Mental Health Support
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Do you ever get the Should Be's?

I'm afraid today I have a severe case of the should bes, you know I should be doing this, I should be doing that.

Yet agin the elves have come in and untied my place! So now 'I' have to up tidy it again...thats like up selling you know. Annnnway I lack Siobhans focus and need to find something or someone to channel to help me get through this mound of unwanted to the Nirvana of tidy :-)

If you have any encouragement or want to share your Should Be so we can all discuss it thus putting off the job of tidying, all contributions are welcome. For once all school work is done, Im just doing extra stuff because I like it and feel I should push myself.

Who invented the word should, is 'should' the root of all unhappiness? :-)

Anyway thanks for listening to my musings. (P.S. I went to the funnies the other day and I may have caught a severe case, it may last me the rest of my life, where I find curious and often inappropriate things funny). Sorry will shut up its your turn.

Ladies and Gentlemen... your today's 'should'.... (get it off your chest). Together we are strong...grrrr :-)


35 Replies

Hi Caroline.

Time yourself. If you limit cleaning to an hour, the task is less intimidating.

Start small to make the job less daunting. Try tackling just one room.

Start even smaller. Focus on just one task, like doing the dishes.

Crank up the music. It makes cleaning a lot more fun.

Begin by tossing anything you can into the garbage/recycling.

Thank yourself when you're finished with a small reward.

Get off the Internet. To get the job done, you're eventually going to have to stop reading posts online and start cleaning.

Hope. This gets you started.

Hannah xx



I did the kitchen and the bathroom yesterday, suffice to say you could eat your dinner in the kitchen it was soo clean :-)

Still got lots to do, living room, bedroom all that.

Thank you I shall try again on Sunday as I am out Saturday.

Thank you sooo much Hannah you always reply to me, I am so grateful my friend.



I got a row from my counsellor today for my should be's!


Seriously! Sack her/him, they shouldn't be giving you should be's!! They should give you well done's and there theres as and when needed. Sorry about that Lucy. Maybe you should have a should be list ready for your councellor to do! Like should be nicer!!



I sometimes youse the 1,2,3 go it sorta works


Yes I know the list sounds a bit dry. Lol.

Take any bits you like from it. I find Music great for livening me up

And getting me dancing around my kitchen.



Okay I know Im being really dense but could you explain I didnt understand that comment, sorry XX


a possible coping strategy

I have found myself that only planning for the next 5 or ten minutes works.

just plan 10 minute tasks and no more, then rest or do something nice for 10 mins.

if you finish in time - well done.

if you don't then you just underestimated the task, ok stop and make the rest part of the next task.

if you finish early - well done, add the time left to your free time you earned it!

this removes any pressure from doing the tasks and you will start to manage with practice - one of my early tasks was to go fill the kettle, rest, then make a cup of tea, in my rest period I got to relax and drink it!

don't be tempted to just go on to the next task, the r&r is important as we can get too ambitious, overwhelmed and unable to do anything, it's not about a race, it's about pacing and allowing yourself to relax and to be YOU.


hamble :)

(first posted 2 years ago, but still something that works for me :) )

1 like

Hamble that sounds really good, I like the rests thingy but then I lose focus and go off and do something else and dont come back to the cleaning :-) But maybe the trick is one room at a time. Anyway now I only have 3 rooms left to do and they are small so I can get right on it Sunday and if it runs into Monday no biggy. Thanks for the encouragement.

I did read the 5 minute rule somewhere and it does make sense.

Utlimately what worked for me was watching how clean is your house, Im so frightened I might end up like that, I do something :-) and I pick up top tips sometimes.

Thanks again



Good morning Hamble love thus especially the bit

Where you take a bit and make a cuppa. Pacing is great . Thanks for this.

Hannah xx


Swap your cleaning for someone elses! I find I hate doing my own but other peoples is much easier... x

1 like

If only Bev you are are spot on! Im like you I can clean mums so it sparkles but my own place is such a bore. For a while there I was doing three lots of washing up, mums, the BF's and mine. I felt like I was on a tred Pleased to report much less of that goes o now Im back at school.



