feeling down from nine months...

i am getting depression attacks,suicidal thoughts from several months...no one understands me...my behavior is getting worse day by day...i am getting easily irritated by small things...i do not love myself nor my family...i consider myself unfit for any relation...i ruined my relation with sister...i am missing her but can't talk to her...my impracticality always lead me to pain and loneliness....my selfless love is of no use...coz i can't get anyone who can be with me for entire lifetime....i would have shot myself if i had a gun...i consider myself as a loser...a person full of negativity....i hate myself but i love my sister...

i am all alone...

[ThemysciraDrive]

Hello. I understand how you feel. You're not unfit, or a loser, you're a lovely person in an unforgiving world.

Sorry to hear you miss your sister. Every problem has an answer though - sometimes it takes someone else to help you see it. Do you feel able to talk about what happened with your sister?

I am very glad you don't have a gun - because it means you are still here and I have the chance to get to know you. You're not alone, everyone here has felt exactly the same as you do.

[looking-glass34]

Hi your not alone, we may be anonymous messages on a screen but we do care. I for one will be thinking about you today and hoping your ok. Please talk to your sister, sisters are different to friends, it does nt matter how far you think you ve pushed her away shes still your sister xx

[Hidden]

due to work my parents did not give us much time...my mother is aggressive..she gets angry easily...she had beaten me several times...she beats me till now...so i am not much attached to her...i used to spend time with my friends...i was a cheerful person until i left school..after joining college i became reserved...in last year i found my lovely sister...we loved each other..before her i met someone...and that relation was also a failure...it took several months for me to recover from that until i met her....we loved each other selflessly..our relation continued great till sh did not get engaged.i was not happy..as i found someone who loved me and cared for me...she knew i was possessive about her...and i do not want to share her...slowly and slowly my behavior started irritating her...she stopped talking to me..and attending to my phone calls..for 3 months...she knew i can't live without her...it started affecting me...my exams were near.and i performed bad in the exams as a result...i did not go to her marriage....i cried for two days regularly...i tried to commit suicide but couldn't..i know i was wrong but i was unable to help myself...now i miss her...i love her more than myself...i cry daily in my bed...coz nobody can feel my pain...no one can understand the situation which i am going through...i do not want to loose her...it was my second relation which i had lost..now i consider myself as a loser...a person who can't withstand or hold any relation for a long time...

[gardengnome in reply to Hidden]

sounds like your sister is unhappy with the intensity of the relationship you want, if you want to keep a life long connection to her you need to play by her rules and step back.

You mention your mother, if your parents did not support you when growing up it is understandable that grown up relationships are just going to be harder work for you with friends or girl friends now.

Try to experiment with how relationships develop at work or college, watch how other people develop friendships that are succsessful. Remember how you managed to get good relationships with friends at school, prove to yourself you are not a loser,and work at new friendships, if neccerssary use text book techniques to guide you back into the habit of forming friendships, it may take a while before relationships are easier to handle, like driving it is a skill to learn and practice, and yes just like driving there is the occassional crash,

[Hidden]

should i say sorry to my sister and tell her about my commiting suicide before meeting her..?? She wil understand my problems?

[Gambit62]

It would be good if you could make contact with your sister again but I probably wouldn't tell her about the suicide attempts - at least not until you are really back in contact with her and feel that she has started to understand where you are - I have also replied to your other blog on loneliness and suggested some materials produced by the WHO that might help you to talk to people around you about what is going on.

It is very difficult to let go of people that we are very close to.

Sometimes people make the parallel to clutching a precious bird - if you hold it too tight then you suffocate the bird - but to really let it grow you have to let it go and fly.