Hi, everyone, just a thought. I find it very useful coming onto this forum and it is wonderful to be able to express the negative stuff that we can sometimes experience.
I was wondering though if it might be an idea to have a new category on the forum. Maybe call it "Positives"; could include humour, happy things that have happened. I know we have "no category" at present and "sofa chat", which could cover it but just throwing this out as an idea. If any administrators are reading as well, what do you think?
So what "positive things" have I got to say today?
Well on Saturday I cooked a lasagna for two friends. I have realised I am often saying I have no friends or very few friends but that is probably because I tend to discount the things that I do have or more so that I wish that the friendships I had were "deeper" or "more involved"; but maybe that is where I go wrong. Maybe this is what "ordinary friendships" are; people you trust who come round for a chat and a meal two or three times a year. Maybe it a matter of how I view things in that someone else may not feel that was not enough and may feel they have "close friends". Anyway I have had a new cooker for over 6 months now but never summoned up the spirit to cook anything in it. I do not normally have people round at all so it was a big thing for me. I laid the table with a proper tablecloth and put Christmas crackers on and then we went out later to see a Christmas show. They brought me flowers and a bottle of wine. I have never normally the energy to go out in the evening but I "saved" myself and I managed it.
I am so happy that I have achieved this and that we had a nice time, particularly as one of the crackers had a game of ludo in it which we started playing.
The next day I felt a little sorry for myself for a while. My "friends" are off putting up their Christmas tree today and have lots of stuff planned for their future; they were all "couply" together but then they are a couple. But then I thought how about trying the "glass half full" approach. They did come, I did cook, it did go well and it may not be all that I want but I am not entirely alone and have managed to build up a certain "level" of friendship so I should not dismiss that.
What does anyone think about a "Positives" category? Some people say they haven't been on here for a while because they felt better but would it not be nice to come on here anyway and to have a range of stuff we can refer to including when we are feeling a bit better?
Gemmalouise xx
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Hi Gemma that's a great idea, although I did not have any positives myself
Even in the last week. But it's a good idea that people don't
Just have to be Depressed to come on here.
Well done you cooking up a storm with your fancy schmancy cooker. That's great
Eve. If they went off next day to do their thing.
We can do so many things if we choose and we are much stronger than we think.
Hugs
Hannah x
Hello Jemma
Friendships are always hard to make, ships in the night are much more simple to make. Real friendships are ten carat diamonds and can take a lifetime to make. I can count real friends on one hand only the rest seems to come and go.
Friends are those people who you meet, move away and never return, all others sadly are the ships in the night that blow a fog horn and move on through the fog of life.
Friends you make are made by not expecting to much of them, do not push or try to suffocate them, they like you, they come back, they invite you to their home, we must never be too heavy with them or we frighten them away, never expect to much and you will never be disappointed.
Well done enjoy their company, at first never expect too much, look, learn, listen, and give support.
Personally I wouldn't want to see a seperate section for positives, as I feel that there are positives to be drawn from every situation. To have a section of 'happy' posts leaves the rest of the forum for those not so. That could be a bit of a gloomy area to hang around in. I like to glance across the forum and see a variety of people posting for different reasons. Great that you've had such a fulfilling experience though and I hope it continues for you x
The Anxiety Support forum has a thing called Positive Friday. Every Friday someone puts up a post and people reply with up to three positive things that have happened in the week.
I think it is a good exercise for each person to identify a few positives. Sometimes makes you feel like a day, or a week, wasn't as bad as you thought.
I agree with Lucy. Lets keep both the positive stuff and the more difficult stuff in one place. Certainly for me, accepting the depression and trying to recognise life still happens is important. My old friends are still out there, they still enjoy my company when i get around to catching up. I still enjoy getting out and walking in the country and going to the pub occasionally. About four times this year probably.
Moving on with my depression has been about recognising that good stuff still happens but I don't often notice. I focus on the negative and that does not help.
In a low mood I probably would not want to look at just positives. It would be too much to aspire towards.
A balanced view, in a section where I feel accepted and understood is what i need.
Positive Friday or a Daily positive would be welcome. A little encouragement to recognise achievements helps lift us all.
Thanks David for your thoughts. Yes I would love a daily positive or positive Friday x and will carry on posting when I've achieved stuff as it does lift me. I am sort of starting from a different place from some people. I never had any friends at all, so "making friends" is all new to me. I started trying about 5 years ago and took the advice of a friend and the advice Bob has also given here; not to impose much onto them, to contain most of my negative thoughts and feelings (as underneath I am needy but I was advised this does not go down well) It has obviously paid off in that this friend is still around and I now have an infrequent but a regular contact with her and her partner.
I still feel "proud" that I had someone to go out with on Saturday; I felt like a normal member of the public, but then there is another side of me saying that I am fooling people, that I do not deserve this, that I must be conning them into thinking I am "normal" and I only get these things by pretending to be ok. So it gets complicated in my head. I do control my intense emotions a lot and my need for intimacy. I know underneath I am needy. I know the only way to go is not to request this sort of intimacy with people until several years but then there is another part of me that just gets frustrated and wants that deeper sort of connection. The reason why I feel sometimes I am "conning" people is the way I control my neediness so much and pretend it isn't there in order to build up a relationship. However it does seem to work and at least I am not completely isolated.
Obviously work to do on my self esteem still Constantly thinking I am coming from an inferior position may need questioning, as surely the fact that I am able to control and contain myself is a plus???
I need to think more on this. Any thoughts anyone else? Gemmalouise x
I can create a category if members really want one. Another way though is to use tags and if you all agree on the tag you'll be using you'll be able to search for positive posts and thoughts.
It's a difficult one, in a previous board I used to run, we had a category called "The Living Room" and really it was to chill, be very relaxed and positive vibes etc.
Hello admin and many thanks for replying. I am very impressed!
I guess there is already a tag for "positives" or "good news" as I typed these in in a search and material came up. Is that what you meant? I could suggest a tag of "positive day" but to be fair actually there is stuff already available; I have now looked on "Creativity" where there are photos, and poems, and also "sofa chat" gives some leeway for more general stuff and there is opportunity to post positive stuff generally too.
I was so pleased today to see that someone had posted with good news about how their job and their mental health was improving; it is always nice to hear.
It was just an idea and I will go with the general consensus which I think is to keep it mixed? We do also I guess have the category of "Self help" if we want to write about things that have helped or worked for us. I love the idea of "positive Friday" which is on the anxiety forum but I'm happy to post up there is people don't want that here or just report my own positive news here from time to time (when there is some!) without having to make a new tag. ( I hope i've got the gist of what this "tags" things is about?)
bit of a p.s. on this. whatever the admin do to change the lay out can you please keep it easy to use.... The ''sane'' forum is soooo subdivided it just makes it a complete headache to use.
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