I last posted on here in September when my son left for Uni. I was extremely low and the only solace I could find was at the bottom of a wine bottle in the evenings. Not ideal for someone with long term depression and anxiety and taking anti-depressants! I didn't think I could sink any lower. I just didn't care anymore. What was the meaning of it all?
I split up with my partner nearly 2 years ago and though I have always been depressed and anxious (emotionally abusive father and one stressful thing after another) it was a downward spiral after that point. I pressed the self-destruct button and in hindsight I think the alcohol abuse was a way of intentionally slowly killing myself.
I became puffy and bloated and the weight piled on.I hated what I saw in the mirror but I just didn't care.
A couple of weeks ago I'm not sure what happened. I woke up as miserable as ever, moped around for a bit and then thought, 'no' this has got to stop. Put on my trainers, went down to the gym (first time in 2 years!) and ran for 20 mins on the treadmill. That surprised me as I thought I was really unfit. I felt so much better after that so I did a one hour body pump class (all over body workout lifting weights to music) that evening. Since then I have changed my diet, eating about 6 small meals a day, lots of protein (bit like a bodybuilder's diet) and doing 3 -4 pump classes a week plus lots of cardio in-between. Ditched the alcohol too!
The weight is melting off and I can't describe how much my mood has lifted. I think eating small meals regularly really does help as well as eating protein with every meal. Also protein shakes. For the last 3 months I have also been taking a wonderful powder from Holland & Barret called Total Nutrition Superfood which is basically a complete nutritional formula which contains all known essential nutrients (all the vitamin groups, minerals, naturally occurring enzymes, phytonutrients, amino acids, Omegas etc). My nails have always been weak and split and peel but now they are so long I have to cut them! This stuff is a god-send and no I don't work for H & B. I also sprinkle Flaxseed on my porridge each morning.
I feel like a different person. I'm up early every day now and have so much energy and enthusiasm and for the first time am thinking about ditching the anti-depressants, though I know I will need to consult my GP about that. The thing is I know it's so hard when you're feeling low to muster the energy and motivation to exercise but it really does work. The more you get the blood pumping and the heart beating the better you feel. As is what you put into your body. Something as simple as a lack of Vitamin B can affect your mood. And the good thing is whilst you are exercising you are focused on something other than all those things that drag us down. And that 'high' you get after a good sweaty work-out really is addictive. You don't have to join an expensive gym either - walking is free, use bottles of water etc in place of weights at home, put on an exercise DVD, walk up and down the stairs...
It's only been a few weeks but hopefully I can continue with this diet and exercise regime. I think back and think of all the years I have wasted to this 'black beast'. Well, I am NOT going to let it get the better of me - it is IT'S face I will see when I pound the punch bag tonight!
Im struggling with my life, someone please help me
I feel trapped cannot find a way out
Almost back to normal
