Struggling again ...

[janey61]

Am struggling right now ,,, trying to cope but now my partner is ill with heart and diabetes problems ..so an extra worry ..all the problems and worries are hard for me with my invisible illnesses ..., depression , anxiety , m.e and b.p.d......any tips on how to stay positive and strong for those who need me ....and of course myself ...xx

[secondhandrose2]

Hi Janey

Oh that lot must be hard for you to cope with - I think they would be difficult for most people!

I guess the most important things are not to deny how you are feeling - in yourself and also about your partner's ill health - and to seek all the support you can.

I don't know whether you have supportive family but if not then are there any local sources of support, for example Mind can offer good support, also there may be local charities offering counselling or drop-insessions for people with bpd in your area. There is probably a local ME support group as well and of course your GP could refer you for counselling or CBT sessions if he has not already done so.

You say your partner is ill with heart and diabetes problems and I imagine that is worrying for you. There may be all sorts of implications, from finances to your sexual relationship as a result of your partner's likely tiredness , and it is important that the two of you are able to view those problems as joint ones and that neither of you takes them on alone which would result in your growing apart.

So, think in terms of each of your individual health problems as things that your joint relationship will need to be able to withstand and as joint problems that you can deal with together rather than thinking of you supporting him or vice versa - though of course every relationship includes that one way support at times.

Understanding the significance of your partner's health problems upon his or her sense of self will be important. If their ability to work is affected then their identity will have to alter - often people feel anger and shame at no longer being able to provide and if that is relevant for your situation it will be important that you not only allow your partner to express such feelings and understand them but it may be necessary for you to put them into words for him /her, to validate that of course they are natural feelings which you can share.

The last thing that immediately comes to mind is that you can use this site as often as you need to, daily or more if you feel that will help. We have all lived through difficult situations and are a supportive group so do use us however you need to.

Suexx

[janey61 in reply to secondhandrose2]

Wow thankyou ...how wise you are ..I also have an ageing mum , a 19 yr old with autism and complex needs , and a twenty three year old with problems ...my 19 yr old is moving to a new adult supported environment and it's been over a year of meeting s and worries there am so drained ... X

[secondhandrose2 in reply to janey61]

Oh great! Not much chance of support at home then... I wonder how you cope at all, it's no wonder you have anxiety, depression and ME - and quite possibly you had a difficult earlier life too as often that is associated with people developing BPD. I am glad for your sake that your 19 year old is moving to a supported environment - hopefully that will meet his needs and take the pressure off you a little. x

[Photogeek in reply to janey61]

Hi Janey my heart goes out to you . You certainly have a lot

To contend with. Most people would find those problems very

Hard to deal with.

Sue has given you great advice and she is right in that you

Should try and get all the support you can for all the various

Issues in your life.

Look after yourself too as it's easy to take on too much. Were you

Diagnosed with BPD? And how does it affect you? I must say I

Don't know a lot about it, but it does seem to be quite a serious

Diagnosis.

Hannah

[Hidden in reply to janey61]

Hi janey at the risk of embarrassing Sue she is very wise and is our sage. Bev x

[rosie15]

Hi.I can sympathise with you,I have a husband with heart problems ,diabetic and chronic arthritis in hips and shoulders .He is always in severe pain ,it never leaves him.I have been on meds for many years for depression.Life isn't easy but we get out as much as we can,while it is possible.I'm lucky our daughter isn't to far away .I need her to keep me sane.We are so very close .She is my rock.We all need some one to confide in .You have all of us here to talk to.

[janey61 in reply to rosie15]

Thanks Rosie , you sound very strong to me ,,, knowing others are here is a great help ...thankyou x

[janey61]

Its got worse .,,,

[rosie15 in reply to janey61]

Why .What's happened ?.

[Hidden in reply to janey61]

You ok Janey? x

[janey61]

Son been on phone , very upset , talking about how no one listens to him , staff at his residence are not supporting him and my partner can no longer support me ,,...I feel all the burden is on me and it was too much ...did a huge email to the social worker and later spoke to home manager who said my son was serttled ! ...it's all so stressful .,,and hard ...eldest to docs today a and care agency coming to pitch for youngest....like dragons den ...trying to remain calm thanks for the support on here guys means a lot x

[secondhandrose2]

Yes, I can imagine how difficult it all is for you, times of change like this are always hard. Sometimes it is difficult to hold onto letting time pass and things settle down - it sounds as though your son will settle and if you are able to hold onto that belief it will help him whereas if you are anxious it will make it more difficult for him. Take care of yourself and allow other things to take care of themselves now - although your sons both have problems they are not as dependant upon you are you perhaps feel, there are other people involved sharing the burden so let them do their jobs and take some of it from you. Remaining calm is difficult but believing that in time things will be easier is the most important thing you can do - you need to learn to trust that things will not all fall apart if you stop feeling so responsible - easier said than done I know... I hope you are feeling better today and things continue to improve for you.

Suexx