Hi everyone. New to this site, hoping it will help me is there anyone els that is so emotional that u cant let it out and cry or am i the only one??

Im 30 years old and the last time i cried was when my father died when i was 12 years old, i think ever since then ive bottled my emotions up and put it in a room locked the door and lost the key, ive never cried since, i feel ive messed up so much with my life i dont know how to put it right

13 Replies

  • Hello Cameron welcome

    Do you feel you have missed several periods of sadness or loss that should have warranted a good old cry. Generally I have been hardened over the years and very rarely cry or grieve, in fact I am as hard as bricks when something demands me to show feelings

    I do not know your history, could it be caused by how your family brought you up?, sometimes people are fixated and only show crocodile tears, it all depends on you now as an adult.

    You say that you have messed up your life, again I cannot advise, all I can say if you have become so hard you hurt other people that would be a problem and that may cause problems for other people who would possibly pull back from you. If you hurt people by your actions, that is wrong, are you not feeling those who you hurt

    Do you have a Partner, also a family ? is this uncaring affecting those family members ?.

    Are you feeling depressed by your actions, if so what have you done ??


  • Hi I too find it very difficult to cry. The only times I do are out of frustration or anger. I can't emotionally cry as I am scared of the feelings it might produce. I feel that once I started I couldn't stop. So you are not alone. I assume from your name that you are male? There is a lot of 'men don't cry' and all that s...t around still. I think the mark of a real man is the ability to cry, and so do most women. We love a man who can show real feelings.

    Oh nice to meet you and welcome to the site. Bev x

  • Don't be scared of your feelings, meet and accept them I'm sure they won't be as bad as you imagine - you can I hope, find somewhere private to cry and analyse your feelings.

  • I also learnt as a child that when I cried I cried alone. I had to put a face on with the family as otherwise I would be accused of upsetting my mother (by her) and I would feel too guilty. x

  • Hi coughs lot, It's terrible the things we go through as kids but don't realise the effects till decades later. I'm so pleased that in this day and age and on these forums, we can discuss our emotions so openly! I really think it helps, which is why I analyse things so much now, ok I have the time to do so, being retired, but I think sometimes we do need to understand what's going on with us!

    As I said stress before to someone, and know to my cost, stress is not good for physical health!

    Have a good day all.....Sx

  • i don't cry either and I don't feel regret at that. The nearest I've got to crying was almost weeping at my Mother's funeral about twenty years ago.

    I'm 72 and men did n't cry when I was young. I suspect a lot of crying is really self pity. One sees someone in pain or distress and cries for them but I suspect we are really just imagining it happening to us and often we cry because we know how bad it would be if we were in that situation.

    Crying for yourself is pretty well self pity , and most people pitying themselves forget that their own actions often have caused the problem. Probably some people find crying gives some relief I would imagine but I personally don't seem to need this form of relief.

    Of course I cried as a child, but apart from my mother's funeral I can't really remember getting near crying as an adult. I could imagine crying if one of my grandchildren experienced deep pain physically or emotionally.

    However much you think you've messed up your life at 30 you can't have done. If you want to tell us the problem we'll try and help.


  • I tottaly get were your at. Hope you find a relieve soon.

  • I feel the same way. I either was abandoned or punished for crying. So now I don't.

  • Hi Cameron, can I just ask are you on antidpressants, it's just I have always had problems with crying it is usually down to me being on a high strengh of antidpressants, I'm just starting a new antidpressants on a very low dose for me and Iv been crying the past two days ( which is very unsual for me ) but yes Iv suffered for years with not being able to cry, welcome , hope you enjoy coming on here xx

  • I do find it hard to cry over real things these days. I think I did enough crying over my divorce to last me several years. I miss it in a way. Crying is healthy. It helps release stress. Try watching some really weepy movies after having a glass of wine and see if you can do it. I find I weep buckets at the scene in Les Miserables where the policeman puts his medal on the little boys body. I always feel a lot better afterwards.

  • Hey thank god I'm not the only one, I have not cried since I was 12, nothing, I have always hidden my feelings behind a brick wall. I could not talk to anyone not even my wife.

    Don't worry you are not alone, it is bad to bottle up, I have talked to my doc, but it's not the same.

    I have how ever in the last 6 months made contact with a old girl friend who I saw for about 6 months, 27 years ago.

    I made contact as I only found out I had bipolar 5 years ago and felt I had to explain to her why I had left her and explain why I behaved like I did.

    I have not told anyone apart from my wife that I have bipolar.

    I told her and said sorry, and she forgave me and I cried. We are now the best of friends, I can tell her anything she does not judge me which is amazing as part of me bottling up was i felt people were judging me all the time.

    But I'm glad I'm not the only one out there, try to find someone, hard but it will help.

    Good luck

  • Hi Cameron you have had quite a few replies here. Is it possible to let us know you have seen them and how you are feeling now? x

  • I agree crying is healthy, also understand that the men were told 'big boys dont cry' but I say - what a load of TOSH!!!

    Unreleased emotion, be it love or hate can destroy lives, yours or someone else's if not let go in the right way.

    If there's a lot of hate, go and buy a punchball on a springy pole!

    If it's love, give the person a cuddle! X

    If it's frustration or despair at a situation, rant on here!

    If it's grief at loss of a loved one for whatever reason - yes you definitely need to cry!

    Release of the emotion and it's accompanying stress, will afterwards calm you down somewhat, so you can then think quietly and more rationally about your feelings and what you can or need to do about them. At leasure you will be protecting your health somewhat.

    if you don't let it out the stress is bad for health - but if you do and choose the wrong way, it could lead to rage and unacceptable behaviour, and it's usually nearest and dearest who suffer when that happens!

    I hope you find a find a way through things.

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