Help needed to open up

Hi there I'm new to this. I've been suffering with depression since I was 17-18. I'm now 25 I've been in the mental health hospital 2 times but tried committing suicide roughly 30-40 times. My partner is suffering with me being like this everyday. I've got a cpn that I see once a month and still can't open up to him or my partner. What is the best way to try opening up please help me thanks

[wallflower_fairy]

Well done for opening up here. You've made a start and considering how much you say you struggle with this, this is a huge leap. If you're having trouble expressing yourself vocally, maybe you could start off by writing things down. Privately at first as it may help you to clarify your thoughts. And then whatever you're most comfortable with sharing you could show to your partner, therapist etc. You could do a letter for them and let them read it on their own if this makes things easier.

I hope this helps. I also want to say welcome to our community.

wanderingwallflower xx

[Hidden in reply to wallflower_fairy]

Ive cried wile writing on this its very hard for me to put things into words because I hear voices when I try to write something they are shouting at me and puts me off. I've been to the doctor today as I've been really low for past week and broke down yesterday and felt so empty. I wish I didn't feel like this any more as my family has dealt with 4 suicides. 3 on my dad's side and 1 on my mum's. Do yous think I might have got it threw my family. I've 7 family members with depression

[Suzie40 in reply to Hidden]

Yes, there is loads of evidence and research to suggest that depression runs in families. Personally I think it's a combination of a depression gene and learned behaviours.

[wallflower_fairy in reply to Hidden]

It must have taken you a lot of effort and courage. Yes, depression definitely has a heredity element. I also think it's made your depression worse seeing your family suffer, so an interaction between the environment and biology.

Does anyone else know about the voices? It's important to let someone know because hearing voices isn't a classic symptom of depression. So you may need an additional diagnosis and some adjustment to your treatment. I know this is upsetting for your gran but I'm sure she'd rather you were getting the support you need rather than suffering in silence.

xxxx

[Michelle1974 in reply to wallflower_fairy]

Hi Fay

Just a quick post as I don't think I have heard off you since last week, I hope things are looking ok at the moment

Hugs Michelle x

[wallflower_fairy in reply to Michelle1974]

Thanks Michelle. Well I'm ok I guess. I think I've probably been better. I'm back at uni and have been struggling getting back into the swing of things. I went home last weekend - I never planned to - I was actually going to have Bubble tea with a group of friends - but the combination of feeling unwell, not being able to get comfortable in a different bed, and not being able to get warm (i.e. the room was cold and also the shower here was running low on hot) was just too much.

I'm going home this weekend too - counting down the days. I planned to go home this weekend anyway and don't like cancelling plans unless I absolutely have to. I've also not been feeling bad so I feel like I need to go home. But I can't do it all the time as I'm less motivated to work at home (more distractions) so it isn't sustainable.

I'm cutting myself some slack tonight and giving myself the evening off, but I won't be able to keep doing this as I'm already behind - so somehow I'll have to push through it and catch up. :/ Sorry this isn't a cheerier post. I don't want to lie. On the upside it's been really nice seeing everyone again. And it's good to hear from you.

Hugs,

wanderingwallflower xx

[pccogni]

Who do you think you could open up to? Who would you feel the most comfortable with? You need a listening supportive ear, empathy and unbiased.

Message me if you wish

[WantToChange]

Hi Davie, it is a known fact that men struggle to open up more than women do. It comes down to thousands of years of men being the breadwinners and having to be strong for the family. But today things are different, so those rules no longer apply.

You need to accept that it's okay to open up and admit you have a problem. At first it is hard to accept it but that's the main hurdle. After that it becomes easier to talk more about your illness.

I think you have taken a brilliant first step by coming on here because you have opened up to us! Although we are strangers you have to start somewhere. So well done, dude!

