Showering

[Existing]

Does anyone else struggle with showering? Man, I have such difficulty getting myself into shower. A lot of that is my all or nothing thinking. I see it in my mind as this HUGE task..

that involves disrobing -- "ooh burrr, cold"-- same with shock of water and when I turn off.

Then, there's the

"what am I going to wear?", where I have to face my laundry everywhere or

"what is the weather going to be like?" that affects what I wear, then oh yeah,

"what will I be doing?" also affects what I wear, then choosing something, putting it on and ugh

"its not comfortable, too many confining layers, or colors don't match, and what about shoes?!" Or in summer,

"Yuck, look at my ugly wrinkled arms, cover them up, you look 90, Uargh!"

THEN we move onto hair, lol.

Gotta dry and style my hair, and of course

lotion and face moisturizer (I live in the desert), then makeup while we are at it (the all or nothing thinking).

Then what TIME is it? (Since I've never been on time for anything in my life)

Too late to really do anything?? (stress and frustration),

"Seriously?" I say,

"Its too late to even go to the grocery store?? (Happens more often than you know, and I'm usually lucky if I can get out of the house before dark).

Because I have to go out somewhere, otherwise "what was the whole point of taking a shower and getting cleaned up in the first place?!" I think to myself.

And so it goes.. this is how I can postpone showers for way too long.

If I'm not going anywhere, its one more thing I can put off and procrastinate about, as it sits like a lead balloon in the back of my mind, weighing me down with all the other things I can't seem to get done.

*And btw, I have never washed my hair every day, and I don't know who I'm putting make up on for.. (yeah I do, its for me, but at what cost to my life in time is the question!) But that vision of all that is hard to change, because by the time I get around to a shower, I DO need to do all that because I usually have to get out for something mandatory. (Thank God or I may never showe.. shhhhh)

Ive always battled with that "all or nothing thinking".

Anyone else have this shower problem? Or all or nothing thinking?

What are your problem behaviors, and how they present themselves? And how do you deal with them - or not?😄

[gajh]

I struggle with showering too, but not with all of the ways you described. I usually only leave the house one day a week. I take a shower and wash my hair the day before not the day of. I do not blow dry my hair. I do not have to choose between clothes when I go out because I wear the exact same thing every time. I do not wear make up. When I am not going out I am just changing from one nightshirt into another nightshirt. I try to get myself to shower every other day. I do not wash my hair those days. I am trying something new. I just order myself a pouf and some Coconut scented liquid body wash instead of just a bar of unscented soap and a washcloth. I want to see if that will be any incentive for me. I would like to get back to showering every day eventually. It sounds like you are putting much too much pressure on yourself with the all or nothing thinking. Maybe you could try to lower your expectations of how you have to look when you go out? Realize that when you are depressed it is a major victory just to take a shower and go out at all, without all of the added pressure. I think it is amazing that you are showering and you are going out. Give yourself credit for that.

[Existing in reply to gajh]

Thank you for sharing that. Its not really an expectation of how I look when I go out, because for the most part I end up I end going out most when I haven't showered, sometimes not even combing my hair. There again, its all or nothing. I just know how good I feel when I have just taken a nice shower, done my hair, which I have to blow dry and with hair spray its good for 3-4 days, even more really. I just like that feeling of being all put together, like I once was pretty routinely. So, I think its kind of a way to feel normal and healthy, to remember what it was like when I had a life. Its been years now and my life never got back on track from what I considered would be an episode dealing with a traumatic situation that left me with PTSD, not my usual depression. But it seemed to snowball, first I couldn't work after that, thinking temporary. But my life had spiraled out of control, and the world began to feel like a land mine of bizarre traumatic events and mean people where they were never held accountable. That became a real need to hide from a world that no longer felt emotionally safe from being scapegoated with lies I had no way to defend myself from. This all destroyed any sense of normal I used to know, I never got the help I needed to recover from this, like I would with my episodic depression.Yeah, long story, sorry, I just hate this empty existence where time has taken the years away from living.

[gajh in reply to Existing]

Are you in therapy?

[Existing in reply to gajh]

Yup

[gajh in reply to Existing]

That is good. So am I. I took a shower today with the coconut body wash. I love the smell. I will use it again tomorrow. Hopefully this helps.

[Existing in reply to gajh]

I cant remember ever showering with soap. I do love bodywash and lotion too, and the only time i use lotion is after a shower, so theres another piece of my all or nothing thinking. ..if i could just get it untangled (haha) from washing my hair- since i dont even need to do that.

[jnelson66]

look up the word Avolition. That is a major part of the disease and it’s the answer to all you wrote above. I wish I knew that earlier as the disease wants to wreck your soul and make you feel useless. It’s truly a medical symptom of the suck of MDD. I wish I knew that earlier in my disease progression to make me hate myself less. I hope you find relief soon. Keep on fighting.

