Men's Health Forum

Some advice on anxiety and relationships

Hello there. First time posting here. I was hoping for some advice on a situation between my partner and I which occurred recently. I've spoken to a friend and they have been very much on my side however I'm mindful that there may be another side to the story.

The other day my partner and I visited a friend for their birthday. I arrived late to find my partner three drinks in. I have no problem with this necessarily however she does suffer from severe anxiety and has mentioned that alcohol triggers this sometimes.

We both had a few drinks (I had three glasses of wine and she had three more) and we later arrived home. I asked why she seemed to be angry and she asked why I hadn't brought her food on the way home ((she had previously said she didn't want anything) so I (rather immaturely) turned around without a word and walked home to my separate apartment.

On the way home a her car pulled up next to me and sounded the horn. When I didn't react, she drove past me and as I arrived home she was outside. I entered, shut my door and ignored her. At this point she began to bang on the windows and scream at me. 10-20 minutes later I called the police. I went out to inform her in the hopes she'd leave but she attempted to force her way in causing a neighbor to call the police and report that I'd been aggressive towards her. In the interest of honesty, I work with high need autistic children and have training in safe removal of people. I was able to move her from the premises and close the door.

She eventually drove home (drunk) and broke up with me over text saying that I'd abandoned her during a panic attack and she wasn't going to tolerate it anymore (there have been similar situations when I've refused to engage her in an emotionally heightened state).

So, in conclusion, does anyone have any similar experiences? experiences of anxiety that might justify her behavior? Most importantly, any criticisms of my behavior or suggestions for what I could have done better? I'm open to the possibility that I may be completely wrong.

Many thanks.

3 Replies
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She seems like you ate better off without her. Her having issues, drowning them in alcohol and then blaming and black mailing her partner into thinking it's his fault. Better off without her my dude. People that care try to solve their issues themselves and not blame others. If anything she would feel guilty however she blames you and is no longer "willing to tolerate it"? Lol, deffo sounds better to be rid of her

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Your response worries me. You did NOTHING wrong and you cannot blame yourself for anything. You seem a sensitive caring man, and I think your gf is exploiting this. I married a ‘highly strung ‘ woman thinking I could help her - taken in by her more rational moments. It was the biggest disaster of my life! I lost 10 years and upwards of £250k as a result. You cannot ‘cure’ a woman with these traits - they will re-emerge very quickly and you will be made to suffer psychologically and possibly physically as a result. Treat this as a lucky escape and concentrate on finding a partner who is loooking for a friend and lover and shares your values rather than someone who wants to use you as a punchbag.

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Dude, you are lucky she broke up with you. Get out, and get out now, trust me. You don’t need to deal with that.

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