And the day begins. . .

[Cookie84]

Today's the day.

Time to put on a 'mask' and get through the day.

It's going to be a long one.

Trying to be someone I am not is so very tiring.

Want to hide under the duvet til it all goes away . . .

[Adorable1]

Morning cookie

It is exhausting being someone you are not. I have to do it too at times....they say it's easier just to tell people but I'm afraid I'm not ready for that yet.

I'm thinking of you and understand your dread....I can't help think it may not be as bad as you think...I guess I'm hoping it isn't as bad as you think it's going to be.

Sometimes to listen to some music that inspires me helps.

Much love

Sue xxxx

[Adorable1]

Forgot to say, when I am in a situation like that, I busy myself in the kitchen, that's so so don't have to mingle and chat...I prefer it....

Xxxx

[Cookie84]

Thank you sue

I am hoping the children are my distraction, and that mother doesn't take credit for them as she hasn't even been there for us.

Today feels like a mountain that I can't climb.

Mother know I've been struggling but doesn't really acknowledge it and turns the conversation back to here about her health. . .

Hubby's my rock. . . I'm hoping he is strong enough for us both as I feel I will be needing a lot today. . .

[Adorable1 in reply to Cookie84]

Thinking of you...doesn't matter what your mum tries to do people will see they are your children...people see more than you think...it's lovely you have your hubby to support you.

Xx

[Suzie40]

Hi Cookie

I agree with Sue about busying yourself with something. Although if I took to the kitchen it could well meet with quite disastrous consequences! I have lived a double life for over ten years. As you say, pretending to be something I am not, rather than telling people who I actually am. Having said that, I am starting, very slowly, to tell the world about my depression. Just tiny little bits, here and there, to carefully chosen people. It does help and people are less judgemental than I thought.

Let your kids occupy you. Mine have already presented me with a list of places they need to be today - swimming, football, playmates. I haven't got time to be depressed today!

Have a good one where you can x

[ThemysciraDrive]

Hey cookie. The day always looks tough from the morning. Take it piece by piece and it'll slowly get easier.

Sometimes I find it helps to put aside some time in the day, usually late on, to just be alone with myself and not have to put the mask up. That's something to look forward to, a break from the effort, that can help to pull you through.

I hope it's going ok.

[Jeffju]

Mornings are always worst as we look at the day looming ahead of us. Try taking small steps at a time to get you through your day and if you need to be alone for a while , well find somewhere quiet and try and relax a little. Being strong and facing this world is hard work and WE are strong people. You will get through this day and survive .. All the very best. Julie xx

[Adorable1]

Hey, I'm guessing it will all be well over now....hope it wasn't too bad, I guess you will be exhausted..

Hope you coped ok

Sue xx

[Gambit62]

Hope it went well and you are now able to relax.

[Cookie84]

Thankfully i made it through.

A friend i had confided in came to mine and we all went together. She stayed with me all the time. Very thankful to her, she is amazing.

Mother didnt really pay much attention to any of us. . . We were just like normal guests instead of family. . . She didnt even ask us to do the cake instead she walked past us to ask the dj to come and ask us. . . Unbelievable...

She didnt thank us on the night but fb me the next morning.

So glad its over.

If she was anyone else i would have dropped her out of my life ages ago. . . .

[Adorable1 in reply to Cookie84]

I'm glad that's over for you. I'm guessing there is lots of background information about your mum. Have you ever tried to tell her how you feel?

Sue xx

[Gambit62 in reply to Cookie84]

So understand what you mean when you say you would have dropped your mother out of your life ages ago if she wasn't your mother. Well done for managing to get through the party and good of your friend to support you.

Its all so hard when it comes from a sense of duty.

My big problem with my mother is just random outbursts of anger whilst I was growing up and being continually criticised. It wasn't until a friend of hers said how proud my mother was of me when I was in my 20's that I ever realised she had a good word to say about me. We are very different people and there has never really been that bond of understanding that I had with my father. It was good to find out about 10 years ago that my brother has problems with my mother though they are different - she's very clingy where he is concerned and always does completely helpless and expecting to be waited on hand and foot when she stays with him ... His response to the anger was always just to ignore it whereas it always completely destroyed me. His response to the helplessness is to more or less ignore it as well ... works for him but drives his wife nuts - so she's never allowed to stay more than a couple of days.

I tried telling my mother how I felt in my 20s - it cleared the air a bit for me - and I think that I've done all I can about the relationship - but I don't think it really changed things. There was a period after my father died when I didn't really speak to her at all because she was really horrible to me after he died - came to the conclusion that her way of expressing affection to me was through anger and seeing how far she could push me in the hope that things would snap and everything would become lovey-dovey. Guess I feel sorry for her as much as everything else - though she is so frustrating - particularly the strategies she uses for covering up the fact that her memory is going. I usually try to take a deep mental breath and shrug it off, and make sure that I spend as little time with her as I feel I can really get away with.