Ha ha yes I was the same with my mums flat - cleaned it to within an inch of it's life but can't do my own. Having said that I did clear an area of floor space the day before yesterday but it's just filled up again now with more junk! :( x



Dont know about you but I find the junk disappears when I'm in a better space and sometimes just letting it go until you are in a better space mentally isn't the worst thing in the world.

You know how it is Bev when you feel like tidying it goes in a second! :-)

The best days are those days when you feeeel like chucking stuff out. They are brilliant, I know the mood will pass, so ruthlessly chuck out as much as I can in those moods and if I regret it later, hay ho give it a few days and I recognise its all good.

We don't need stuff and Im not actually attached to stuff, but I have alot of it in a small space so I need to keep chucking it out. I need to be more mindful of what I bring into the house.

All Im saying is I understand and don't be hard on yourself, that pile will disappear when you are ready and if you get to take the dog out in this glorious weather then you have already won.



“There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.”

― Quentin Crisp


Lol wasnt it he who also went on about dusting being a waste of time or was thats someone odd like Dylan Thomas...ha ha. We all know the ole Crisp will have a cleaner, the faker...ha ha



Hi Henry I thought the word he used was 'dust' not 'dirt'? x


Caroline, I am forever writing lists; not exactly of what I "should be "doing but what I "need " to do and there always seems so much stuff to get done doesn't there? I still have about 7 things "pending"; I guess i do the most urgent ones or the most obligatory ones (like something I've agreed to go to as I don't like letting people down) and then the others like sorting out some different clothes to wear ( i have tons of clothes but always end up wearing just a small percentage of them as it's easier than picking out different "outfits") I tend to do a lot later or not at all really. If I absolutely had to sort them out say if i was going on holiday then I guess I would do it then as I would have to, but I find even washing my hair something I have to plan to do as i find it draining.

So no real advice but then you didn't ask for that, just for my "should's".

Well i did feel I "should " have replied to more posts yesterday but having just replied to yours now (yes this one!) I feel a bit less guilty. I don't mean by the way that I don't like replying; I do and also I do feel bad if I don't reply as I love and appreciate so much when people reply to me and I believe in fairness, so have felt i've let myself down in the past couple of days but it was due to meds change and I got memory lapses which were noticeable to others too, so I'm just trying to get on an even keel with the meds and try and find something that helps me sleep without making me zombified or unsafe or memory lapses.

XX Sending you hugs anyway my friend. Gemma x

PS Anyone else had problems with hotmail? Mine wasn't working yesterday; said I had now moved to outlook as hotmail no longer exists (so we have no choice) but could not access one of my e-mail accounts on outlook. Still having problems as I can't remember the password. Was on a bit of an endless merrygoround of them sending me access codes, having to fill in a form to "prove" it was my account but then being told not enough info.. ....

Don't you just hate passwords sometimes??? GRrrr. More trouble than they are worth a lot of the time.

PS You didn't lock your post you naughty girl. You SHOULD have done that if you're bothered about security and maybe I SHOULDN'T have replied but i haven't written anything top secret i don't think. At the moment can still access this site thank God as I need this forum; it's a lifeline for me.


Oh and yes I have trouble with Yahoo and sometimes this site ;-). Yeah passwords what a load of inconvenience :-)


I have nothing to hide Gemma, I am who I am and if folks don't like it they know what they can do.

The BF one day announced we should be our 'authentic selves', mainly because he is so But I can say hand on heart Im always me 24/7 take it or leave it :-)

What's the point in being fake anyway, you may as well be dead.

Let's be clear though I'm not advocating speaking ones mind all the time, I have a friend who takes great pride in 'speaking her mind', yet if we all did it to her, she'd be crushed. It's like the 'I don't suffer fools gladly bridge', who more often than not, are foolish themselves it's just everyone is too polite to say anything

Luckily Gemma you and I fall for none of this non sense.

So since my mother taught me early on, I'm dammed if I do and dammed if I don't, let the roasting begin... ha ha.

