I'm new to this space, so I figured I'd post a lil summary of my current vibes.
I have depression, anxiety, PTSD, and borderline. In the last couple weeks, I have fallen way into the Big Sad. My SH & SI thoughts are difficult to ignore, I barely leave my bed, I'm falling behind at work and in grad school, I'm crying all the time... You get the picture. I was going to get back into group, but the group doesn't actually have any members right now, and all the community groups around me are during my work hours.
I'm currently keeping myself safe by counting down the days till my next tattoo appointment (13, if you were wondering), which gives me a concrete reason to not SH until then. But then what? I still have homework, I still have depression, and I still can't get out of bed. My support system is limited, and I love my husband, but as a 'normie' with mild anxiety, he doesn't really comprehend what it's like, and he's preoccupied with everything on his own plate.
It's hard to contemplate doing the work when I can't find a first step that feels safe enough. It's hard to envision getting through an entire week without any additional supports in place. It's hard to have survived over and over again, just to have to keep doing it without any relief. It's hard.