Feeling sorry for myself :(

[Tich]

Good morning everyone and I hope you are all feeling as well as you can be.

I have had weeks of being busy every day and not really having the time to rest up. Well yesterday was my grandsons second birthday. It started so lovely , presents opened and then off to the zoo.

Well presently I am suffering cracked heels(my left heel has been bleeding) I must say I have never had this before. Behind my left knee I have chapped skin, really sore. My right Achilles has been swollen for weeks and gives me some pain and discomfort. My eyes have been very sore and I wish I could use my fake tears constantly. Memory shot and I have been dropping things ALOT! Alongside all the other rotten things we suffer.

Anyway wandering around the zoo up hill and down dale started to take its toll. I began to stumble and slur my words. I bought him a little gift and walked always from the counter without it! You know the kind of things, looking at the lions and telling a two year old they were the gorillas!! Then when were finally back at the car my husband poured us out a coffee to drink before driving home for the tea party. I was feeling a little off kilter and looking forward to it. However I promptly picked it up und the entire cup went in my handbag and the boot of the car! I was in bits,I just didn't see the funny side this time. My husband ushered me in to the car and went to deal with the mess whilst I sat there crying like a baby. I mean what is that about eh? I can not believe how sad I felt afterwards.

So I am sorry to say that I feel really sorry for myself at the moment and believe me I find that hard to deal with.

I do hope that any of you guys out there are going through similar rubbish events get past them quickly and have a cheery weekend. So sorry to whine but I wanted to get it off my chest

Best wishes to all.

Ps We did have a lovely day and the little man never knew Nannie was feeling like a zombie

[Danielle2419]

Zombie eh! thats a new one lol

this is the best place for a whine and moan thats what where all here for after all i got very upset with myself yesterday i dont have no idea why normally its a dark place for a bit then it goes away i dont have memory shots like yourself but we are all different im sure theres many others on here like yourself but its good you came on here, for me when im upset i come on here and i get reasured and am fine afterwards

dont worry it will blow over soon.

[Tich]

Thank you for your kind words Yes you are right it does blow over but it's rubbish when we feel like this eh .

[megs_tom]

Awww firstly can I send you huge hugs!! It is terrible when we have these days, but your grandson had a lovely day and I am sure you would have felt worse emotionally had you not took him out for his birthday. I think you need to have some rest now though and please dont beat yourself up about these horrible symptoms. It is not your fault. The memory one is a pain, only yesterday I walked into my sons reception class with him and wondered why all the children were wearing red, until his teacher reminded me it was red day and the friday they broke up for half term it was toy day and of course silly me forgot the toy! It is very frustrating and can be embarrasing!! But we dont do these things on purpose, there is a reason so please dont feel bad about it. Take care and please rest xxxx

[Danielle2419]

It is s**t feeling like this i no as said before your grandson had a lovely time and was unaware of your situation so thats good just rest and try doing something to interupt the sadness your feeling at this time thats what i would do hope you feeel better soon

[hazelHollingsworth]

We ALL feel like that somedays/weeks, we understand. That is what this page is here for, never apologise for feeling like that. I picked up a virus about 5 weeks ago and it has just flattened me, both body and mind and I have not been fit to travel (3hrs drive) to visit my grandson since Xmas and I also just burst into tears at the drop of a hat. You are NOT alone we are all here for you. Enjoy a good day and forget the bad ones. Hope you are soon feeling a bit better. I send you 100 spoons.xx

[Purpletop]

It is inevitable, we all feel sorry for ourselves every once in a while, I know I do. And this crying, I do that too, I think at some point everything becomes overwhelming and there has to be a valve allowing it to escape. After crying I feel right as rain and wonder, as you do, what was all that about? Just our poor minds trying to cope, that's what.

[Tich]

Thank you all so much.

It's horrid when it just all becomes too much. Crises passes , we then become aware that things could be so much worse and is indeed so for others. Tears and hugs can make all the difference so I have shed plenty and accepted lots and I do feel a little better in myself just sad is all.

Take care all of you x

[bam1993 in reply to Tich]

Hi, I am feeling really sad and sorry for myself too at the moment!!!...And finding it hard to accept that I will never be the person I once was, and sometimes other people that do not suffer from what we have (i.e work colleagues) if they see me yawn or perhaps not smiling, and say 'we're all getting older/tired etc' they really, really do not understand that this is more than the odd ache and pain-and more than just tiredness!! (When I fall asleep I am sure I am almost 'comatose'!! ) I feel like my little 2year old Grandson is my only bit of 'sunshine' at the moment too! I look after him 2 days a week-it totally wears me out-but at the same time I get so much from him, that it actually keeps me going-and I know that does not make sense, but it is true! I suppose he makes me feel as if I have a purpose-as I am feeling SO useless at the moment!!

Gentle hugs to anyone else feeling like this x

[Tich]

Oh goodness me !!! I only have the one grandchild and as you know he was two on Thursday :). He is the light of my life and I have him every Tuesday and Wednesday . Yes he wears me out too you are so right it is a purpose and it is good to have . I also share in the care of my mum who is getting more frail by the day so it doesn't leave much time for charging batteries. No wonder we have the odd wobble eh x

[janann]

Just needed to comment on your so familiar tale Tich. I am recently diagnosed but have been suffering for years. It is so comforting in reading all the experiences as it makes me realise i am not going mad. I have been just as bad dropping things as if my hand has lost the message from my brain. Forgetting the simplist things,words. The need to sleep being so overwhelming and how i can just go unconcious even while on the computer is so un nerving. I am in the early stages of learning to cope and pace myself and want to thank everyone for putting down their symptoms and feelings as they are of so much help i cannot begin to tell you. All take care and hope you all have more better days than bad ones. x

[lillylou]

Hi everyone, I have recently tried to explain to my GP my probs with memory,dropping things etc. The nurse gave me an oral test which a 3 year old would pass and I was told not to worry I was fine!!!!!!! Dr D'Cruz at Tommies diagnosed me with Lupus,Sjogrens,Fibro,spinal stenosis on top of the diagnosis of prematurely advanced osteo arthritis for which I was forced into medical retirement this was approx 10yrs ago. I think I have been my own worst enemy because instead of pushing the doctors/specialists to help me I have just accepted the dx and got on with it just getting my rep script every 12 weeks.Over the years I have lost my confidence, I struggle to make decisions and am reluctant to step outside of my family environment.I spend a great deal of time knitting for charity as this gives me the opportunity to be productive and its a positive way of helping others. Sorry for rambling on about myself, it just feels good to know that any of you reading this will understand some or all of my difficulties. I can just about deal with the constant pain and exhaustion but the lupus fog really upsets me however my family often see the funny side which perks me up. They often remind me of the time I invited them all over for Sunday dinner but when they arrived I was both surprised and thrilled to see them all eventually my daughter realised I had completely forgotten about the invitation so hadn't even been shopping........they saved the day by shopping for and cooking us all Sunday lunch. On that happier note I will say cheerio for now and boy has it done me good just being able to write this.

Love & Sunshine to ALL MY FELLOW LUPIES. Lillylou. X