nearly 5 months he's quite good bit sadly I have no friends or family to help. From 5 am my day is baby, laundry, kitchen tidy up and some errands like shopping etc plus school run. At about ten I have time for a quick shower when all the kids are asleep before back to baby. He goes down quickly after that and pretty much sleeps through and then it all starts again. My partner had a tbi and I worry for him. His mood can change so quickly and I feel helpless. Even if I had the time or money I'd feel guilty about leaving him to go anywhere. Even when shopping I hurry.

  • The best thing to do is see Citizen Advice Bureau. They will assess your situation and advise you accordingly on what support you are entitled to whether it's financial or child care support and what aspect they can help you with. It's a very helpful charity.

  • I'm sorry things are getting worse, when the intrusive thoughts take over and rule my mood I know I am at my worst.

    Ive just, , , touchwood, , , got through a bad month, self inflicted tbo as I had had a go at using less meds. , , , and the experience scared me a lot,

    I had to go back to the basics of proper sleep and food habits... I think I'm now level, and am playing catch up with self-help reading... I do have really positive and overly happy times, whilst they feel good, and all the stuff about how to cope with life and how to handle negative thoughts seems obvious while I'm that way I don't use the time to my best advantage. I dont use the time in a way that could help me when i am struggling.,.Sorry I am waffling on because in a way I am telling myself off as I write this.

    It can seem like a waiting game to get back to times of level mood, I've just relaernt that these times are the most productive, my plan for these days are going to include making up cuecards for myself, to include affirmations, self-help essentials, a selection of things to do that will be uplifting or practically useful,

    I wrote in a post from last year that you take a med, I'm not sure if a med review is due, but if things really are going swiftly downhill for you I'd be tempted to revisit the g.p. if It is a case of "drowning rather than waving"

  • Thanks everyone for your responses xx

  • I've had my meds doubled since that post but won't really feel the effects straight away. I'm limited with baby feeding etc. can't say I feel fantastic but until this evening I at least felt okay... Then suddenly down again. Feel like I'm stuck like this.