Decisions

[Icecream1954]

Hi Everyone,

I'm feeling overwhelmed. I've been going to an IOP for a little over a week, and while it's been somewhat helpful (good to be with others who are struggling with the same things I am), it's stirring up a lot of stuff. I know there is a lot of grief and loss and anger that's gotten trapped inside me, but I'm having trouble getting to the feelings. I've been struggling so long that it's hard to find hope. In the last year, I've been on at least 5 different antidepressants which haven't worked. I've tried ketamine and microdosing. I see a therapist once a week. I'm listening to a book on DPT. I'M REALLY TRYING. Now, my psychiatrist is suggesting I try the ketamine again, this time having a different therapist prepare me (my anxiety is always high, and it was high when I did the ketamine before, and his thinking is that if I have someone guide me, I might have a different experience). My brain doesn't work very well and it's difficult to make decisions. I'm praying constantly for guidance, but I feel very alone and very scared. I'm reaching out to you for support....I don't know what to do next. Thank you

[Downinil]

Hi Icecream1954! Congratulations on taking the initial steps to improve your mind and mood! We are all here anytime you need to chat.

[gajh]

Have you talked to your doctor about TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) ?

[Icecream1954 in reply to gajh]

Yes, I forgot that I tried that last year.....didn't work

[gajh in reply to Icecream1954]

How about Neurofeedback? I did LENS Low Electrical Neurofeedback System and had some success. Didn't change everything, but definitely made some improvements.

[Sunnyday100]

I went through the same thing. We ran out of antidepressants for me to try my psychiatrist ordered a brain mapping called Genomind

it looks at your genetics with a saliva sample. It tells you what pathways in the brain our best working and then you can know which drugs will actually work for you. It made all the difference.

I don’t think I will ever be depression free because of my childhood and it is an ongoing struggle. I just have to learn to love myself even when I’m depressed. Ask your doctor about the Genomind

[Icecream1954 in reply to Sunnyday100]

Thank you so much....I'll check with him about it

[Sunrisetabby]

Hi Icecream1954, please let us know how we can support you. After impatient treatment, IOP, dozens of drugs and therapists, and now almost three years of not getting better, a treatment modality that I keep returning to is self hypnosis. Steven Gurgevich has produced some content that I have found helpful, and the Reveri app is also ok. I recommend listening to some of the interviews with Dr. Spiegel, who created the Reveri app.

As Gurgevich says, quoting Henry Ford, " Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you are right."

Another one of my favorite quotes from Gurgevich, especially in response to your I'M REALLY TRYING, is his words: "There is no trying allowed. You make this happen, but letting it happen."

I have needed and still need a hard reset, a control-alt-delete for my mind. Getting out of IOP and returning to previous life was problematic for me.

How do you want to be different after IOP? Let that new you emerge.

[Sunrisetabby in reply to Sunrisetabby]

Typo above. Should be: "You make this happen by letting it happen." Gurgevich is referring to going into trance, but I think the words have much broader applicability. The Tim Ferris interview with Dr. Spiegel is recommended, and if Tim's voice and adds and style annoy you (as they do me), Tim has helpful links and summary to things discussed in the episode: tim.blog/2024/04/10/dr-davi...

[Icecream1954 in reply to Sunrisetabby]

Thank you for your thoughts....I know you mean well, but your quote is a trigger for me because I already have layers of guilt and shame about "making this happen by letting it happen." I struggle daily, hourly, minute by minute with the feeling that my anxiety and depression is my fault. There is a biological component to it....my mother and grandmother had it and it runs through my family.

[Sunrisetabby in reply to Icecream1954]

My apologies and please be assured that I only have positive good will towards you. I also deal with the cognitive distortion that my anxiety and depression is my fault, and overall I think too much. For my mental and physical health the most important thing is sleep, and for me, sleep is always a challenge due in part to my thinking and overthinking and my efforts to try and try and try and try and sleep. Only when I stop trying am I finally able to sleep, which some nights never comes.

[I_LOVE_TACOS]

I spilled my guts to my therapist last week. A big turning point for me was when she told me that it is not my fault. That made me feel a little better about myself. I’ve been fighting depression and anxiety all my life. I have been on meds for about 30 years. I still feel so fragile. Like I’m tip-toeing around a huge hole called depression and at any time, I may be sucked in.

Please know you are not alone. We understand your struggle. We understand your pain. Unfortunately, when we stuff those feelings way down, they pop up to haunt us later. Those feelings have to be dealt with in order to get rid of them. Give the Ketamine another shot. Maybe this time it will help you feel better enough to deal with everything so you can throw it all in the trash and get your self confidence back.

Please reach out anytime you need to. We are all in your corner. I wish you the best! 🍀