I really don't know how much more I can take. I made a stupid mistake and cut out people who mean so much to me. I thought i was protecting them. Now I'm so lonely. I tried to reach out to fix it but I don't know if it's going to work. I just feel like they are going to say eff you, you are too much, I'm happier without you in my life.
I screwed up so much. I don't even know what else to say. I feel like if I say what's on my mind I'll sound like I'm playing the victim. I know I can do things but for ONCE I want someone to help me. I've been the helper for so long, I just want to be the helpee.
Maybe I belong in a mental institution. I clearly cannot handle being a normal person.
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JustJules89
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It sounds like you are as accidentally self-destructive as I am.I know we have to learn to forgive ourselves. I was able to once and found peace and happiness for a time.
I don't think I can. I messed up so bad. Why was I so stupid?! I ruined what was such a great, important friendship. I won't get it back. I'm just going to be alone.
Try not to be pessimistic. I really think there is something to manifesting energy. It's like cognitive thinking but indirect and abstract. Also, please don't settle for being alone.Being truly alone and accepting it is a departure from living your life. It's meant to be shared with others.
Other than people I see at work, I am alone. I pushed everyone away and eventually they pulled away on their own. I regret so much. Most of it was giving up too easily and not believing in myself and my right to be happy.
I am alone but I don't want to be. I've recently come to terms with how unhappy I am and what I need to change. Trying to help people here is part of that change. People on this forum are the most likely to understand that pain and most people on this form want to improve their lives in some way. Being lonely is a sad and empty feeling. Accepting it is like giving up. Please don't.
Try to think realistically as much as possible. The way you think shapes everything - your personality, your attitude, your ability to smile - and all of it is evident by the people around you.
What people around me? No one gives a damn about me. My own mother doesn't even care. She had let me sit in my room alone for days. Doesn't check in, doesn't ask how I'm doing, nothing. Just sits on her gawd dsmn phone or tablet. I was in crisis last week and did she help? No. She kept asking me if she should call someone, as I'm sobbing my heart out and all she said was "stop" even had the balls to yell it at me cause I was crying so much.
My coworkers? Nothing. One maybe two texts and then radii silence when they claim to be friends. So why should I even keep trying?
I pushed away the people that meant the most. They hate me now. I'm alone.
Well, I really do understand. I had a similar bitterness not too long ago.I'm alone too. But I can't go on like this. Maybe I needed time to deal with things and reflect on my choices and I believed I deserved being alone and accepted it.
When the depression and the insomnia take hold, then I really begin to regret my choices.
I don't want to be alone anymore. I am looking for people who understand that. I want to believe I could trust someone again. I don't, yet. But I can't continue hiding. I have to try, one step at a time.
Hi, if you have a major life event going on I'm in that space too. Right now, I'm trying to figure out how to move forward and maybe that sounds kinda like your going through the same thing. Life is hard and people leave and things change. You said that you are a helper, well so am I and I've come to the realization that you have to look out for yourself. As much as you want to help, some people really take advantage of that. Time to help yourself, then you can help others. I hope this helps and know that there are people out there that have some of the same issues that you do. The main goal is to move forward, I know change is scary but it can be an adventure in finding yourself happier and healthier!
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I was adopted at birth ,35 years later and I don’t know if i should contact my birth mother 
just looking for connection - very lonesome and depressed.
new to forum; lifetime member of MDD
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