ALONE

I am afraid of people... I never feel like I fit in. I always feel awkward and out of place. I'm hard on myself... I don't like myself very much. I have a therapist but I don't feel like she really understands. I feel like no one understands. I'm living with my boyfriend now and it's very hard. I have to pretend to be okay, to be whoever he wants me to be. I always have to pretend. I'm not even sure who I really am. I'm only posting this in hopes that there might be someone else out there that might understand, who might know what this feels like. I feel lonely even when I'm not alone. I think my boyfriend and I are going to eventually break up because I can only pretend to have it all together for so long. I want to be alone, yet I don't want to be alone.

[Doubledog]

I think there are a lot of us who can relate with how you’re feeling. I’m sorry you feel this way. I recently started reading about self compassion from suggestions in other posts and I feel like it’s giving me a new perspective when lately nothing has been helping ie: meds, tms, therapy. I’ve stopped trying as hard to keep up with everything and trying to take time to be kinder to myself. I’m at the same age as you and never thought life would be such a struggle. Just wanted to reply and let you know you’re not alone. You’re worth everything.

[Hidden in reply to Doubledog]

Thank you for responding to my post. I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with this as well. I wish you the very best, and Thank you again for taking the time to answer my post.

[CatsandCheese]

I am 61 and feel like same. Because of mobility issues the situation is worse than ever. My alcoholic husband is a Jekyll and Hyde, As another responder wrote here, I am going to look into self compassion. Maybe learn to stop beating myself up.

[Amen9771]

I also feel alone and alien. I never fit anywhere and even when I try I still get met with negative attitudes towards me because I am so different and misunderstood. I feel safer alone but I want to have people at the same time. It's so frustrating to be so isolated and in my own mind all the time because I have no one to talk to. I wish you the best and I hope you find a way to connect with others. I just want you to know that you are not the only one that struggles with this type of issue.

[Purple_peace]

I just saw your post and I wanted to respond because I totally understand the whole thing I feel the same way and have been through therapy many years and been on medication for many years and still feel that way I have been doing a lot through self-help books and some cognitive therapy through an app. There are many out there now to help you try to figure out who you are and what you would actually like to be and where you would like to be in your life I am so sorry that you are struggling. There seems to be so many of us in the world struggling with this very same issue. I pray that we all can find our place and peace in this very harsh world. We are now living in,

Wishing you all the best , Purple peace🙏🏻💜

[Sunnyallday111]

I feel the same sort of. I feel out of place and fearful of people not liking me or having a problem with me. It affects me in that I'm afraid to have job and afraid to have friends. I'm a recluse.

[Mamabear49_]

Hi

I’m so sorry you are struggling- but you are not alone. Depression can make people feel like they are lonely even then there are a ton of people around. I am an empath- which means I pick up on others feelings, and emotions. I am a highly sensitive person- it has good and bad ramifications.

Maybe getting to the root of the issue would be helpful, I know it’s not easy and will take some hard internal work on your part, but plenty of people here to support you. Do you feel bad about yourself because of something that was said or done to you? It’s hard to overcome these things but I personally am a spiritual person - I can’t make it through life without it.

Church groups can offer support esp small ones

Get some sunshine, walk, do something that brings you joy each day

Set healthy boundaries with others

Guard your mental health as if it were gold

Trust me - each day I have to practice what I preach

Reach out anytime

You are not alone ☀️🌺☀️

[Existing]

Ok, I'm going to be your drill sergeant for basic training for life. Your life. Because you are now nonexistent to yourself. You feel like you don't have a right to live as yourself. I'm here to say WRONG! The only people I like are authentic and alive in their own unique self. Too many carbon copies and I start wondering if anything is real. I know that I and others would really like to know you. It literally hurts when I think of people who will die and never let themselves live. You were born to live.

But, you are going to have to practice daily learning who you are. Read what you wrote and tell me if you haven't spent a lifetime eliminating yourself. You are every bit as good as anyone else, and after starting with being aware of yourself (I have like an imaginary parrot on my shoulder watching everything objectively all the time. In other words, it doesn't insult or shame me). The more you are able to see yourself, you continue watching with curiosity and interest, because humans are fascinating in our quirks. So much of what we do is routine programming, like your habit of burying yourself. Then, start asking yourself questions like what you enjoy doing, what bugs you, etc. Honor what is real about you, and soon, or eventually, you begin to develop a real appreciation for exactly who you are. Remember, you have a right to live, and the world and people like me need to know you are alive as you truly are.

Eventually, you move on to advanced training: learning to accept your flaws, your weaknesses, your mistakes unconditionally. That's hard, but it has amazing gifts, like unconditional acceptance of others as they are. Not many have that to give, but the world needs that now more than ever. I know this to be true, and I KNOW you deserve this, and I completely believe you can do this.

You will no longer be uncomfortable being alone, because you have a fascinating companion within at all times. You will no longer be afraid you have to be what someone else expects, because that's only what you thought they wanted. Don't read other people's minds. Just be you and accept everything about you, even what you don't really like. That is the meaning of authentic.

Your training begins now. Where are you? Good, keep looking.

[worldofchances92]

I completely understand how you feel. I struggle with social anxiety and don't have any friends OR family. Just know that you are not alone. Wanting to be alone, yet not wanting to be alone is something I can relate to as well.