needed to chat


ive been having panic attacks again, today is the worst. I used to have them in my 20's and was prescribed betablockers; they worked at keeping me calm but when I was naturally relaxed and calm they made me feel light headed. I eventually came off them and learnt to ease my panic attacks and " talk" to myself to calm down.

over the last few months they are becoming more intense and today I had a full blown attack, I still feel odd, shakey and weak. just wanted to talk to someone as I know my husband wouldn't understand. I have low confidence and put on "my mask" for work but I phoned in sick today,i couldn't face it.

I avoid social events as much as possible as I feel I cannot compete with other people, I just want to curl up and hide. I have a lot going on at home right now including money worries, I cant see a way out as we are not entitled to financial help, my friend has been diagnosed with stomach and liver cancer,his only hope is chemo as the tumor is too advanced and in wrong place for surgery, I am currently begging rescue centres to home his little dog as he can no longer care for him, but over 10 have turned me down. I cannot take him as my tenancy only permits 2 dogs.

just need to share some of my burden, sorry x


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6 Replies

  • Hi. I am 66 years old and it is like we are the same, I too have been on beta blockers but when at rest my blood pressure dropped very low and they didn,t really help so I stopped them. I have been like this since I was 28 years old, I get good days and bad days still. I have worked all my life and brought up 3 children. I know its no consolation but keep positive that is what I say to myself. Your money problems do not help your situation either, I found going to work took my mind off everything, now I,m retired I tend to sit and think about my anxiety so it makes it worse. Ann I live outside London where do you live? I am from Wales originally!

  • hello delithnmck1,

    I live in Essex, im now 41 and I too have two children. ive always worked either part or full time depending on my kiddies ages so either me or my hubby was home to care for them. I have always been a anxious person but always seem to cope ok. I have SLE (lupus) so I can now work only part time due to mainly fatigue and joint pain. I do enjoy my work once im there but its the build up to going lately,i know that sounds silly. x

  • Hello! yes I live in Romford Essex, I have had joint pain for over 35 years and tinnitus,indigestion all minor things I am not going to die of, I hide my depression and anxiety because I am a proud person but sometimes I go through hell. I have had 2 major breakdowns the last in 2003, I think we just have to learn to live with depression and anxiety, but I wouldn,t wish it on anyone. I feel for you deeply. Ann

  • lupus is a nitemare to live with as its a hidden illness and can change my symtoms from day to day. its difficult explaining to people when I "look well" ive learnt to live with the snidey catty remarks that im lazy. im not I have to pace myself so I don't use all my daily spoons in one go x

  • Really sorry to hear about everything - lot of tough things to deal with so you are doing well even if it doesn't feel as if you do.

    When I have a panic attack - really rare but did have some earlier this year - I try to go outside my head and look at what is going on around me and if I see something in the environment and notice myself feeling a little calmer then I focus on that - the colour green is a really good example.

    Hope that you are feeling a bit better now.

  • i had a breakdown in 2005, it took me 18 mths to literally be strong enough to get out of bed and face the world again. I too try and hide my depression, only my family and close work friends know. thankyou ann and gambit62 for your kind words and support x

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