Jelousy is taking over !!

[ManchesterGirl97]

I am 17 only child now my best friend has moved in with me n my parents I'm stating to get annoyed with her going in my room n little things like that , I feel asif she's trying to takeover my life my family n I just want to be on my own sometimes everytime I turn around she's there , I wish I didn't feel like this bcos I love her to peices HELP !!

[Hidden]

Hi

As an only child you're not used to having a sibling type around so of course there will be a period of adjustment. It's perfectly natural for you to feel like you do so remember it doesn't make you a bad person. But do remember this so try not to let the frustration build up to the point where you verbally lash out. She is your friend so have a chat with her, but do this when calm and not annoyed with her. If she has a brother or sister perhaps ask her what it's like? I would imagine she has moved in through necessity possibly because of problems with her family? If so maybe she feels the need of constant companionship at the moment because its upsetting and difficult for her? So she may need to be around her friend more so she doesn't fall to pieces but she'll soon work through those issues and get used to a different family's home life.

James

[snow-13]

Try to be a loving and understanding friend. She probably is happy there with you all and thats a nice thing. She would not want to upset you am sure. It is hard because I am sure at first it seemed like a great idea. It won't stay that was forever. So just for today look for the good and try not let the little things niggle at you. The fact you love her as a friend comes first. If you can talk to her saying I love you but I don't know why I feel this way. Always best to talk and you will feel so much better for it. There is obviously a reason she is there and you must have a loving and supporting family which is great. Look at it as a little chapter in your life and hers and make the best of it all but def have a wee chat together x

[ChloeAlex26]

Hey,

i don't know what it must be like to be an only child as i have grown up with 4 other siblings around. However i like my alone time alot, everyone does. Its a part of human nature haha. The best thing to do is just talk to her about it... When i spend longer than a weekend with a friend i need some alone time because its just something you are not used to and its just something that you will learn to adjust to. But i do believe that she may be going through alot too so, maybe if you arranged to have a sit down and a chat every once in a while just so you can get out your problems in the open and discuss how you both are feeling then that can help a bunch!

Hope this helps x

Chloe Alex

[Gambit62]

Can only echo what others have said here.

It would probably be a good idea to talk to your parents as well so they know how you are feeling.

In terms of communication you might find this formula useful.

'when x happens; it makes me feel y; it would help me if z.' ie describe incident, own the feelings as your feelings (and that they aren't a deliberate consequence), focus on finding a solution. In this instance z might just be that you want to talk about things.

try to avoid language that makes it sound personal - know that is difficult but would be a good idea to step back and think about what your feelings are ... and to think of possible solutions that would address those ... and also to be open to suggestions that other people make if they have some alternative ideas.

[WantToChange]

Hi, I would recommend not doing anything rash which will damage your relationship with her. If you hold in the jealousy and frustration it will come out when you least expect and you may say something hurtful etc. You obviously don't want this to happen as you love her. So maybe just explain to her that you've always has time on your own and that you still really need that. So maybe ask if she wouldn't mind leaving you alone to watch a film in your room or something?

[LittleAine29]

Hiya, I think you need to sit your friend down and have a word with her about how you feel perhaps include your parents in this, especially your mum. You are entitled to your own space and that should be sacred to you. It was your home first before your friend arrived to live with you. You don't say why your friend moved in with you. Was she homeless, put out by her parents or a partner, Has she nowhere else to go ? If it is affecting your mental health having her living with you then perhaps she should be making plans to move on. It is your home not hers, she is very much the lodger here and it should be made clear that this is the case. Good luck in getting your own space

back, I know what it is like, I have been there myself and it is not a nice place to be X

[coatpin]

Just explain to her that sometimes you need some space, and times alone,,, if she gets stroppy, its up to her but dont allow anyone to make you feel guilty. As space keeps you sain. Start with I love you to bits, and you know that, but I need some meeee time, or sometimes alone. As your such a valuable friend you would know that

Linda

[CarolineLondon]

Get a shotgun and shoot her, to death...in a nice way

Umm well maybe have a lock up diary or a diary on your phone and rant on there. Try not to bottle it up.

Thing is you may have a chat with her but if she is with you for a long time, months, years, she may slip back into old habits, so you might need to be patient. If you're really close maybe you could find a nice joke that takes the sting out of it but lets you express yourself. You know what makes you both laugh. Call her a 'big baby' for wanting to be with all you the time, tickle her and then walk off saying 'see you in 3 hours and then we can go out and play a game of tennis'.

Most people are okay with giving you time alone if they know they can share your time at some point in the day or the week. I personally am a right pain in the arse and sometimes drive my BF mad, but if I make a joke about it, well we seem to be able to put it behind us. I mean kind jokes of course not sarcastic mean ones.

Or go with the first suggestion and take her out! ...lol...just kidding of course.

x

[coatpin in reply to CarolineLondon]

Thanks for your reply please read my newest posts things have changed dramaticallly.