I sometimes wonder how on earth l made that mistake...getting married!!!! l understand he has a lot of health problems too and support him all the way, it's me on the pc googling all his ailments and giving advice, it's me going with him to drs cos he don't like going alone,it's me who reads all the leaflets in meds just to make sure they are safe for him to take, it's me who ends up so much on the computer for him yet he'l walk past me and moan about me being on the pc YET again and it's pointless saying anything cos he's already walked off like he does almost every time l say anything at all, l've almost stopped talking to him cos he doesn't want to hear it unless of course it's about HIM, l ask him several times a day how is feeling, we've been married just over a year and he's asked me the same about 3 times.....l am just so fed up today, l guess you can tell!!!
New on here thro am on other groups d... - Mental Health Sup...
New on here thro am on other groups due to health problems. Am here because of my hubby...
having lived with someone with serious health problems who didn't want to discuss it, I appreciate how difficult it can be. I too spent time on books, leaflets, forums but he didn't really want to deal with it that way. I have to admit to giving up to asking and trying to keep up in the end - then I felt like I acted like I didn't care and maybe it was easier not to in the end - and pretend it wasn't a big deal. He wouldn't really ever want to talk about it or say how things had gone at appointments, but he also bore his illness stoically without much complaint which is more than I ever would have done. All I can say is that we lacked sitting down, face to face time, making sure we communicated properly - and I wish we had, so maybe it's worth trying to find out what he'd like you to do and also try and make him appreciate how it affects you too and how you feel? easier said than done though, don't know if that's any help!
Many Thanks catmac25, hubby is not quite the same l am afraid, he moans and groans all day every day about all his problems and then when l try to help he does'nt want it, he moaned so much for past 2 weeks about his shoulder pain and l kept telling him he must go to drs to at least find the cause of it but he would'nt go, finally got him there yesterday!!!. He must be one of those people that is just not happy unless they have got something to moan about l guess!!!. l said to him the other night that l think he sees his cup as being half empty and l see mine as half full, he knows he has to focus on the positive but then he does the opposite...everytime!!!! l get so exasperated now!!!!
no, not quite the same then! Sounds quite draining, let's hope he gets the shoulder sorted out then
Some people don't want answers, they just want to complain. Stop playing that game with him coz it's obviously stressing you out. It is his health and his responsibility not yours. Get a little bit hard hearted and tell him to go to the doctors or shut up! You want a marriage to a man not a whining child. Tell him that too! x
Many thanks coughalot!!! had to smile reading your reply!!! l think he must be schizophrenic or something, he's had a hospital appt today, gone on his own and brings me back a box of choccies!! no l cannot be bought off with a mere box of choccies but l ask you, he's like a different person today!!!! aggghhhhhrrrrrr again!!! you're right l should NOT play the game, it's difficult deciding just which bit is a 'game' cos he does have problems and he does need help, but l am going to put myself first a little more cos l too have health problems which seem to be of no concern to him wahatsoever so ...it's now going to be ME,Him,Me,Him and not Him,Him,Him,me.All support has been very gratefully received!
Hi. My mother is very similar to your husband. All she ever does is complain about one thing or another. When I try to help her, she says I did not ask you to help me. I finally had enough of her, and have cut off contact with her. She is a selfish witch, and only cares about herself.
she never asks me how I am feeling, and if I tell her about something wrong with me, she says that she has the same thing, or when she was my age, she was doing better than me. I cant stand her, and I really could care less about her anymore. She is a poor excuse for a mother! I know it is a different relationship then a husband, but if I were you, I would just let him be miserable, and start doing things for yourself! Life is too short to unhappy because of another person! Hand him the computer and tell him to look it up himself!
online divorce is to easy get it done.
But while your doing that, you can look into why you felt the NEED to be a Carer Without pay!! get a job, doing it, a lot more worthwhile, and you get paid,,, £10 per hour!!!
Co depentant,,,ancy,,,, go to the book shop and do some work on yourself. Come off the computer, go out and enjoy yourself. You dont need to help this person anymore!!!! it is up to him, hes not interested, hes just interested in his self absorbed life (depressed) your the enabler.
So branch away, and dont get pulled into his mental sickness plus all the other stuff. Otherwise you might get locked into this mess, and end up getting depressed yourself ,,, you cant save him!! but you can save yourself!!
Now married for over thirty years, medical condition has been persistent now for about twenty years.
Understandably I now feel that all my disabilities have been discussed and sadly an ongoing problem.
Now I will discuss my condition with my wife when I go for tests and treatment,although now she looks after my medications because of a suicide attempt several years ago. We do not discuss my condition on a regular basis.
we have reached a place where like marriage over time we do not discuss been married we just get on with it
With my depression it is reactive to another condition so I research and learn about my problems We both know my abilities and live around them.
Over the last six years I have been a volunteer with LINK a task force run by the NHS and now I have been accepted for Healthwatch that deals with Patient Concerns in Mental Health etc. Yes I have Depression, and I am a patient although my interest in mental health gives something back to a system that has looked after my needs for many years. I do not dwell on my condition. Yes I feel low and moody although what I do now help me understand other people with the same type of problems.
BOB
Wanting to give up
How do I get out 
Breaking up... hard time.. any advise!
Expecting too much from marriage?
Why Can't I leave him?!