[gajh in reply to jnelson66]

Oh my gosh I had no idea there was a word for it!

[Hidden]

Thank you so much for posting and sharing your experience Existing! I've been going through nearly the same routine & thoughts. Now I have the name I can work on this hugs!🤗 Navar

[Existing in reply to Hidden]

Not sure what name it has, but I do know its not uncommon for people with depression to have difficulties with showering and hygiene. So, you are not alone, yeah.

[Hidden in reply to Existing]

I'm back to my regular routine of showering every other day unless I perspire when I do my walks. It's beginning to feel normal again. The hot water loosens the sore muscles. I sure do sleep better after a warm shower. Cleanliness is next to godliness as they say.😉

[Existing in reply to Hidden]

Wow, you're doing good🙏

[Hidden]

Daily showering is overrated. A healthy skin requires essential oils and natural fauna. Plus you're saving water if you don't shower often. I don't hv to do 'field work'; I'm mostly indoors. So, I shower, on avg, every 3 days or more. I don't normally sweat (only when doing intense workout; then I'd hv to shower each time) and my hair & scalp lean more on the dry side.

Before, one of my 'all or nothing' problem behaviors was exercising--change to workout clothes & shoes; get water, towel, tissue, mat (if I'm doing pilates), etc; 5min warm-up; then stretch; then run/walk/pilates; 5min cool down; stretch again; hydrate, eat light snack (mostly fruit if I hv it); then shower & change...

I've since tweaked my routine to make it easier & not think about it by putting all my workout stuff (incl clothes & shoes) in a bin nxt to my treadmill. When I started in the first wk or so, the only thing I did was change into workout clothes & shoes. I did this every day until it became automatic when I see my bin. Following wk, I added another step by getting on the treadmill & turning it on (that's it). Once I did these w/o thinking, I'd add another thing, and so on.... I know it sounds tedious, but it worked for me. Even if I'm on the treadmill for only 5min, I try not to miss 2 consecutive days of not exercising.

You may want to read "Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg and "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. Both were helpful to me (except for sleep--still very much a work in progress).

*Pls note that I was only able to start exercising on a consistent basis when my depression's been under control and I was functioning.

[Thor1467 in reply to Hidden]

I’m so glad I read this. I will go find books!

[Existing in reply to Hidden]

You are brilliant, thanks. Im just trying to restart exercise too, and i remember i used to allow myself just tp 'make it' to the rec center, then i could decide whether or not to exercise or come home. That is an effective strategy for me too, thanks for reminder.

[Thor1467]

omg. You just described my feelings about showering except I’m not working right now so I am bad about leaving house. I make sure I bath or shower but I absolutely dread it. I have not put make up on in months though since I lost my job. Part of my major depression.

[Existing in reply to Thor1467]

The 'absolute dread'--yes! I dont know -- yes i do😄 all above

[Bee1232]

🙋🏻‍♀️meee! That’s meee! lol

[Cookie2217]

I showered for the first time in two weeks on Saturday. I never used to not shower and always used makeup and put it on and like to get ready I know exactly how long it took me to but now I've lost all interest in almost everything that even taking a shower seems like such a horrific Hill to climb and you're exactly right taking your clothes off putting your robe on walking up the stairs it's cold getting in the shower it's cold then washing your hair then washing your body then getting out and doing your drying off process doing your hair I don't even do my hair anymore I never thought I'd not do my hair I just put it back in a ponytail or a hair band and leave it at that and that's it but the whole entire process seems so overwhelming for me right now because I'm in a deep dark depression right now but ever since Saturday I went in the shower everyday but I didn't wash my hair but that's a start and I'm going to take her entire shower today and I work part time so I do have to go out of the house and look presentable and at least partially put together right? I never in my entire life would have thought that I would go two weeks without showering that's the longest I've ever gone in my entire life. It makes me ashamed and sick of myself how could I let myself get this bad it sucks.

[Existing in reply to Cookie2217]

What you said, every word, YES!! Im going to keep practicing not doing hair and will post updates -- maybe weekly. That will help me too .and possibly inspire others.

Haha now the pressure is on me

[Thor1467 in reply to Cookie2217]

It breaks my heart reading this. I am relating to everything you are going through. I’m laying here in my bed unable to get it together. I have MDD and Fibromyalgia. I live in Atlanta Ga and it’s a miserable rainy day. I feel so sick and I’m suppose to meet a new therapist today. Don’t think I will be able to do it. The pain that comes along with the fibromyalgia makes things even worse. I’m feeling like I may not survive this depression. I refuse to do any inpatient programs yet I can’t do it on my own it seems.

