Today has been strange, so very different from other days.
Today I let do of the man (ex-therapist) I have been writing to on and off for 23 years. I didn't think I would ever do it, but this morning I sat down to write goodbye to him and had just finished when the postman delivered his letter saying he thought it would be better for me if we didn't exchange letters any more. How uncanny is that. He is absolutely right, I had come to the same decision for the same reasons. Now I will have a gap in my life which in time I will fill with different things, perhaps express myself and my feelings within my art.
Today's been strange in other ways too, momentous really. I've been stuck in self-pity for months now, well on and off for years, ever since I felt let down by life, but today I seem to have broken free. I wonder can it last and yet feel it can and that it will, because I feel in a different frame of mind. Therapy has suddenly become useful because of the shift in me and I am letting go of certain childhood feelings. Raging on here yesterday helped too, as did responses that just said hello, they were great, really helpful. This morning I phoned the local Mind and after a chat they suggested I might volunteer as a befriender, which I've done, they said getting involved in a general way would meet my needs too for more social connections locally, they do sound a very friendly and non-judgemental bunch. Then I phoned my old art teacher (old in the sense of time, not her age!) to ask whether she is currently running any classes which she is not, but she did say she often thinks of things she's like to do but has no one to do them with during the day and why not get together. We arranged to walk her dog together in the local park, but she didn't turn up because she remembered my address as somewhere else. Once we were in contact we really laughed about that, her pacing up and down one road wondering why she couldn't find my house and me waiting by the front gate wondering why she wasn't arriving. We were really bubbly in our shared laughter about that! I've had some of my photos accepted for an exhibition starting next week and we've arranged that she will come over with me when I hang them and then we'll have coffee. Things are looking up. I've also just volunteered for a local counselling/support service. That's enough for one day I think or I'll be too busy!
What a good day. I haven't eaten well, didn't even notice I was hungry until 3pm when I had an appointment with my GP who's doing lots of blood tests for various things. Other than that it's been great.
I just thought I would share that with you all. Thanks again for the positive support.
Suexx
Commitment phobic nightmare.
Being good or a fool?
