Feeling iscolated

[griffin510]

Hi this is my first time on here so im a little scared, ive been suffering with depression for many years although my family are very supportive i feel so iscolated and alone sometimes i dont want to get out of bed i feel like running away everyday but ive got children so i feel trapped even though i love them more than anything in the world and i worry about the effect my illness will have on them now and in the future i just want to cry and cry

[Hidden]

Welcome griffin...

You will find everyone here is very supportive

I'm like you I feel isolated too at times..it can be a lonely illness.....this site and the lovely people on it has helped me a lot since I came on here 3 months ago.....there always seems to be someone who knows something about what you are experiencing .....

I hope you find it useful.

It is sometimes difficult to say anything when you don't know the bigger picture...you say you have a supportive family that is great!!! Although it can still be lonely as those close to us don't always understand....

Look forward to chatting in the future..

Sue x

[Aurora-auspice]

Dearest Griffin,

I am sorry you feel so distressed and totally commiserate! You sound as if you are in a pretty overwhelming depressive experience and isolation is always a major influence on intensity! The problem with isolation is that it is not always physical or biological, you can be surrounded by loving people family and friends and still FEEL totally alone because loneliness in those cases can be totally perception ......... People just don't seem to understand the individual circumstances and how you personally experience them!

Posting on this site is a fabulous step because there are so many people not only experiencing the same but with the compassion to help and support each other! It helps so much! It can help you feel that you are not alone!!!

However, there always is a BUT to everything it seems, it is important you talk to your doctor and if necessary consider anti-depressants and or counselling.

I am the daughter of a severely depressed woman who struggled through without help or support and when I first started suffering severe depression and anxiety they tried to say that it was a result of abuse from that experience which I kept saying was rubbish and now 7 years with a GOOD psychologist has them seeing that I was right!

I said in a response yesterday and I so hope I didn't offend anyone by saying it but keeping the struggles hidden is not good for the sufferer or those around them!!!

Children in the safety and support of their families can learn a VALUABLE life and independence lesson in experiencing depression in a family member who takes a reasoned rational and healthy adult series of coping strategies to overcome this debilitating illness!!!

Children observe and learn things you cannot even register is happening!!! They are like "super-sleuths" as sensitive as prey animals that pick up on the smallest body language to survive ('TELLS' they term it in gambling, interrogation and in psychology it is a study quantified by F.A.C.S which stands for Facial Action Coding System). It is innate because as children we are weak and vulnerable and have to be sensitive to things that might warn us of impending danger!!!

The extremely unfortunate side of this amazing ability that we often lose as adults, is that as children there is no 'DATABASE' of experience, meanings and understandings; JUST an amazing capacity to put two and two together and make twenty two which often relates to finding a reason that makes them believe that it is their fault and they either act out, withdraw or become surprisingly helpfull and desperate to please!

If instead of allowing this to happen things are explained, not in graphic detail but in a way that gives understanding and then they observe the process, getting help from supportive network, the doctor, counselling and adjustment of lifestyle and then the progressive I improvement of the sufferer no matter how long it takes then what do they Learn?

They learn that depression is a wicked debilitating illness that produces debilitating intense sadness and loss of function, and it can hit the strongest most capable people in society like their own parent even both parents at times; but that there is a way through it with the right support and that once you understand it there are ways to protect yourself, things in life to manage better and ways to look after yourself better even in the direst moments and situations!!!

My Mother is the most amazing person even though she suffered so much trauma, violence, abandonment and loss which led to horrific depression and over protective restriction and discipline for me and she was emotionally unavailable to me! She finally managed to get counselling last year at over 80 yrs and the counsellor when the course was over (pitiably short) sees her free of charge in her own time now because she is a really special person!

Surprisingly enough she is finally starting to improve in self-esteem, and fight for even begin to achieve her dreams!

I hope one day I am even half as capable as her and your children can feel the same!!!

Much love, hugs and best of wishes for your successful fight

Aurora xxxx

[Golfer15]

Hi griffin

I also totally empathise with you. I have depression which I have had for years. I have a family who are supportive but don't really understand. Everyone here is supportive and they understand. I have had counselling and cbt also on medication which I suggest if you haven't done this.

I too find getting up hard to do and find this an effort every day. My wife said to me yesterday morning 'whats wrong, you arent ill are you'. Its not her fault but there is so much ignorance about depression. It is just something we live with.

Keep in touch. Don't give up. It gets better - at times.

David

[griffin510 in reply to Golfer15]

Dear David thank you for replying to my message it seems like you do understand how i feel which does help.Last night i was so close to ending my life id just had enough and wanted to give up,i felt if i did all this would go away and i could be at peace

[Jeffju]

You are a very important person to your children and they need you. I worked with children for many years and it is amazing the capacity they have to get on with life when things are not right around them . I am sure that you do your very best for them so please don't think about ending it all as that is something they would never get over. They btruly need you. You should go to your GP and explain how you feel and they will be able to help you.And ccome back onto this site and write away, there are people on here wwho know how you feel and are very supportive. You are special and unique, get some help now. xxx

[Hidden]

Hi

I'm sorry you are feeling so low. It is hard writing on the website at first but it's a great source of support as people all have their own experiences of dealing with emotional problems as well as other problems too, we all have complex lives.

You say you've been suffering depression for many years and I'm wondering whether you have had any help for that and also whether you have any ideas about what has caused or triggered the depression. If you feel able to write more about that then you will find a lot of advice will be offered.

It's hard having children and feeling depressed at the same time, I remember how hard I found it, but as long as you are honest with your children and don't pretend to be find when you are not they will survive and learn from the experience. Children need to know they are loved but they don't need their parents to be perfect, just human and able to feel care even if they can't always easily give it.

If you are feeling that you just want to cry and cry then it may be that is what you need to do. I know that was what I needed when my children were little, and each evening after they went to bed I would sit and cry, whilst writing. You can use the website in that way in order to share how you are feeling, no-one will mind, it's a bit like having your own online counsellor except that lots of people will offer care. It can keep you going until you find other kinds of help.

You may need to cry with someone, most of us need that although it can feel difficult at first. You don't say whether you have a partner but it sounds as if although your family are supportive you perhaps feel they do not really understand how you are feeling or if they do that they are unable to help you feel better. That makes me think that maybe you have not felt sufficiently understood by your family as a child and perhaps having children now raises those feelings in you. I may be wrong, it may be something simpler like a lot of practical problems or relationships problems, I don't know.

Have you seen your GP about the depression? Depending on why you think you are depressed and what you imagine might help, you might want to ask him for medication or referral to a counsellor or therapist, of some other kind of help. Thinking about your own views about your depression before you see him will enable you to ask for what you think will help and not be prescribed meds if you feel that is not what you need.

Do seek help. It will benefit your children to see you are able to ask for help when you need it and think about the kind of help that is right for you. If you feel able to write more do, it can be therapeutic and will enable msyelf and other people to give you better support.

Suexxx

[griffin510]

Hi sue i would not even know where to start i was abused verbally physically and sexually from an ex partner twenty years ago i lost my dad when i was fifteen and refused to go to his funeral

[griffin510]

Then sixteen years ago i had a baby who died at sixteen hours old ive completely blocked him out like he never existed like he was nothing to do with me but the guilt is killing me every single day coz i dont acknowledge him i hate myself and dont deserve to be happy

[Boozybird]

You certainly DO deserve to be happy even more so after the terrible trauma you've suffered. These terrible feelings you are keeping locked away need to come out and recovered from in a safe environment with competent people. Go and seek help. You can do this and start to live in peace with your wonderful children. Please go to your doctor.