running out of options

[booksandblankets]

I'm new to this space, so I figured I'd post a lil summary of my current vibes.

I have depression, anxiety, PTSD, and borderline. In the last couple weeks, I have fallen way into the Big Sad. My SH & SI thoughts are difficult to ignore, I barely leave my bed, I'm falling behind at work and in grad school, I'm crying all the time... You get the picture. I was going to get back into group, but the group doesn't actually have any members right now, and all the community groups around me are during my work hours.

I'm currently keeping myself safe by counting down the days till my next tattoo appointment (13, if you were wondering), which gives me a concrete reason to not SH until then. But then what? I still have homework, I still have depression, and I still can't get out of bed. My support system is limited, and I love my husband, but as a 'normie' with mild anxiety, he doesn't really comprehend what it's like, and he's preoccupied with everything on his own plate.

It's hard to contemplate doing the work when I can't find a first step that feels safe enough. It's hard to envision getting through an entire week without any additional supports in place. It's hard to have survived over and over again, just to have to keep doing it without any relief. It's hard.

[75pink]

Hi, it is so hard to keep one foot in front of the other when you feel hopeless. I'd like to encourage you to stay strong, be as kind to yourself as possible and don't beat yourself up over your (or anyone's) expectations (or lack thereof). We all deserve to care for ourselves first. Keep fighting 💪 lots of us understand how you feel 💙

[Cookie2217]

Hi there. I'm new to this forum too. My husband is a "normie" too and has no mental health conditions thank goodness but he doesn't know what to do with me when I stay in bed and don't get out. He tries to encourage me but I resist because I'm just that depressed. I tell him that there's no reason to get up there's nothing to do so there's no reason I wish I could tell him that I'll get up for him and sometimes I wonder if he feels that I don't love him enough to do that for him. I find this group and the other group for major depressive disorder very helpful to me because there's a lot of people that feel the same way I do and have been very supportive to me in my posts. I can totally understand falling behind at work because my depression made me in fact lose my job because I was out too much and they were asking notes every time I was out I felt like a total outcast. I had a career of 20 years that was cut short because of this disease. After losing my job I in turn lost my housing and my husband and I are now living in my sister's basement so this past year has brought me to my knees. I just have to believe that there is a purpose for all of this and that everything is going to be all right eventually because what else can go wrong the only place I have to go is up.