I'm tired of being happy

My whole life I've tried so hard for others, even after suicide attempt, abusive relationships, another attempt, friends dying... I used to say I loved everyone, but I'm done trying. I'm not going to hurt myself or try to off myself again, but I give up physically and mentally.... I tried so hard for so long, and all I usually get is a pat on the back because I looked ok on the outside... Inside Ive been burning since a child ... For no one understanding it's not so easy to just, smile and put things in perspective.

It's a chemical imbalance, and I'm so tired of the lack of support or little I get. I have no brothers and sisters, my Aunts and Uncles don't call me, my parents and my Best Friend try but they need time to rest too... I'm a burden

[Raggedy-Ann]

Feeling the same Blue. You are not alone. Maybe try to do something nice for yourself.

[Hidden in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

Thank you for your reply, if I get the energy I will, it can be so hard to do anything for myself. Take care, feel free to reach out if you ever need to aswell..

[Ryanlion]

You are not a burden here, we are always ready to listen. How i wish i had a magic wand to heal .

[Curry223]

I want to let you know that you are not alone and most people on this site have been in your shoes. You are not a burden you just feel that way. I’ve wanted to give up multiple times in life but there is always something positive/motivating that has pursued me to overcome those negative thoughts and feelings. Take time for yourself, love yourself, nurture yourself and all other relationships/friendships will follow and become easier to handle. In the mean time do what you love. Any hobbies? Write a letter to your loved ones about how you feel, but don’t send it. Join more talk groups like this one! Talking to strangers can be therapeutic. Good luck and God bless.

[Sunrisetabby]

BlueType, you are not a burden. Even though I don't know you, I am happy to hear that you want to live. You don't need to try hard, and you certainly don't need to try to love everyone. I am not a doctor, and I certainly don't know, and I acknowledge that I haven't taken my happy pills yet this morning, but I don't think I have a chemical balance, I think I am just me, and I don't love myself; I don't event like myself, but I'm working to radically accept myself. I often use the audiobook of Game of Thrones and am still enamored by Tyrion Lannister, perhaps because I think I probably belong in a grotesquerie. One of my favorite passages is when the old and blind master Aemon describes Tyrion as a giant come among us at the end of the world. Tyrion is a deeply flawed character, and Peter Dinklage who portrayal him in the t.v. adaption stands 4ft5in. I have listened and largely given up on motivational YouTube videos, but Peter Dinklag 's line, Try Again. Fail Again. Fail better. Is something that still resonates with me. Similarly, as Don Schultz wrote in the song the Gambler, most famously sung by Kenny Rogers, "... every hand's a winnerAnd every hand's a loser."

[Hidden in reply to Sunrisetabby]

Tyrion, was absolutely a favourite of mine. Aria too. Lots that I really liked for their characters... And some not so much! Thanks for the reply, maybe slow acceptance of myself is the best way forward.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Hidden]

I'm responding to so many members saying you're not a burden. Of course you're a burden, you're not misunderstanding those people's feelings. "Burden" is in the eye of the beholder. I'm a burden too. I didn't know I would be, just because I'm damaged, but there's no question, that's how I'm viewed.

It's a struggle not to accept those lousy feelings as the be all end all. I can easily think of myself that way. But when I turn it around, and imagine another person as a burden, I'm offended. Is an unwanted child a burden? Yup, to the people and society that don't value them. That's so $%@! wrong I get furious! The world's got a lot of wrong stuff in it. We've gotta get through anyway.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Sunrisetabby]

Nope, no happy pills here either. It's a lot of work to accept myself. Motivational videos do nothing for me. But words! Stories, poetry. They take me away, always have.