How much more

[JustJules89]

I really don't know how much more I can take. I made a stupid mistake and cut out people who mean so much to me. I thought i was protecting them. Now I'm so lonely. I tried to reach out to fix it but I don't know if it's going to work. I just feel like they are going to say eff you, you are too much, I'm happier without you in my life.

I screwed up so much. I don't even know what else to say. I feel like if I say what's on my mind I'll sound like I'm playing the victim. I know I can do things but for ONCE I want someone to help me. I've been the helper for so long, I just want to be the helpee.

Maybe I belong in a mental institution. I clearly cannot handle being a normal person.

[Vagabond6356]

It sounds like you are as accidentally self-destructive as I am.I know we have to learn to forgive ourselves. I was able to once and found peace and happiness for a time.

Now I am trying to find it again.

[JustJules89 in reply to Vagabond6356]

I don't think I can. I messed up so bad. Why was I so stupid?! I ruined what was such a great, important friendship. I won't get it back. I'm just going to be alone.

[Vagabond6356 in reply to JustJules89]

Try not to be pessimistic. I really think there is something to manifesting energy. It's like cognitive thinking but indirect and abstract. Also, please don't settle for being alone.Being truly alone and accepting it is a departure from living your life. It's meant to be shared with others.

Other than people I see at work, I am alone. I pushed everyone away and eventually they pulled away on their own. I regret so much. Most of it was giving up too easily and not believing in myself and my right to be happy.

I am alone but I don't want to be. I've recently come to terms with how unhappy I am and what I need to change. Trying to help people here is part of that change. People on this forum are the most likely to understand that pain and most people on this form want to improve their lives in some way. Being lonely is a sad and empty feeling. Accepting it is like giving up. Please don't.

Try to think realistically as much as possible. The way you think shapes everything - your personality, your attitude, your ability to smile - and all of it is evident by the people around you.

Don't give up.

[JustJules89]

What people around me? No one gives a damn about me. My own mother doesn't even care. She had let me sit in my room alone for days. Doesn't check in, doesn't ask how I'm doing, nothing. Just sits on her gawd dsmn phone or tablet. I was in crisis last week and did she help? No. She kept asking me if she should call someone, as I'm sobbing my heart out and all she said was "stop" even had the balls to yell it at me cause I was crying so much.

My coworkers? Nothing. One maybe two texts and then radii silence when they claim to be friends. So why should I even keep trying?

I pushed away the people that meant the most. They hate me now. I'm alone.

[Vagabond6356]

Well, I really do understand. I had a similar bitterness not too long ago.I'm alone too. But I can't go on like this. Maybe I needed time to deal with things and reflect on my choices and I believed I deserved being alone and accepted it.

When the depression and the insomnia take hold, then I really begin to regret my choices.

I don't want to be alone anymore. I am looking for people who understand that. I want to believe I could trust someone again. I don't, yet. But I can't continue hiding. I have to try, one step at a time.

[rdbrand]

Hi, if you have a major life event going on I'm in that space too. Right now, I'm trying to figure out how to move forward and maybe that sounds kinda like your going through the same thing. Life is hard and people leave and things change. You said that you are a helper, well so am I and I've come to the realization that you have to look out for yourself. As much as you want to help, some people really take advantage of that. Time to help yourself, then you can help others. I hope this helps and know that there are people out there that have some of the same issues that you do. The main goal is to move forward, I know change is scary but it can be an adventure in finding yourself happier and healthier!

[Windsorgardener5087]

I can relate to relationship troubles with family and friends due to my state of mind. My psychologist said that what caused the problem was faulty thinking by my ill brain on my behalf leading to seeing everyone as the bad guys. I thought that might be partly true.

The ideal solution is to see each day as an opportunity for change yourself or to make an apology to someone who deserves it.

In hindsight, when people ask if they should call someone, the correct answer is YES PLEASE but very difficult to get out when overwhelmed by emotions.

When you can, put together a plan of who you want to 📞 call when it all turns bad, maybe a telephone mental help line and or a person you can trust to be there for you at the end of your phone.

Sometimes, we need to check in with a mental health professional for some talk therapy to work through possible solutions for our situation.

If you work, check if your employer has an EAP (employee assistance program) to receive some free confidential counselling.

In the meantime, you are free to journal your thoughts in the forum as a form of safety valve.

[Existing]

Put those thoughts on hold for right now, I hear them taking you down with them. You don't have enough information yet, and so wait, just a while. Because those are your thoughts and guilt condemning yourself and you can't afford to do that to yourself. Just delay , maybe a guided meditation would help release them and center you.

[Cookie2217]

Be gentle with yourself. Try not to beat yourself up over it too much. I recently became estranged from both of my sisters for different reasons. Sometimes in life are Circle needs to get a little bit smaller because it's about quality not quantity. They say you're a very lucky person if you can count your friends on one hand and that's absolutely true. Since I've lost my family now I have friends just a few but I need to realize that they are precious lifelong friends that I'll have for a very long time who truly and genuinely care for me so I'm a very lucky person. If you choose to reach out which it seems that you have they may need some cooling off time if they're not receptive at first give it a little bit of time and try again. Hoping things will work out in your favor in the long run. Wishing you peace and well-being in your journey here.