This has been the longest depression I’ve had. Going on 5 months.

[RobSky in reply to Thor1467]

Hang in there! I am going thru same thing

[Cookie2217 in reply to Thor1467]

My longest bout is the past 4 years. My husband and I just moved into our new condo in a 55 and over community a month before covid and it started soon after that I was so upset with my job I felt that they were just throwing us in there during a pandemic and didn't care about our lives and it spiraled from there I was doing CBT therapy back then which helped a little but not much. They say one in four women suffer at least one bout of depression in their lifetime. I'm the lucky one and four yippee thanks for that not really at all I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy it's debilitating embarrassing demoralizing and just plain sick and tired of dealing with it so I finally are going to put my big girl pants on and refuse to lay in this bed all day and all night any longer I'm going to get out in the sun and start walking reading articles on these forums which I love and also riding my trike Springs around the corner I can't wait for warmer weather it's so cold up here right now for me and my husband we hate it we like the warmer weather. When we move to Florida we'll be leaving behind family and friends but it's a new start and a new city and a new town a new opportunity to meet lots of new people Paul's cousin wants to help him record his music so he'll be busy doing that while I can focus on Landing a job or other fun activities down there. How far is Atlanta from Savannah Georgia I've been to Savannah to the St Patrick's Day Parade it's crazy on River Street but it's so much fun I loved it when we went. When We Were Young and carefree without a care in the world no deadlines no bosses yelling at you no stress none of it miss those days. My husband made me hysterical laugh last night that was the first time I let go and laugh like that in weeks it felt so good to laugh my stomach and my chest hurt today and what a great pain to feel. Along with focusing on a holistic new approach tonight major depressive disorder I am going to be focusing on trying to eat better myself and just getting out there and exercising a lot more. Got some cool news I have a interview on April 2nd for a new job so that's exciting it would be wonderful if I landed it but as I said we're only going to be here till about July so not sure if they're going to be like what when I leave in July but I got to go we got to get out of here we're not necessarily running from anything because we're just going down there and hopefully buying a house in a few years to get settled I want a palm tree in my yard so I can look at it everyday I love them I love that beer commercial I came on Christmas time I forgot which one but they used to put Christmas lights on the palm tree do you remember that commercial it was funny. Anyways I hope you have a great day we'll make sure to keep in touch and drop me a line anytime. Nice chatting will talk to you soon.

[Thor1467 in reply to Cookie2217]

Loved reading this!!! Let us know how the job interview goes?

[Cookie2217 in reply to Thor1467]

I'll definitely let you know how everything goes for sure.

[Existing in reply to Cookie2217]

Hey MDD, I want to know more about your husband's radio show, like how can I access it online? Is it on a certain station with call letters? I listen to a lot of different community stations from Portland to Tucson, etc. Whats the show name?

[Cookie2217 in reply to Existing]

All you have to do is put in 929fmradio.com on your computer and the station comes up for you and press the play button. It's a rock and roll 80s hair band station. Hope you like the music! Enjoy.

[Existing in reply to Thor1467]

Thor, gulp! You don't want to know how long on mine... and I have a hard time talking or even thinking about time.

[Cookie2217]

Hey there Existing. It's MDD Support here. Did you ever get a chance to go up and listen to my husband's radio station I hope you liked it.

[Existing in reply to Cookie2217]

Just reading this, realizing I never did. Do you have a quick link? Otherwise I have to track back here.

[Cookie2217 in reply to Existing]

929fmradio.com

[Denial-River]

I can completely empathize with your post! I am sitting in the waiting room to see my psych NP for medication management after my 1st shower since I saw her 4 weeks ago. I have been bringing the issue up with her and my counselor, as I only manage to force myself to even change clothes when I have to see them both monthly(luckily both appointments are scheduled on the same day). I know I’m disgusting and am very ashamed of this, but unfortunately I have not came across a viable solution as of yet. I keep trying, though. I am looking forward to seeing other’s responses and suggestions. Thanks so much and I’m cheering for all of you!

Roxx

[PeaceNeed]

I only shower now when have medical appointments. Most times its out of a wash basin....yech

[Existing in reply to PeaceNeed]

Your comment makes me realize we could really benefit from transforming showers in our mind from something 'yech' to something we feel good about, something that draws us in to want to do. If I think about things that bring a lot of satisfaction, I'm more likely to find them inviting. Your comment made me realize that this is how I feel about showers too, lol. I'm going to think of some specific things about showering that I/we can relish. Cuz we all seem to think of the 'yech' parts. Your thoughts?

[Existing in reply to PeaceNeed]

Also, that 'waah basin'... Is that your only option, or just how it has become routinely for you. Because it certainly feels 'yech' for me too😄