Dating a guy with children.

[Annetta25]

Hi there I am 25 an dating a guy who is 35 an has 3 children. He doesn't live with the children but he has regular contact on a weekly basis and I just wanted to know how to adjust to this. I have one child myself from a previous relationship who lives with his dad at the moment because I am waiting for an operation an am unable to look after him at the moment due to these health issues iam experiencing. I feel that after 5 months of dating that I have found the man of my dreams an would like to take our relationship further I just wante to know how to adjust to this as I've never dated a guy with kids before, and also what happens when we make the decision to take our relationship further for example move in together.

[Suzie40]

I guess you'll need to ok with the fact that they'll always be a priority for him, and not all women can handle that. Do you have contact with your child? How does he cope with that? My ex had two boys, who he saw every Saturday. At first things went really well, and I built up a good relationship with them. However the problems started when we had a child together and they became really jealous. If you get a place together, you'll have to share that space with his children, and that's not easy when they're not your own. I would suggest you don't worry too much at the moment. Five months is early days in a relationship. Enjoy getting to know each other and having fun before you worry about the serious stuff!

[Annetta25 in reply to Suzie40]

Thank you for your response n I found your message very comforting. I don't really have contact with my child at the moment because my sons dad is not allowing me to see him because of his own selfish reasons. I didn't think about the possibility that his children could be jealous of us having a baby together or living together. I really like this guy an the fact that I'm ill scares me sometimes because I don't want that to hinder our relationship but so far so good. He said that it's just upsetting because he knows I need him around when I find it hard to manage ect an sometimes he cannot be there. I don't really have the support an he said he wants us to work an hopefully have a child of our own one day but I'm scared I won't be able to. For now I'm trying my best to enjoy what we do have together an hoping for the future but it all gets the better of me sometimes an I'm scared of him leaving.

[Hidden]

Start reading some of the books on step-parenting. Also decide what YOU want regarding sharing parenting.

I do not consider myself a step-mother even though I've been around my partners girls for years, it is their choice to define our relationship and they don't want me as a mother. If I'm the only adult present I am responsible for them but make no decisions with lasting consequences - it's "let's talk to Dad about that". My partner mostly discusses big decisions with me, but if he doesn't, I never criticise his decision in front of the kids...his kids are raised his way - but I have no kids so it helps

[Suzie40 in reply to Hidden]

That's such good advice x

[Annetta25 in reply to Hidden]

That sounds great I will look into that. I was just a bit confused on the stages when your dating an he has to go an spend time with his daughter. I never get jealous of that I don't have any issues with it either because she is his main priority ( he has weekly contact with his youngest daughter ) the other two he doesn't see that much. It's just because I'm ill ( have endometriosis ) at times I really want him to stay for the week but he has commitments. Plus he lives at home with his mum because finically it is more convenient right now an he also has contact with his child's mum who I fear wants him back an I get scared thinking he might go back with her but he promised me he is not having sex with her an wouldn't cheat on me also that he is happy with me an just wants me to get better. Am I worrying to much.?

[Hidden in reply to Annetta25]

My experience is exes are exes for a reason, and if he left her, then that door is closed. My partners ex-wife still tries the guilt and the "but I still love you" nearly 4.5 years later but her actions are still the same as before - not working with him in best interests of the kids, so at least his girls see a proper respectful and functional relationship when they visit us.

[Annetta25 in reply to Hidden]

Yeah that's true, I guess it's my own insecurity plus I'm 25 an haven't had a lot of experience with dating I've only ever had 2 serious relationships an neither had any children. Glad that your partner is putting his daughters first and you. Thanks for your help x

[Suzie40]

What makes you think that she wants to get back with him? X

[Annetta25 in reply to Suzie40]

I guess because he goes over to her house to pick up his daughter, an he told me in the past she tried to come on to him, but he reassured me that he doesn't believe in cheating an he respects me to much an told her his with someone know so I'm not to worried anymore but it comes to mind from time to time. I'm learning to trust him an his actions show me that he is a gentle man. We speak on the phone throughoutt the day an text on what's app maybe even to much. He checks on me to see how I am with my endo an have accompanied me numerous times to the hospital an stays over at least 3 times a week aswell as takes me out on dates n to meet his family an friends. I could be over thinking but I wanted to share this with you all as it was on my mind an a real concern.