finally got a psychiatrist after 6 months of waiting

[CroutonBehavior]

This should feel like a good thing or a development but it doesn't. My mother took on the responsibility of making phone calls and trying to get me a psychiatrist for the past six months. I've just gotten one recently because I found out she wasn't really trying. She made one phone call in March and then I got myself on a waitlist in April and after that she never contacted anyone again. Turns out, there has been someone available and all it took was a second try. It's very frustrating for me since I had been asking her for updates and she would say "no change"

She took it on as her responsibility because with the way that my anxiety is there isn't any possible way I could do it. I tried a few times to make other appointments and call hotlines but my anxiety is too severe. I hold my breath when I'm on the phone and listen from a distance because my anxiety makes my breath feel 10x louder than it is.

I feel ridiculous that I can't do anything anymore. In the past 7 months my ability to take care of myself is worse than it ever has been. When I was 15-19 I could cook 3 meals for myself everyday and now I cook maybe 2 times a week. My mom offered to make dinner every night so I can eat something but she's no longer doing that.

I'm trying to get to a point mentally where I can function as a 21 year old but I can't even get out of bed. I can't even get the tools that I need to support myself.

[Raggedy-Ann]

Hi i suggest you check in to a mental health facility. It is time for professionals to take charge. Once you are in, you should feel relief. They can help you with meds and counseling. It is helpful to be around others who are going through similar situations. It will also take pressure off your mom. She will know you are safe and getting the help you need. I have done this a couple of times. I hope this helps.

[CroutonBehavior in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

I was already at a mental health facility for a week in February of this year shortly after this period of depression has started. That did not at all help with setting me up with the help. Neither did it help me after I attempted in 2023, or 2017, or 2016. So no, I think I'm fine now that I've at least gotten an appointment with a psychiatrist. Mental health facilities are the most inhumane path to help and I won't be doing that again.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to CroutonBehavior]

My experience tallies with yours, with one exception. When nothing I did worked, I got very proactive searching for an alternative, and found an "intensive outpatient" program I had hopes for. It started badly, the therapist I was assigned was an ass, but I handled it. I insisted I be changed to another I felt a strong rapport with, and it worked. Better than anything else ever.

Keep trying and be gung-ho advocating for yourself. I know it's hard when you're not well, but find a way. I don't know, let yourself have a tiny chocolate bar when you make that scary phone call. You can do this.

[CroutonBehavior in reply to Nothing_but_books]

A tiny chocolate bar doesn't fix years of untreated anxiety and my inability to function under stress. I have gone into 2 buildings alone my entire life (other than school) an IHOP and a gas station. English stops sounding like English, my vision narrows and it's hard to breathe. Same thing with phonecalls. Same thing with taking the trash out. I'm glad that trying repeatedly worked for you but I have no way of doing that.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to CroutonBehavior]

I struggle too, everyday. When my stress is bad, I don't function. No, a chocolate bar doesn't fix anything. But it's a small comfort for me.

Things don't work today? Can you take the day off pushing yourself and do something comforting?

[CroutonBehavior in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I haven't been pushing myself all year. I wake up everyday and do almost nothing productive. Music and tv should be comforting but it's not. I've done everything that a person can do without being able to drive or leave the house. I'm stressed because I have constant depression and anxiety. There's no taking a day off from it and nothing is comforting anymore.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to CroutonBehavior]

Our forum is the only place I know where people get what that feels like.

When I'm feeling a hundred percent the way you described, I try to forgive and be kind to myself. I read what I can about digging out of the hole.

"Depression house" on Tiktok has been good for me. The woman posts videos about how to get teeny things done when you can't get an darn thing done. When I make even a little progress I feel better about myself.

[CroutonBehavior in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I've been depressed for 12 years, I've already watched too many videos and read articles about mental health. You say you try to forgive but for me personally, I don't have anything to forgive myself for. I have mental issues but I'm not doing it on purpose. Teeny things don't help when I don't have want to exist as a baseline. Being comfortable or fed isn't even a good enough point. I'm not trying to be overly negative but if there was any way to dig myself out right now I would be able to see it.

