Feeling ugly, stressed and now ive been ill for 4 weeks

Ive gained weight throughout an emotional and violent relationship from 2008 to 2011. I now weight a huge 14 stone and wear size 18 clothes when originally I was a nice size 8/10 weighting probably about 9 stone but declared healthy by doctors upon every visit for sickness etc.

Now when I look in the mirror I just see the fat bulges on my face and around my body. Ive never been pregnant yet my stomach and waist is covered in stretch marks.

I feel hideous in front of my boyfriend. I feel hideous in the mirror. No matter how many times my boyfriend will say that Im beautiful and gorgeous - I cant believe him.

About 4 weeks ago, I got a cold which developed into flu.....4 weeks on im still struggling from it and now ive started getting mini nose bleeds. Ive tried getting help from the doctors surgery but the receptionist advised me that I wasnt to come into the surgery incase I infect other people. So I cant go to the pharmacy and get any medicine without a prescription but then I cant get a prescription because the receptionist told me to stay away from the surgery.

Whats the point of the doctors? Over paid people who sit in a chair judging you and making you feel smaller than anyone else ever has. Ive tried councelling and it didnt help.

I dont know what to do.

Honestly, I just want to leave the world quietly and painlessly, but I love my boyfriend too much. There are times im confident that if he left me or anything happened to him.....I wouldnt have a reason not to die.

6 Replies

  • You can go into a chemist and buy flu remedies without a prescription. Antibiotics won't help flu anyway unless something has developed into an infection. If you think you need to see a GP, the reveptionist cannot stop you. If they are worried about contamination, ask for a private room to wait in, or a home visit.

    I don't know about wanting to die. I don't know what the answers are sorry x

  • Hi Suzie,

    Thanks for your response.

    I know about getting flu remedies and thats not the problem. Ive rung my doctors so many times for this low feeling, I think theyre convinced ill do something stupid.

    Ill try ringing later today and just say its personal can I see a doctor please. Youre right they cant legally do that but the problem is they have and they persist on doing so.

    Ill keep you guys updated on that situation.

    Unfortunately in life there are never simple answers or the answers are never clear and thats the problem.

    Thanks for your feedback though - i appreciate it x

  • Hi

    I'm sorry life has been so tough for you. Choosing violent relationships usually goes back to having learned earlier in life to take the victim role, so perhaps you had an abusive childhood which will have made life hard for you.

    Maybe this will sound drastic, but you may benefit from asking your GP to refer you to the local CMHT team. They may see you and be able to offer you some support, possibly advice and may refer you on to specialist support and/or therapy groups for people who become involved in violent relationships. Counselling can be helpful but often where problems are deep-seated the person needs longer term work and that is hardly available now on the NHS. The other alternative would be to google and fine voluntary organisations that deal with domestic violence or abuse and get counselling that way, sometimes groups can be longer term and very supportive.

    In terms of medication and your current ill health I agree with the previous blogger, you have a right to go to the surgery and for them to provide a separate room. Do you have a local walk in centre, that's the alternative and I find staff at my local centre have more time and are thorough and caring, you do have to waitto be seen but it's worth it.

    Wanting to die can be a natural response to feeling helpless, but do hang on in there as there are sources of help out there, it just takes perseverance to find them! Do come back to the website, people here will care which can be helpful


  • Hi Sue,

    Ive had councelling for different issues for over 6 years on and off. It has never helped me. Ive tried the medication and that didnt work either - I gave it a good 6 months in my system before I quit it.

    I dont know what options I have left. Sometimes my friends used to joke I would end up in a mental ward and sometimes now, I believe them. Its a scary thought and I dont want to ever end up in a mental ward.

    Is there anything else available to me that could work. As I stated in my reply to previous post, ill call doctors today and see what I can arrange.

    Ill update on here.

    Thanks for your response as well :) x

  • You certainly have a right to see your GP and if they suspect that you are at risk of harming yourself, this is even more reason for them to see you. It is likely that you are no longer infectious now.

    You had 6 months on medication, but there are a number of different types. Many people need to try more than one, and it is worth considering an alternative one. Equally, with counselling, different counsellors have differing methods and personality types, and it is probable that you could find one with whom you can work things through.

    It is good to have a list of helplines - even programmed into your telephone, such as the Samaritans, which you can call if you feel at risk.

    Take care.



  • When you ring the doctors and speak to the receptionist you dont have to discuss your problems with her.Just say it is private and you need to discuss something with your GP.Good luck

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