Although baring in mind your comment, that those who comment on my posts may need protection, I shall try and be mindful to lock my posts on XX



Well ladies and gents I came home from school today feeling pretty sh*t and thanks to your lovely comments and help, I feel a lot better, so thank you VERY much. Your kindness to me is always very touching and I want you to know I am very appreciative.



Hi Caroline,

I have them days more than people realise but I just struggle with my thoughts more than I talk about, think that stems from people always leaning on me even as a little kid and nobody being there when I needed them to listen to me apart from my nan, anyway I had a 'should be's' day today, I should've sorted out all my DVDs and the ton of books I have in my room, I didn't sort out them and I haven't done as much job search as I should I only did 3 hours instead of 5 hours the job centre tells me to do but I get distracted a lot and forget what I was doing and do something totally different,

I did manage to remember everything my mum asked me to get when I went to bury (local town to where I live) and I also enjoyed myself a zumba class,

You just got to remember that even the smallest thing you do e.g. making your bed in the morning, is a step in the right direction, I can honestly say that is one of the only things I do day in day out, other things I don't do every day like exercising, reading and writing which I'd like to make them become a habit in time,

You should be proud of yourself even if you only manage to do 1/2 things during the day because it's a step in the right direction,

Tomorrow I will be sorting out all my DVDs and will start on sorting my books out, sunday I will be going to the gym and going to support the football team I'm sort of apart of (not officially but I train with them) then I will come back and probably throw some of my washing in to the machine and get them washed and dried before the end of the day, things that you do on a day to day basis you should think yep I did that and I find that it helps me complete more than I thought I could do during the day,

Hope tomorrow is a much better day for you and I hope this helps you and I'm sorry I have only seen your post,

Take care,

Siobhan xx



Thanks for all that Siobhan, I still marvel at all the things you do! You're like a power house.

Well I had a wonderful day today, I was out all day. Tomorrow I hope to tidy and feel spurred on by your tidying, which helps me immensely. I think its because I realise if you with head injuries and a busted nose can still manage to do all this stuff I should be able to do at least half that.

I met some great people today and spent half the day in the pub simply chatting and what great conversations, I never do that. I feel truely blessed but also exhausted, so Im having my dinner and then off for an early night as I have lots to do tomorrow.

Keep writing to me Siobhan else I don't know what I shall do :-) Just a Siobhan boost every few weeks or so and I should be ready to take a trip to the moon. Thank you my friend, thank you very much XX


Hi Caroline,

I'm glad I could help, it's just small little steps, I looked back to when I was a kid because I keep thinking I haven't achieved anything in my life but looking back I realised that at the age of 10 I increased my flexibility even though it was so small it made me smile and has made me want to start increasing my flexibilty again,

Oh the other day when I mentioned I was sorting out my pj's I still have to sew some pockets on which it's raining today so might skip the football match and sew the pockets on, take the last picture and put them up on here,

That sounds like a great day you had, I hope you have more days like that, we all deserve good days even when we are having a bad day it seems like we won't have a good day, it's really nice to hear that you enjoyed yourself and had a good day,

I will try to put up little helpful hints to help you, oh and if your going to the moon can I come to, might be the only place where I'm accident prone oh and I'll bring a set of scales because I'll weigh a lot less haha :)

Take care, hope you have a good day, Hugs,

Siobhan xx


lol Siobhan, me, you, the moon does it get any Now maybe we should take a canary you know like in the Can't bare birds in cages, just want them to fly free, but I know that isn't always practical.

Well done on the flexibility, wish I was more sporty like you...but who knows maybe in the future.

Thanks again, my friend, you made me smile.



Hi Caroline I took the dog up to Walls Hill yesterday - a woody fieldy area where lots of dogs go. Anyway I met my favourite doctor up there who is in her late 30's. She is one of those bright shiny happy people who are always doing things and living life to the full. She looked bright and happy and glowing with life and I felt like an old tramp beside her...