[I_LOVE_TACOS]

Hey TuckMomma! Just curious to know if medical insurance will cover that testing?

[I_LOVE_TACOS]

I’m here to tell you that you are not alone. Depression with anxiety is a vile monster that is so hard to fight.

I had to quit my job recently due to a terrible depressive episode. My hair got matted up because I stayed on the couch for a month. I lost 30 pounds because I didn’t eat. My husband demanded a divorce because he says he doesn’t understand depression and thinks it’s a cop out.

But enough about me What about YOU?? You may not realize it, but you being aware that you need to seek help is a major accomplishment! I suggest before your appointment, take the time to research depression and anxiety on the internet You may learn things about those conditions that you didn’t know. You will be better prepared to talk to your doctor and understand what he is talking about Write down what you want to discuss with him and any questions you may have This helps me by not letting that creepy anxiety take over my brain and cause me to fumble, get tongue-tied, and feel stupid because I can’t remember anything I wanted to talk about.

Please let us know how you are doing and how the appointment goes. We are your biggest fans!

[CroutonBehavior in reply to I_LOVE_TACOS]

My depression has been around since I was a child. Knowing that I need help isn't an accomplishment. People who get in serious accidents and call for help don't need to be praised for knowing that they need attention. I also don't know what research could help me.

After 12 years, researching and intellectualizing my illness doesn't help. It's too personal from person to person; if anything, the doctors sometimes don't understand what I'm talking about. Going into the appointment I understand all the terms and know about the different medications. I already know what my questions and concerns are but I know that the second i get in that office I'll be so anxious that my ability to communicate will take a backseat. Even when prompted with, "Any questions, any concerns, are you okay with this?' I will say yes because my brain is trying to get me out of the situation as fast as possible. I won't even realize what I agreed to until it's over. Then I'll probably get stuck with Lithium and too much embarrassment to make another appointment and say, "I don't feel comfortable with this" So I'd either stay in my depressive episode and end up in the hospital or have to start all over again with a new psychiatrist. Then I'd do the same thing with them.

Having a case manager and peer support helped last time but I'm no longer with that program. After a few visits, I do get more comfortable speaking my mind and speaking in general but I don't have any way to bridge that gap. There's no one in my life that could effectively do that without making the situation more stressful.

[I_LOVE_TACOS]

I’m sorry to hear this. I wish it were different for you. I know how you feel. It’s hard. It’s frustrating. It’s debilitating. I wish it would go away. I want to be normal.

I have been on meds for 30 years and I can honestly say I have never found true happiness. I want a do-over for my life. I have treatment resistant MDD and crazy social anxiety. I feel like I keep grasping for straws.

For me, I do think that having the courage to make an appointment or go talk to a therapist is an accomplishment when I would rather stay in bed with the covers pulled over my head after I’ve taken some meds to knock me out so I don’t have to deal with life.

Intellectualizing things does not help. I didn’t know that. I thought it was the right thing to do for years. It’s so hard to let yourself feel and deal with the emotions. It was much more easier for me to over analyze things then tuck it down deep. It pops up to haunt me when I least expect it.

Keep talking with a therapist. If you don’t like that one, find another one. Keep on until you find someone who you think REALLY understands you.

Wishing you the best!🍀 I’ll be here if you ever need to talk.

[CroutonBehavior in reply to I_LOVE_TACOS]

It really doesn't matter since it was cancelled and I'm back to square one.

[I_LOVE_TACOS]

Listen to me- don’t you fall to the bottom of that hole! Hold on to the edge of it. It’s ok if it’s just by your fingertips. Just hold on. Kick that beast we know as depression in the balls!

Get on your phone or computer tomorrow and find someone else to see asap. If you can’t get in to see a psychiatrist, then a mental health nurse practitioner will be your best bet They can prescribe meds and are often more attentive to your needs

DO NOT GIVE UP! We are here to support you We all need help We have to help each other through things that normal people have absolutely no clue about. You should never feel alone because we are here 🖤