I agree with Faye, write things down on paper. It helps to keep a diary of your feelings from throughout the day. And when you feel ready to, show one of the diary entries to ONE person. Don't overload yourself. Give it to your therapist first as this is the person who can help with your illness. Or let your partner see it. But perhaps starting with your therapist would be best as this will allow progress in your sessions.

You can come and speak to us any time remember. A lot of people have problems opening up. But talking to people about it can be somewhat therapeutic so I hope you will find a way that works for you.

Good luck x

[Hidden in reply to WantToChange]

Thanks for your advice. I sat my partner down last night and said to her that I'm ill. I'm scared of opening up to my cpn just incase he thinks I'm might need hospital treatment It would destroy my gran if I did

[alamagoosa in reply to Hidden]

Davie, It could be in your genes. it could be your culture. Or bad things that happened in your family history. But feeling are real. If you tried committing suicide so many times you are really hurting emotionally. You need love. You need it from someone besides a partner. That gets complicated. I don't know much about you. But did anyone in your family really tell you they love you? That's the reason I tried to commit suicide. I wanted to find out that people loved me. And they didn't anyway. No one even cared.

[Hidden in reply to alamagoosa]

I got bullied in primary school secondary school and collage. I've been mentally abused by my step father and step brother. I have no contact with my mum and step family I've always been thinking that I haven't been loved by them I tried asking them and they always told me to grow up and act my age

[alamagoosa in reply to Hidden]

People feel like you do at any age. Famous people fuck up and they are 50 years old and they aren't as mature as you. And they have everything they could want in life. If your step family abused you , then they weren't acting their age. they just want to blame it on you so they don't have to look in the mirror. Sounds like you carried the weight of the whole family's dysfunction on your back. You deserve a medal in my book. Are you in the UK??

[Hidden in reply to alamagoosa]

Yeah I'm from northern Ireland

[alamagoosa in reply to Hidden]

Davie. I have Irish friends in the US. They said Drinking is a real big problem in Ireland. Is that true?? My uncle is Irish too. His name is Tom Kelly.

[alamagoosa in reply to Hidden]

Northern is Protestant right??

[Hidden in reply to alamagoosa]

Northern Ireland is protestant and catholic. There would be alot of heavy drinkers but I don't touch it. I have felt like it to take away the pain

[alamagoosa in reply to Hidden]

Any drinkers in you family?? Do they have al anon meetings over there?

[Hidden in reply to alamagoosa]

I don't see or hear from my mum or other siblings. I'm on my own with my partner trying to cope with this. I applied for dla and got refused which my partner is angry about because they rather give alcoholics money to drink themselves to death

[alamagoosa in reply to Hidden]

Look up Al Anon UK on Google search. You sound like you need a meeting and some support. They really understand and care about people especially you cause the old-timers take care of the young.

[Hidden]

Hi Davie and welcome to the site.

As people have said you have overcome a huge hurdle by just contacting this site.

No wonder you feel depressed, you haven't had the best start in life have you?

By people telling you to grow up and act your age, doesn't help at all. You need people around you that can listen with judging you.

You are ill and you need help, please try and write your feelings down, as other member's have asked then show them to CPN, she wont judge you, just help you.xx

[Michelle1974]

First I must say you have courage. Doesn't that make you courageous ?

To approach this Forum yourself with such honesty,I think or know you have made a huge step forward.

Keep it up the honesty and the decision to post here was all up to you,I also believe the more you can be honest as I know it's difficult at times, someone will pick up on your feelings and state of mind that you are in whether it's friends ( if you have any ,I don't ) family or even someone on this site and maybe if your feelings are being read it may just make you take a step back and question do you really want to be another family member whom ends taking their life and being another number.

I think you are much stronger than you know keep going and you could be the one who breaks the cycle of suicidal through the family.

I hope I have at least made some sense or may be helped a little

Post again,best wishes

Michelle

X

[Hidden]

Hi sorry I haven't been on in a while. I've tried taking some advice about writing down my feelings and my partner has left me and I seem to be getting worse