By contrast I was in the pub on Friday evening and I was in company with around half a dozen people my own age and we all agreed that we don't do bright shiny happy people - we relate to those like ourselves who have been knocked around a lot by life. We are cynical and jokey and share the same attitudes and have a great sense of humour and josh each other unmercifully. Brilliant. Lifes survivors...and the walking wounded. That's us.

Bev xx


How ever you find your happiness is good be it a chatty with miss happy smiley or your friends in the pub sound like you had a good day. Id like to see you have more of those good days Bev and I hope it happens for you. Thanks for sharing its always nice when people share news. You have a great sense of fun and humour Bev.



Hi Caroline well it is not happiness but it is connection which is good. Thank you. Bev x


'Should be's' are endless, for me.


Lets see, Should be married, have a job. A house kids, grandkids, a nice car, a college degree, resume of a lifetime career. Further along in life.


How about this and I know it isn't a perfect analogy but you may have heard there was a disaster In Nepal, what if you had , had the husband and kids and car and all had been lost an earthquake.

Or you died at 20 in a car crash or you raised a child and it died in adulthood, or you married and your husband turned out to be a serial killer. I know these are extremes but they do happen, maybe you saved yourself all that heartache, maybe you are better at manifesting what you need than you think.

You have running water, some people have to walk miles to the well, you have access to medical help, if you want to laze in a park you can do so mostly without being attacked, you have the radio and music.

Look I'm not saying be grateful for what you've got or that you are ungrateful all I'm saying is take notice you have the blessings of the Gods, you can read, and write, you can look up stuff on the internet, you are intelligent and if you want you can learn stuff. You know what F*ck society and its unreasonable pressures, you are a magnificent one of kind special human being and just by being here you bring light to the world.

No one has the right to say who you should and shouldn't be, what you should and shouldn't have.

I know sometimes I feel like you, like Id like this or that, I feel the pressure of my families expectations and then I think hold on whose life is this anyway. I'm not here to please people, I'm here and that's enough!

Find your joy, be interested in everything, spoil yourself all the time and pat yourself on the back for being you and sparing yourself heartache.

One more thing and I'll get off my soap box, how many people marry 'The One' only to end in bitter rivalry and divorce. Those very people would look down on us for not being settled, I don't know about you Angel, but as yet I haven't been through a bitter divorce. I don't look down on people for not having the trappings of society. Don't let people make you feel less than you are.

Now for those who have been divorced or lost someone I am sorry. I'm just saying often we have great gifts in this life we have forgotten to count and everyone has regrets, but to try and move forward and find the magic. It is there.

I want to send you a big hug for being so open and say I am like you and if we both are going to hell in a hand cart for not having stuff, can I have a window seat ...lo.


If you believe in God I truly believe he loves you else you would not have the gift of life with all its colours bright yellow, through to grey and black its all there.

Oh and I have met some pretty wealthy people who have it all and believe me they arent happy and they are equally as lost in the world, they just have access to more :-)



Caroline London. You asked for our shoulds and to get it off our chests and then admonished me for a 2 sentence post with a 32 line reply. Are you baiting people here?


Im not trying to admonish you I want to enthuse you, I want you to feel you can climb mountains. We always see to have should lists when all that is important is we recognise how special we are. Im so sorry i upset you. I really hope you have a wonerful day and wonderful life. I wish I would wave a wand an take away peoples suffering, people here are so talented, so magical and because they are sensitive and intelligent get hurt by societies silly ideas of shoulds. I post this ages ago as like everyone I suffer from shoulds but I try to bat them off.

Really Angel I just want you to see the magic and your own magic.

Sorry XX


Caroline,. I appreciate the Sorry. But you encouraged people to open up and then pretty much did what felt like shaming to me for feeling and posting what I was encouraged to do. It was like " How do you feel?" and then a "You shouldn't feel that way because...." If you were trying to be helpful you kind of did it in a roundabout way.


alright then alalmagoosa I made a mistake and would like to offer my sincere apologies, I had good intentions but did not express myself well. I really hope things work out well for you. You deserve to be happy X


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