High Self-Esteem, Give Me A Break

[StressBuster]

Signs of a high self-esteem:

• Blissful

• Energetic

• Increased initiative

• Confident

• Willing to act on their beliefs

• Stands up for what they believe in

• Approaches others with assertiveness

• Risks stupid or destructive undertakings

• Ignores advice against them

• Ignores sensible advice

• Wastes time and money on hopeless projects

• Self-important

• Domineering

• Condescending

• Does not express genuine feelings (i.e. fake)

• Snooty

• Brutish

• Grandiose

• Self-centered

• Shallow

• Unrealistic

• Proud of creating below-average and mediocre products and services

• Not exhibiting, requiring or capable of serious thought

• Denies seriousness of facts

• Rejects facts (especially unpleasant ones)

• Denies responsibility

• Blames other people

• Avoids potential harm or pain by shifting attention away from themselves

• Avoids feeling a sense of guilt

• Does not change hurtful behaviors

• Denies denial (denial of denial)

"Denial of denial" involves thoughts, actions and behaviors which BOLSTER CONFIDENCE that NOTHING needs to be changed in one's personal behavior. It's a form of SELF-DELUSION.

[Findingme]

Hi,

I am not sure this is a description of high self esteem, rather one of narcissism and low self esteem. A person with high self esteem does not normally feel the need to self promote, or deny their mistakes, as they see themselves as whole people, separate from their actions. They are in touch with their feelings and have no reason to try to hide them as they feel accepted no matter what. A person with low self esteem will deny any mistake they make, or attempt to shift the blame because at their core they feel worthless and try to build a protective shield of a perfect image. They feel threatened by others, hence the need to be snooty, critical or domineering, in order to keep other people down and less of a threat.

[Photogeek in reply to Findingme]

Hi Finding me I totally agree with you, and I don't understand Stress Busters

Post. Self esteem would never be domineering or condescending .

How are things with you? I hope your doing ok.

Hannah

[StressBuster in reply to Findingme]

Findingme, good points. However, I disagree with you. "Denial" is a powerful mechanism for maintaining a high self esteem and confidence. It's a failure to acknowledge an unacceptable truth or emotion or to admit it into consciousness, used as a defense mechanism.

[Findingme in reply to StressBuster]

Its my understanding that self esteem has nothing really to do with ability or looks though. Self esteem is built through being validated by those who love you and who you love and respect. A mother that gives her child unconditional love will give it high self esteem, whereas one that gives love dependent on school results or medals won on the track will produce a child who feels the need to constantly prove him / herself. A child that is loved and is used to people being nice to them, even if they make mistakes, will be happy, and exude confidence. This happy outlook will make them pleasant to be around and people will reward them even when their performance is not as good as less confident people. It is a self perpetuating circle. This does not mean that high self esteem is always a good thing. Some mothers love their kids even when they are psychotic or immoral, producing confident criminals. Some mothers encourage their children to follow paths which they are not suited for, such as acting and singing. However the outside world usually sorts this out sooner or later.

However all of this does not help you with your boss. In fact it can be so downright annoying that you might be jealous, and it can impair your performance at work.

All I can suggest is that you try not to allow yourself to react badly to this type of person, but focus on doing your best. Trying to undermine her will fail, and may rebound on you. Just wait it out, and let nature take it's course.

[Hidden]

No SB, you have got a bit confused. These are typical signs of LOW self esteem not high. I can't put it any better than FM who has summed it up in a nutshell. Great reply FM.

You keep posting stuff like this which I find very confusing and irrelevant. Can you tell us how you are feeling at the moment and is there anything we can help you with? Are you ok? What is happening in your life and do you want to share it with us? x

[StressBuster in reply to Hidden]

Coughalot, a lot of people with high self esteem have unmerited confidence. It's not unusual. Confidence, can be a self-fulfilling prophecy as those without it may fail or not try because they lack it and those with it may succeed because they have it—rather than because of an innate ability. I'm doing alright, thanks for asking. Got in a fight with my roommate last night. He's got OCD. Needs to have the house like a spotless museum every single day. He's extremely demanding. And the new dryer has been giving us problems, the BBQ in the patio is on the fritz... It's been a tad stressful lately. I try to keep the house immaculate but it's hard for me.... It's funny, I high have expectations, but in certain things.

[Hidden]

I guess your describing someone you know ?

[StressBuster in reply to Hidden]

Yes. Ex-bosses.

[Hidden in reply to StressBuster]

Who you obviously did not like by the look of that list but there is not a lot to like on it to like

[StressBuster in reply to Hidden]

I agree. One of my two bosses, let's call her Janette Stevens (not her real name)—was always happy, confident and energetic. She pulled up in her BMW every morning bright eyed and bushy tailed. The reality was, she had unmerited confidence. All her subordinates disliked her, she had horrible relationship skills, she fumbled multiple changes in the department making processes more inefficient, made a multitude of poor choices, etc. But it didn't matter because she was best friends with the VP. Like a proud parent praising and admiring their child, the VP always maintained she had terrific skills and abilities...

[Hidden in reply to StressBuster]

I wonder what her terrific skills and abilities really were !

[StressBuster in reply to Hidden]

Her terrific ability is being rescued by the VP. She doesn't learn responsibility and accountability—and hence—her high self-esteem. Her self-delusion keeps her amazingly energized!

[Hidden in reply to StressBuster]

lol i was thinking more of a very different set of terrific skills and abilities. The VP obviously did not have her around for her incredible work ethics

[Findingme in reply to StressBuster]

You can get away with a lot in this world if you are pretty, pleasant and smile at the right people. Guess that is where I go wrong.

[StressBuster in reply to Findingme]

Lol! Oh, I see what you were implying... No, nothing erotic going on.....

[Hidden in reply to StressBuster]

One never knows what goes on in peoples private lives !

[StressBuster in reply to Hidden]

true

[Hidden in reply to StressBuster]

So how does your ex boss impact your life now

[StressBuster in reply to Hidden]

She doesn't anymore. I'm out of there!

[Hidden in reply to StressBuster]

You wrote that list about her so maybe something still bothers you but good for you to get away from that

[Hidden in reply to Findingme]

Ha ha ha FM. Luvs ya x

[Hidden in reply to Findingme]

So true FM. That's why my life has not been easy. But I would rather keep my self esteem and be my own person. Bev x