Hi, I have just joined today and have been reading some of the posts and has given me some comfort that there are people who understand and empathise with each other.I have never felt like this before I am 61yrs old,my children are grown good jobs,married,and not living near.I just feel this is my life till I eventually die.What do I do now?nobody needs me anymore,I have no interest in anything anymore,I used to be so outgoing and enthusiastic.My husband is a lot older than me and is such an outgoing person,he just doesn't know what's matter with me and he just woudnt understand as he thinks there is no such thing as depression and you should just get on with things.I have had to finish work as I have Fybomalagia and was fining it hard,though I struggled for as long as I could.

Thank you for reading this,it has helped a bit to write things down. W

23 Replies

  • Hello, Wynfield! I am new here too. You have no idea how I was feeling some hours ago! It is indeed very encouraging when we know that somewhere in the world there are people going through what we are going through. I am 44 by the way.

    It is an awful feeling to believe we aren't needed, isn't it ? Whether is a reality or not, it is hard to feel any different sometimes. I know this feeling very well , believe me.

    However, Wynfield, I believe that what makes us feel like that, and this goes for me as well, is that we find hard to accept that those people we were used to be needed by, found their own away to deal with life without our help, and to break this bond is hard. The truth about human beings having the need to feel useful is real, and you should not feel bad for longing for this. But if to be needed is something that brings fulfilment to who you are, you will need to find people who need you , where your life is going to add something that nobody else can add, because we are all unique and so , how you add something to someone's life will be different from how I add, and that's the beauty of allowing ourselves to be used as blessings to someone else.

    I don't know where you live, but I know we live in very individualist and materialistic society , and this makes harder for humbleness to be part of people's heart. They have everything, so the mentality is that they don't need anything or anyone. But thank God , there will always be someone here or there to whom our lives will make a difference, and believe me , my friend, sometimes all that someone needs is a sincere smile. People usually need much less than we think. We just need to keep our hearts sensitive so that we don't miss the opportunity.

    I am glad your husband is an outgoing person. It is good that. Don't let the fact that he thinks lowly about depression to make you even more depressed. Think this way: if he had an illness that you didn't have, you wouldn't be able to feel what he feels, so just leave it , and thank God for the people that understand what depression means and try to "kill a lion " every day so that they can get out of bed. The fact that he is outgoing will be useful for when you feel better, you will have someone to share that moment with you and keep your spirit up. I understand that some sensitivity is always good, but sometimes , we need to rub our sensitivity on others, once in a while, because some people just don't make use of their sensibility when we need it the most , and I know it can really hurt our feelings.

    But hold on there, Wynfield, you are not alone.

    Take your time , and start writing about how you would feel happier. What is that you could do that would lift your spirit and other people's too. Every time you think about how you can feel happier, think of somebody else too, that for sure will make you ever more fulfilled, because what you really want is to make your life counts, isn't it ?

    I leave you with the best of God's blessing for your life.

    Best regards


  • Thank you so much for your reply it so nice to know someone understands and can take the time to try to help me.I know you are right and am trying to get my head into gear.I just want ME back.

    Kindest of regards


  • Hello. Wyn ! How are you feeling today ?

  • Feel better today and it's such a relief have never felt as bad as I did yesterday,don't think I could have coped with another day like that.Am sure it was yours and everybodys concern and understanding that helped.

    Thank you sooo much x

  • Good evening, Wyn ! ( I hope you don't mind addressing you as such)

    I am pleased to hear you feel better today, there is nothing better than to have at least a day of relief from these things which can make us feel paralysed, isn't it ?

    I hope you have many days like that.

    Keep in touch. It will be good to know how you are keeping.

    Have you been thinking about how you would like to make your life counts more ?

    As for me, just to be able to stop and take my time to try to lift someone's spirit on this website is already helping me a bit.

    Take care. And don't hesitate to contact when you need or want to.

    And you are very, very welcome.

    A big hug,


  • Hi, don't mind calling me Wyn ( quite like it!) having been thinking of all sorts today as what I could do,have looked at volunteering sites etc.

    You certainly have helped me and I am here for you anytime. Its so strange I feel as though we have become friends in only a few days and it so nice.

    Will def keep in touch.

    Luv Wyn x

  • Hi, Wyn ! Im glad you having been thinking about what you could do. But don't overthink, otherwise something that is supposed to help you , may bring more pressure to your life, and that is not the purpose. Im from Blackburn, and you? Im asking so that I can try to check some sites and send you some links so that you can have a look at them too, but you don't need to say where you are from , it you dont want to.

    I am glad to know I was able to offer you some support; I understand the importance of it, and the pain of not having it . Thank you for making yourself available to be there for me as well.

    I understand what you mean by feeling as though we became friends. A friend, Wyn, is simply a hand that is willing to reach out and help us to stand when we feel hard to do on our own. God has provided us with two hands, but unfortunately is not everyone who choses to reach out to others at least with one of them, and some do, even if they are hurting themselves.

    It has been good to write to you , as you have probably noticed , I write a lot (lol) . Writing flows naturally to me.

    Well, I hope you are having a good night sleep as it is 02:11am. My sleep pattern is a bit out of order at the moment , but I'm working on it.

    Take care." See" you soon.

    PS: Are you into craft?

  • Hi, I am not as good as writing as you as you can probably tell.I am from Wakefield.Hope you got off to sleep eventually my sleep pattern is all over the place too,can be awake. For hours during the night so know how you feel.I have allways being into support work and caring so find it strange to be on the other side of the fence.(so to speak) .

    Speak soon

    Wyn x

  • Good afternoon! I dont think you are bad at writing , it is just me who is a chatterbox . (lol)

    So has your day been ? Have you managed to do anything nice for yourself for a change?

