What is left to be done?

[justfine]

Okay so I'm new here if that have any relevancy. I just don't know what to do. My mom is old and she hates me, no, it's really not about that teenager phase. Everything I do, everything I say, she makes some gestures that make me feel really bad, she's never encouraging me, I m crying everyday, trying to lift myself up, sometimes it works, sometimes I just want to end everything. I m at college and it is really hard for me to stay sane, study with her making me feel worthless. I just feel like packing my stuff and go to another country, get a job and study there, but I have no money for that. I feel really lonely and I just have this feeling that even if I'm doing good, it's still wrong, like I need approval, like I couldn't know without checking somebody else. This is not me and it's been so long since I feel like this that I have no idea how much time I'm gonna bear with it. She doesn't help me making decisions, she kinda never did, she just nodded, made some strange gestures and say like you are an adult now, you do whatever you want. I don't know what to do. She's really old, like a grandma but a mother, the difference between us is of 40 years.

[Lostandwandered]

Hi, it doesn't look like your mother is really upset about you or ashamed of you. It is probably something that is related to her own feelings about herself. Sometimes people just can't explain or express feelings correctly to the ones they love or care about. For example she might think that if she will praise you too often and too much you will stop working hard and will fall down and destroy yourself. I think you should talk to her and to tell her how you feel, but don't push her too hard, try to see her perspective of this whole situation. If even after that she will still be mean to you and you can clearly see that she is a bad person or a toxic person to you, you should just let it go. Just focus on yourself and you goals in life. But still never forget she will always be your mother, she still raised you and it wasn't always easy to her too. In the end you can only try to show a different side of perspective to a person but only he himself can change himself. Try to be patient and remember everything bad will eventually pass, I'm sure you'll graduate with extreme success and will become a person worth of respect.

[justfine in reply to Lostandwandered]

I tried multiple times to talk to her, it's never ending. She's manipulative and mean... ugh... You can't really tell that she's praising me... When I finished highschool with good grades, she wasn;t even talking to me, like nothing, when I got into college, nothing again... I feel all this pressure and I don't believe that I'll stay sane much with her around me... I don't know if I should leave her and the country, go to a different college specialisation, like... I like fashion but law too, I'm at this great university now but I feel that I won't be able to graduate with her here. This university doesn't allow me to get a job and move out because of the extreme amount of work. What would you do?

[Lostandwandered in reply to justfine]

Well first you can always look for some kind of scholarships around the world,or some kind of a studying program. If still moving out isn't an option, don't let that bring you down, keep on studying, don't make your mother's problems destroy your future. You can live with her and still be able to finish you studies. Just don't give her behaviour a lot of attention, remember one thing and keep it with you for the whole time, your success doesn't depend on her, remember that. People sometimes are very negative towards other people for different reasons. You will just have to accept that it is the case with your mother. It doesn't make her a bad person though. But you'll have to stop trying to search approval from her. Tell your goals and hopes and dreams just to those who you know that will support you no matter what. I can promise you only one thing, it will be hard, and you will have to work hard even harder than anyone else. But I know for sure that you will do your best and will succeed. Because if you were ignored and sure that there is no hope for you, you wouldn't have asked for help. So keep your head up and brace yourself in front of this journey, I believe in you!!!!

[justfine in reply to Lostandwandered]

Alright! Thanks! I really needed it. Hope you're doing well!!

[123lu in reply to justfine]

Hi my mum is also mean to me just think old age can make mum get more mean and also jealousy. Don't worry just ignoring helps but dont forget she is your mum so u should still love her.