Sorry....The word ive been waiting to hear for so long....too long...

[Lush__x]

I went to see my ex yesterday, i think because another boy has been kind of interested ive not been fussed about my ex and been feeling good about myself again. Felt angry everytime i thought of the way he treated me and started to think i was actually coming close to being over him completly.

I guess i wanted to see him to rub in how happy i was now, and what he lost.

Anyway it felt a bit awkward, felt like i was really having to make an effort to think of things to say to avoid any silences. then came the question from him "have you been seeing anybody?"

so i replied with a yes ive been sort of seeing this guy ive known for years.

Its safe to say he was annoyed by this fact. he thought we was meeting up to discuss getting back together. i said how could we ever do that when nothing had been resolved.

i asked him if had been with anyone else? in which he told me it was none of my business and didnt matter as we wasnt getting back together. Then he said something dispicable about casual sex which i wont repeat but basically sounded like he had been sleeping around.

This bothered me and still does. makes me feel sick.

We started to talk about our relationship, i told him he seemed to change when i went to uni and was so angry about everything.

He explained it was because he couldnt handle the long distance but loved me too much to let me go.

i told him he should have put me out of my misery and not make me endure the horribleness that was the time between october and march.

Its weird i kind of felt like i had a bit of closure on how he treated me.

I asked him if we could hug goodbye and we did, he was clearly upset, so i felt bad then.

Ive just recieved a text off him now to say how sorry he is for the way he treated me towards the end. he said i didnt deserve it and i was a good girlfriend despite the way he treated me. he said he didnt want to stop hugging yesterday and he misses being with me. and he hopes im happy.

i felt quite emotional in reading this. i just have an over whelming urge to go see him and talk more. dont no if its just the last 3+ months being relised from me and hearing the words "im sorry"

ive always been under the impression he thought he was right and wasnt sorry for anything he had done.

so confused now.

the lad im seeing (sort of now) wont last i dont think, it doesnt make me happy really, its just confusing and a bit hot and cold. ive been scared about breaking it off i think because then i have nothing, not that its much of anything anyway. and i dont no if its my imagination or if it is how i see it etc.

Just needed to vent....

[Hidden]

Hi

A lot's been going on for you in terms of emotional changes since seeing your ex so maybe you just need to let time pass for things to settle down. You don't have to make decisions or choose between one lad and the other - life's full of opportunities and if you make an enjoyable life for yourself you may find you meet someone different from either of them and really good for you. Why not put less energy into thinking about the relationships and more into what you want to do with YOUR life? Where would you like to be in five years time, what would you really like to be doing if you could do it? Once you work that out then you will be making your life and not depending upon someone else for a sense of being happy. Only then will you be able to take yourself into a relationship and know whether the other person is right for you.

Suexx

[Photogeek]

Hi, its good that you were able to be honest with your ex. Its natural to feel " oh maybe he is not too bad" " I miss him" , these are all natural things to feel. Do not put yourself under pressure to be in a relationship, you need to build yourself up and build your confidence up.

You are young, and have a good life ahead of you, so take heart and take care of yourself now, stay strong you are doing ok.

Love

Hannah

[Hidden]

Hi

I'm wondering how things are for you now?

Suex

[Lush__x in reply to Hidden]

Hi Sue...everything you said makes perfect sense its just that for some reason, I am unable to get past the fact of ending up alone. I know on my future I want to settle down with someone and have a kid. Obviously I want a career too and thats always been number 1 priority. But I think because all my mates have found someone and settled down and because I was so close to having all that (I wasnt really bothered about all this before I met my ex) I kind of feel time is running out for me.

Me and my ex have talked since and plan on meeting up again soon, we both no that it may not work etc and nothing may not come out of it and obviously theres ALOT of issues that need looking into 1st. But we will see. Ive not told anyone this as all my friends would be furious. I feel a bit weak just saying all this really.

I dont no whats for the best any more sue

Xxx

[Photogeek]

Hi there, just saying hello, hope you are ok. Just try not to project too far into the future, with every month that passes you will get stronger. Then you can see what you want in the future. Remember you are young , and have all your life to look forward to.

X Hannah