Am I gay

[isin13955]

Do you think it’s possible to turn gay, or at least bi, as a result of being unattractive to the opposite sex? When I was younger I was strongly attracted to girls but never had any luck. As I got older I occasionally followed a different path and found I had much more success, with the same sex, although I’m still firmly in the closet and not actively engaged any more.

[Karchie]

Maybe bi

[Biggie_McDick]

It is possible. At least, that's what happened to me.

I went through decades of lonely virginity because I was shy and ugly. Painfully shy,

I always thought that no-one would want to have sex with me because I wasn't a handsome, fit, MAN.

I had convinced myself that I wasn't gay and it took a major shock to the system for me to realise that there was a middle ground. I decided that if a woman wouldn't have sex with me then perhaps a man would.

After a lot of deliberating I went ahead and arranged a meet with a guy I met online.

Having done the deed I became more confident and within a few weeks I had a woman interested in having sex with me. Once that happened the flood gates opened and I was busy with both males and females for the next couple of years until i fell in love, settled down and married a wonderful woman.

I now class myself as a formerly bisexual heterosexual. I was never attracted to men, I never checked them out thinking that "I'd like to have sex with him" or words to that effect. I have to admit that I was a rather selfish lover with men. It was all about my pleasure and I was up front about it. I had several friends with benefits who were happy with that arrangement and we continued to meet until i settled down.

In my opinion, Heterosexual, Bisexual, Gay etc. are simply labels. They don't make us who we are, they simply describe our actions at a stage of our lives.

My advice, don't fret over labels. Choose your path and live your life. If things change then change with them.

[Hidden in reply to Biggie_McDick]

I really admire your openness about this.

[isin13955 in reply to Hidden]

Cheers Tam, at last I feel I’ve found a forum where it is safe to express the thoughts, feelings and ideas that I have kept buried for most of my life.

[isin13955 in reply to Biggie_McDick]

Thank you for your thoughts and insights, I identify with a lot of what you say.

[IanHaines]

Having gay tendencies is nothing to do with how unattractive you feel you are. That would mean that no great looking males would ever be gay...yes?

I think all people are gay and straight at the same time, all the way through their lives. Circumstances can make a seemingly straight guy find solace and comfort through some form of sexual encounter with a member of the same sex. Put the rabidly gay guy in the right situation, and he'll have sex with a woman. It works both ways - pun very much intended. Truth is, even then, you could never be absolutely certain about whether you're gay or straight.

Sexuality isn't dependent on anything set in stone...it's a constantly changing field of human relations and pleasure, in the end. I think that sex is a vacillating stereo characteristic in humans and we can shift any time we want, any number of times we want.

Determine that you will no longer think purely in terms of being "Gay" or "Straight". Leave room for a spectrum of sexual attraction and live the one you want to, now. If you're a solid heterosexual, be unafraid of sexual of emotional feelings towards others of your own gender. If you spend the next year in a sexual relationship with another man, don't be shocked if, at the end of that, you realise that you were straight all along.

If you aim for exclusive membership of a dedicated category, you'll always miss.

[isin13955 in reply to IanHaines]

Thank you for making me feel way more comfortable with myself!

[Jayflight116]

Very well put...I couldn't agree more

[Sixshooter]

For me sex with other men is about a different connection than it is with women I don't fancy men as I do women it's more about meeting a man you can have some fun with in a kind of recreational capacity like a mate with benifits for a relationship to share daily life, bare your heart and soul to and love with all your heart only a women has ever been able to fulfil that role I was always kinda curious but basically straight until late 40s and rarely without female company for long from early teenage years. At some point I realised I knew I needed to try man sex that road was a long and difficult one but I found I also have no difficulty attracting male company as a very accepting, easy going and life experienced person I am comfortable with who I am and make no effort to hide it, be yourself be kind and respectful and honest in all life's encounters and never be ashamed also don't ever feel you need to label yourself we're all different and unique make the most of it

[isin13955 in reply to Sixshooter]

Thank you for your reply, it’s funny how you sometimes need someone to pull you back to your core way of thinking!

[Hidden]

Shame and guilt are terrible things and completely useless, best discarded as soon as possible with regard to sexuality and sexual gratification.

A wise man once said to me, “There’s just pleasure, and permission.

Give yourself permission.

Good luck.

[isin13955 in reply to Hidden]

You are so right! I get confused when gay people say they are born gay and don’t have a choice.

[Hidden in reply to isin13955]

When people say they are born gay and don’t have a choice, I have no reason to disbelieve that. It’s their lived experience, after all

But gay folk who say that, do not have the only claim on enjoying same-sex pleasures and relationships.

So there will be some people for whom it really is a choice, and some for whom it really isn’t.

I am not pretending that it’s easy because we live in a society where we love to label and judge others. We over-simplify, we’re unkind and we’re intolerant.

It’s not right that anyone should have to struggle with their sexuality because of internalised or external hostility to it.

But it’s a sad fact that there are pressures that conflict with our preferences and despite that, I hope that you find a liveable balance and fulfilling way to share pleasure with a decent and appropriate partner.

[PMcL1966]

Maybe you’re gay or bi or whatever. Just follow your instincts and do whatever (within the law of course) makes you happy. We’ve all been attracted to the same sex at one time or other. I used to have a crush on a friend a lot of years back and I’m straight.

[Stinkpot56]

I think you can answer that question better than anybody. My question to you is which do you feel most attractive to men or women or both ? Since you feel women are not attracted to you that’s not a reason to give up. There’s someone out there for you. You just haven’t met them yet. Hang in there it will happen when you least expect it. Be it man or woman.