    What did you work with ?

    Wyn, I am going to send you a my email from your profile so that if we want to share inf such as, email , it doesnt become public, okay?

    This is a good site indeed, however, sometimes people want to develep a freindship with others and consequently share more, and of course it is not everything about their problems they desire to make public.

    I have managed to sleep but if I could I would be awaken all night doing something. I think my brain works better during the night.

    I am studying Criminology at uni at the moment , but I am finding extremely hard, to manage the work load when I find myself really low.

    I should not be emotionally where I am , but unfortunately , sometimes, people we trusted with our lives, decide they have the right to inflict pain on us, and at suddenly we find ourselves without ground under our feet, and our whole life is affected. So I am quite on the defensive side, emotionally speaking, at the moment.

    Well, speak to you soon.

    a big hug for you.

    Krika( a friend of mine calls me like that)

  • are you ok, Wyn ?

  • Bless you,thanks I am fine.Had a good day.Didn't you get my e-mail I sent you this morning.? Xx

  • I am going to check it now.

  • No, I havent received it any email from you. I have checked the spam as well. Try to resend , maybe you wrote something wrong or I gave you wrongly.

  • No , I havent received any email from you. I have checked the spam as well. Try to resend it; maybe I have written it wrongly or maybe you have. Let me know.

  • Hi Wyn and welcome here to the Forum. Please don't be upset and

    Thinking your not needed. You are just feeling Depressed and when we

    Feel like this, we tend to see our lives very negatively. Have you been

    To your Dr.? If not maybe it would be a good thing to do, have a chat and

    Be really honest about how you are feeling.

    I can understand how you feel and If I'm very Depressed I would feel like

    You do now.

    Wyn maybe a bit of Counselling might help you to get back your mojo, This

    Forum is very supportive and we have all been where you are . Please

    Try and be really kind to yourself and let us know how you are doing.

    Hannah xx

  • Volunteering . I'd recommend it as I've been and felt the same as you. I've had to stop now because of pain but I'd start again if I could.

    I volunteered taking blind people out but the opportunities and types of volunteering are so varied. There will be something to suit even your condition.

    I bet you have a warm heart and some life skills to share.

    Please try it . All the best

  • Thank you. For your reply.


  • Hi

    I can identify with so much of what you say. I am 65 and like you my children live far away, I also have fibromyalgia and am unable to work any more though for different reasons. My husband also does not understand, though I am lucky in that he knows he doesn't but supports me nonetheless and that does make a difference.

    I don't know what to say to enable you to feel more positively because there are no easy answers. It has taken me time to adjust and come to terms with the way my life is now, but gradually I am doing so.

    You say your husband would not understand and your children are not near but you do not say whether you have friends locally. I remarried some years ago and my friends all live a distance away and as a result I have found myself socially isolated - it may be that you are also feeling quite isolated and need more contact with people. You may also feel angry about not having family around you, perhaps about your husband's lack of understanding and almost certainly about fibro having made it impossible for you to continue working because at least that got you out into the world.

    In time you will need to establish a new life for yourself, perhaps joining a group of like-minded people - I joined the Ramblers, much to my surprise as I had never imagined myself enjoying walking any distance, and also I joined the local U3A (University of the Third Age) locally and they have lots going on although as yet I have only joined one group with them. However I imagine right now you are feeling too negatively to find the motivation to meet new people.

    I wonder whether you have considered that you need to talk through with a counsellor how you are feeling at this point in your life? I do think that would help you to clarify exactly what leads to your feeling low and that will indicate how best to overcome those feelings.

    Meanwhile keep using the website as there are lots of supportive people who will do our best to understand and help you.


  • Thank you so much,its amazing how similar we are dontfeel up to joining anything at mo don't want to make pleasant conversation,just want to be on my own being still and quiet.But I would like to talk to a counceller will see what my dr says Tom Have been in bed all day cos bad headache and shivering.

    You are so kind to reply and try and help me

    Wynfield x

  • Hi Wynfield,

    What helps me most is volunteering. We have a food pantry where we give out food to needy people, and I volunteer at that a lot, but that involves some physical labor. Other opportunities in my community include teaching English to immigrants at our local public library, and volunteering at the local schools to read to children one-on-one. It's so nice to know that you can make a huge difference in someone's life - I always feel like if I made someone's life better today, then it was a good day.

    We also have CASA volunteers, who advocate for children who have been removed from their families. They keep in contact with the children from home to home, and make sure they get what they need. What a huge way to change someone's life for the better!

    Leaving work frees us up to do so much for our communities! I'm sure there's a way you can make a difference where you live.


  • Hi Wyn, You hit a nerve with me when you said "I just want me back." That is exactly how I feel. I have PTSD. I have never posted on here before I am also new. I have gone from being outgoing and extrovert in a high risk line of work to a woman who does not leave the house. I have made sores and scabs all over my body through picking and scratching. I have been prescribed Sertraline by my GP and am on a list for counselling the end of June. I do not feel afraid but as soon as I try to ready myself to leave the house I am physically sick, dizzy and I shake uncontrollably. I have been like this for eight months now. My hands are shaking now as I type this and talk about my PTSD. There are many other symptoms and I feel the isolation we put ourselves into voluntarily is a common ground between depression and PTSD.

    I wish you better health in time.


  • Hi Wyn

    I'm just wondering how you are as when you last wrote you said you were shivering - I hope you were not coming down with some virus?

    Take care and keep in touch,


  • Hi, I am feeling a bit better thank you,don't know what causes my shaking and shivering but I have had it before,going to mention it to dr this aft. Could be something to do with Fybromalagia that have been diagnosed with.

    Thank you for asking

    Wyn X

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